Anyone who doesn't do the elf thing, what do you tell your kids?

[YouLookLikeStevieNicks]

DD is only 2 so I don't really need to worry about this just yet.

But a friend said to me today "ooh she will be old enough for an elf next year" and it hit me that I really don't want to do it. I can't even explain why, I love christmas and I want to make it as magical as possible for her, but I really don't want a bloody elf!

Is it a really big deal these days? Will she be the only one in school without one?

This is what I should have said to be honest. But not to my children as they didn’t even ask for elf and I just did it for fun. I should have said it to myself!

And, it was fun, for the first couple years, by the way, after that it was just a PITA!!!

DO NOT DO IT!!

Not saying you’re wrong, but you let Santa into the house, and he is also a stranger, no?

I say the elf is allergic to dogs.

I have to immediately unfollow anyone on Facebook who starts with that rubbish. It’s just smug parents with too much time on their hands who think they’re really funny and unique showing off to their mates. No time or tolerance for this. And it really isn’t funny. Ever.

Got talked into it by a friend. Kid initially loved it but then got very freaked out at the thought of the elf moving around in her room when she wasn't there. Explained to her that it was just a bit of Christmas fun and it was me moving the elf, promised I wouldn't do it again, she promised not to spoil it for kids whose parents do do it. Elf went to the charity shop and no one misses it at all.

I would say when they are older, and it happens, it is a good time to talk about differences in traditions.

Personally, living in a very multi-cultural area outside of the UK, my son sees far bigger differences between families than just whether they have an elf or not, and each time all it needs is a little chat about how we have our traditions, and they come from our parents/grandparents/the family (+ culture and religion but that can wait until he is older), and they have their traditions. They probably do some things we don't do, and we do some things they don't do.. You love our festival, and they love theirs, and aren't we all lucky etc.

Children can learn that not all families do exactly the same thing, and to be thankful for what their family does.

I just told my DC straight out that they're only a toy, which some people like to play with.

It's a recent invention, I hate the idea that kids feel spied on and my Christmases were great without it.

“Not all families have elves.” There was mild disappointment but acceptance.

The teachers at school do them. That’s enough creepy doll nonsense for anyone’s childhood.

I get where you’re coming from. But in the ‘now’. Nowadays social media has to be very carefully curated. You can’t appear to share too much perfect parenting, or share how shit your day has been (totally attention seeking). But back in the day it was just sharing how you had fun with your children. And I saw others having fun and yeah I copied that. I didn’t think it was smug I just thought it was fun. And I joined in. I wasn’t being competitive, I shared some things but not everything.

Now I hardly share anything! I have an instagram which is just photos of things (the odd meals, drinks, places and the odd selfie) but no children as it’s set to public. On my Facebook I share the odd thing but not as much as what I used to. I am very conscious of sharing photos of my children, especially as they’re now older and more identifiable, even though my Facebook is locked down to friends and family, I do realise it’s not a good thing to do. BUT I also miss the days when social media was relatively new and it was a way to communicate with other people and enjoying. What they were sharing was great to see and it didn’t come across as smug or braggy. You would have conversations about what you’d posted, but now it’s just likes and hearts and other emojis.

I don't understand the need to make up something that still reinforces that the elf is real..

"Oh he doesn't come to our house" - surely that would make children more unhappy?

For me, its a simple chat, no need to treat it as if it is real, but also no need to outright say it isn't. Just an explanation that every family is different, and we all have different traditions, and aren't we all so lucky to have lovely Christmas traditions that we enjoy.

But then, my son is growing up outside of the U.K. in a community with a lot of different families and cultures, so its a bit more extreme here. Still though, each child needs to learn that their are some things their family does, and some that they don't, and that is the same with all families.

It has just been thanks giving, and the American families we know have been celebrating, but we didn't.. When it is Christmas, some of the families will not celebrate for religious reasons, and those that do will have all different traditions because of the range of cultures. Among the English families there are still a lot of differences that the kids notice/talk about, stockings, presents, what comes from santa, advent calendars, etc.

It is all fine - no excuses needed. Families are unique - children can understand that.

Alexadidzammomarryjackie
When mine asked I told her I thought they were weird and I didn't want them in our house. She was quite happy with that and I have never regretted the decision. Creepy little fuckers.

This seems so much better than telling your kids only naughty kids get them, which to me seems a bit mean, putting an air of superiority over not having one (we never did them but was lucky in that it was never questioned)

I do think it would be an interesting topic to analyze.. why does the elf inspire such anger?

Because I get it, my initial emotional response to it, is to find it deeply annoying. It is very very clear to see that I am not alone with that, as every thread about it generates instant emotion in the replies.

You don't get that with other "new" traditions. Lots of posters will say they don't do Christmas-eve boxes (including me), but there isn't the level of anger towards them as a newer tradition.

I don't think it is a purely logical reaction, because taking it coldly and logically:

• Is it because it is just more effort when we are all ready maxed out? If that were the reason, we would see the same anger to any new tradