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Original poster

Thing people do at Christmas that seem helpful to the Christmas Host but actually really aren’t?

428 replies

Talkingtomyhouseplants · 01/12/2025 08:47

I’ll start

  • Bringing something to contribute to the day without checking with the host what is wanted/needed first. Results in additional unnecessary work for the host who has had to cover that item because they didn’t know it was going to be brought and food that doesn’t necessarily match the rest of the menu but people feel obliged to eat anyway
  • On a similar note, people asking what they should bring about 3 days before the big day - this is a BIL special - no thanks my big shop has already arrived and we’re all sorted now.
  • People who clear up in the kitchen but put things away in the wrong places rather than just leaving them dry, neatly, on the side.

What else?

OP posts:
Titasaducksarse · 01/12/2025 16:03

I agree weeks ahead with MIL what we'll bring as she does the dinner
So, agreed we'll make a pudding eg pavlova and I'll bake a ham to give them half and she'll give us some turkey.
Great...sorted...

NO IT ISN'T because she then buys a pudding and buys a ham! Why? Why? I don't bloody know.

She did the same when we all went away. We said we'd get x,y,z and she rocks up with it..or similar. Similar is worse as particularly at Christmas I like a few specific treaty bits of food but if she's bought similar I dont feel I can hear churlish and say I don't want it so then I'm disappointed.

It's actually better when my OH does the food, she listens to him!

Calliopespa · 01/12/2025 16:04

InveterateWineDrinker · 01/12/2025 12:00

When I first met my now wife, she complained like hell that the Portuguese (I am one) in general never put much effort into the visual appeal of food.

For my part, I prepared bacalhau com todos the first Christmas we were together. She found it odd that we'd eat cod on Christmas Eve, but must have assumed it would be something like fish and chips or cod Provençal. "Why does the house smell like a public toilet?" was not a great start to proceedings...

Show quote history

a public toilet! 😂

ThatsCute · 01/12/2025 16:04

MIL wanting seconds on gravy before the meal has started/everyone’s meal has been plated up. A bit like the MN thread where the date took the whole jug of gravy at the restaurant, leaving his date with none. Yes, MIL (and anyone else who wanted more) did get more gravy before we started eating (there was plenty), but only after everyone had been given a portion first.

LeftieRightsHoarder · 01/12/2025 16:09

Shodan · 01/12/2025 13:01

My pet hate used to be people who would come in the kitchen and ask if I needed any help. One Christmas four people asked 8 times between them if I needed any help. I started off politely tinkling "Oh no, thank you, I'm fine, all under control!" and gradually descended into an incredulous stare and a flat "No!"

The following Christmas I worked out a solution- prior to the day I asked XMIL to keep my Mother talking, confiding in her that I preferred to work alone and Mum, although well-meaning, was a distraction. I then asked my Mum to do the same thing with XMIL. I also asked XH to keep his sister out of the kitchen using the same method. They were all so busy doing as I asked that no-one came into the kitchen and the whole thing ran smoothly. Added bonus was none of them believed it was they who were the distraction so no feelings were hurt. 😁

Brilliant! 😂👏

BoudiccaRuled · 01/12/2025 16:13

KittyFinlay · 01/12/2025 13:36

Do they also like to make helpful alternative suggestions @NewCushions and @BeWellJ ?

E.g.
"DH, can you cut some grapes? DD is hungry and wants a snack."
"We have some cherry tomatoes she could have."
"She doesn't like tomatoes, could you chop the grapes?"
"I know, but I thought we were encouraging her to eat more flavours."
"We are, but it's 30 minutes until dinner and she's whinging, I don't want more whinging about tomatoes, can you chop the grapes?"
"We have some strawberries too, aren't they about to go out of date?"
"Yes, which is why I'm serving them for dessert after dinner."

By which point, I could have just chopped the grapes.

Have you not learnt the silent reply yet??? It is THE most effective thing. I'm not at all scary but DH finds it terrifying.
For example:
Me: "Could you give the child an apple please?"
Husband: "Or what about some pear?"
Me: [silence]
Husband: "apple it is! Yum yum."
Engaging in conversation just encourages them. There's already enough chit chat going on during Yuletide.

PigeonsandSquirrels · 01/12/2025 16:18

When everyone dumps dirty crockery in the sink. Wow thanks now I have to empty the sink before I can wash any of it.

LeftieRightsHoarder · 01/12/2025 16:18

katmarie · 01/12/2025 14:14

The one that gets me is people going 'Why are you rushing around, why don't you come and sit down?' 'That can be done later, there's no rush' 'Oh just leave that for now, come and sit with us'. Ok, yes, lovely, I will come and sit, and then when later rolls around, is there anyone jumping up to do the things I was trying to get done? No, no there is not. And now I'm 45 minutes behind schedule and things are not magically getting done.

I will rush around to my own schedule these days, thank you very much.

Same here! I know it's well meant but, please, I do actually know what I'm doing, having done it hundreds of times before. And I will love to sit and chat with you when everything's ready and I can genuinely relax, not sit getting more and more tense as time goes on ...

Cocktailsandcheese · 01/12/2025 16:21

TheNightingalesStarling · 01/12/2025 08:53

When my children were little... either saying presents were from Santa or giving me things to put in their stockings (wrapped). I admit this may have been control freaky... but their stockings were carefully balanced as they would open things together, they had individual Santa wrapping paper... d I liked to keep the Santa bit separate to the Family bit as I had told them that Santa only brought one present and the stocking. (The wrapping paper was so I could have a bag of wrapped gifts that was easy to split into the stockings without need for labels)

We have this issue...my in laws label their gifts "from Santa" but I was making a real effort to just have a couple of bits from Santa and make sure the children know that other gifts are from family so they appreciate that people have spent time and money choosing them gifts. It's annoying! I still tell the kids the gifts are from their grandparents so they know who to say thank you to.

NewCushions · 01/12/2025 16:24

Just thought of another one....

I'm not on to stand on ceremony usually. But at Christmas, I do think there's a lot to be said for at least making an effort to wait until everyone is at least SEATED before you start eating. it is not unusual for me to sit down and finish serving myself (DH usually makes a start on my plate while I'm finalising things) only to realise that BIL has finished his first plateful already.

aCatCalledFawkes · 01/12/2025 16:26

People who offer to bring something then leave it to the last minute and funnily enough they can't find any left.
My ex last year had one job which was to buy some Christmas crackers and yes of course he left it until the last minute despite living next to a supermarket. Lunch time Christmas eve and he can't find any at 🙄

Lifelover16 · 01/12/2025 16:30

DH, DF and DFIL who offer to “keep out of your way” while you are cooking by going to the pub for a swift one. Come back absolutely pissed and 45 mins late for serving up time.

CarefulN0w · 01/12/2025 16:33

This is my thread.

If I have cleared and cleaned a space on the worktop, there is a good reason why. I don’t want random shit dumped there.
The same goes for my dining table that I have laid with care. It’s not for your kids toys.

We have bins for rubbish and recycling. If you are not a small child, you can probably manage to operate the pedals, so give it a go.

Don’t ever dump stuff in the sink. Looking at you DH.

And when I say dinner will be 15 minutes, grab a drink, perhaps you could go to the toilet before I put the food out to get cold?

ImFineItsAllFine · 01/12/2025 16:39

@BauhausOfEliott Same here! We generally get the contents of MILs fridge arriving with her, typically including a brown mushy lettuce and some green furry cheddar 😖

RessicaJabbit · 01/12/2025 16:40

NewCushions · 01/12/2025 16:24

Just thought of another one....

I'm not on to stand on ceremony usually. But at Christmas, I do think there's a lot to be said for at least making an effort to wait until everyone is at least SEATED before you start eating. it is not unusual for me to sit down and finish serving myself (DH usually makes a start on my plate while I'm finalising things) only to realise that BIL has finished his first plateful already.

So fucking rude to eat whilst people aren't yet sat down!

Shouldn't even be serving themselves until everyone is ready!

We have crackers as the signal to start serving, once crackers are done and hats on etc

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 01/12/2025 16:43

Outstaying your welcome!

After uninviting us from theirs for Christmas (whole different ludicrous story), MIL decided that we'd host them and BIL/SIL as well in the afternoon. Fine. We have a toddler, both looking forward to a chill one since we'd been so ill and busy.

After faffing around insisting that they'd bring us cold (and dry) from theirs at 3pm, we had to convince her that no, we'd have eaten our own proper roast at 2.

They come over late at 4.30, give DS his presents, stayed through his bedtime... Then til almost 10.

There is not enough seating in our house. Husband and I spent 5h sat on the floor with aching backs. FIL couldn't drink because he was driving. At 8.30 BIL starts hinting they want to be back for the dog. At 9 FIL starts asking to head back for the telly. At 10 MIL finally allows them to leave and we can sit on our own damn sofa on Christmas day for half an hour before bed.

moreteensthansense · 01/12/2025 16:44

"oh no this is going to upset my stomach, I will be poorly later" (MIL, piling her plate as high as it will go)

pinkyredrose · 01/12/2025 16:48

MichaelPortillosRedTrousers · 01/12/2025 09:23

One year I asked my brother to bring crackers. He brought cream crackers. Next year I asked specifically for Christmas crackers. He brought a Christmas themed box of Jacons crackers. I should point out that at no point have we been a cheesy family, cheese does not feature in Christmas day at all and both times I said "the sort you pull." The year after he brought 6 crackers, so less than one each. I've asked for fizzy pop for the kids - he's brought prosecco.

Show quote history

That's the kind of thing I'd do!😂 People need to be more concise i find!

Sahara123 · 01/12/2025 16:54

RealReginaPhalange · 01/12/2025 09:02

I guess mine is not only specifically during Christmas but yes, putting toys away wherever they pleased to do so😂 i have a best friend with 3 boys, similar age to my boy, its always armagedon after they visit but i dont mind cleaning the toys! I even like it cause have a chance of sorting them out and i am glad boys have fun, but my friend insist on teaching her boys to be helpful and not to leave everything like that and then just go…so they just put them away…everywhere they can without sorting and i have to take them all out and re-do it all🫣

I am more than happy for people to make a good attempt at putting things away, I hate it more when they leave every single thing lined up along the worktop because “ they didn’t know where it went”. I really don’t mind if you open my cupboards and make a good guess ! ( looking at you mother)

Notfeelinit · 01/12/2025 16:55

OttersMayHaveShifted · 01/12/2025 08:57

Being an extra body standing around in the kitchen trying to chat with the cooks and always being in the way of the cupboard or fridge that need to be opened and never offering to help!

Yes! Totally this! And non stop talking at you arggggggg!

ThatsCute · 01/12/2025 16:58

NewCushions · 01/12/2025 16:24

Just thought of another one....

I'm not on to stand on ceremony usually. But at Christmas, I do think there's a lot to be said for at least making an effort to wait until everyone is at least SEATED before you start eating. it is not unusual for me to sit down and finish serving myself (DH usually makes a start on my plate while I'm finalising things) only to realise that BIL has finished his first plateful already.

This is pretty basic table manners. Depending on how he’s your BIL, either you need to have a chat with your sister, or DH needs to have a chat with his brother or sister, and table manner expectations need to be set.

Notfeelinit · 01/12/2025 16:58

arethereanyleftatall · 01/12/2025 09:03

I remember a friend whose job it was to bring a cauliflower cheese, bringing a cauliflower, a block of cheese, milk, flour and butter and putting them on the side!

Ok, this has just given me an involuntary rage twitch 🤨

RessicaJabbit · 01/12/2025 16:59

If I'm doing Christmas dinner, all I want is people to come to kitchen when I request it and just follow instructions... Like

"take this dish to the table"

Get the potatoes from the garage.

Lay the table.

Move the turkey to the other counter.

DH slice turkey and out in the serving dish.

Sort the drinks.

No follow up questions allowed. No stirring anything. No standing around... Just do what needs to be done.

katystar · 01/12/2025 17:00

MIL one disastrous Xmas day decided to pull the crackers with the grandkids before everyone had got to the table, I’d already asked her to wait twice until we had all sat down but she carried on! The first and only time BIL and I have agreed on anything - he was the reason we were eating 3 hours late as it was actually told her ffs mum you’ve been asked to wait twice until we can all do it together. I could have kissed him 🤣 she listened to him but refused to talk to me for the rest of the day as I was rude and she wanted something special with the grandkids. Yes so would my mum and you know me and their dad! Still gives me rage.

SanFranBear · 01/12/2025 17:03

moreteensthansense · 01/12/2025 11:18

The people who live in my house all have different ideas about where things go, so I can't get upset about things being put in the wrong place - I'm used to looking for things and generally just grateful people are helping as I am more than happy to cook but don't want to clean up too. I get much more annoyed by people (MIL) who don't lift a finger as it is too difficult and they don't know where anything goes, or (SIL) who unloads the dishwasher all onto the side but makes no attempt to work out where anything goes (seriously, forks go in the drawer with the other forks. Where else might they go?)
My dad is a spoonyfucker and follows me round poking things and peering over my shoulder. It was better when his eyesight was better/the kids were younger and he could be set to putting batteries in things

Ah... Spoonyfucker takes me back 😁

AllJoyAndNoFun · 01/12/2025 17:12

My Christmas Dinner Crack Squad comprises DM, DSIL, DD (13 but good eye for an aesthetic table setting) and that is it. Everyone else needs to stay out of the kitchen, complete their assigned tasks competently (keep fires going, get more wood from outside, make drinks, gather chairs from around the house, recycle the wrapping paper) and also not

  • debate how to do your assigned task. If you want to do it differently to how I said, own the decision and don't try to engage me in a big discussion about it.
  • start explaining a really complicated subscription/ experience gift you got the DC while I'm trying to think about the timing on 10 things
  • Give me bits of important legal or financial paperwork to sign during same (looking at you DF).
  • Open the oven door to "check the turkey" and then not shut it again properly (dodgy catch but just don't open it.)
  • Tell me that your new bf/gf has complex dietary requirements 30 mins before serving up.
  • Bring me flowers that need arranging (I know that makes me sound like an ungrateful bitch btw).
  • Mention any of the banned topics - currently these are Brexit, trans debate, rewilding schemes and self-service checkouts.

I do love my family and a bit of a chaotic Christmas but I wish they'd just stay in their lanes a bit.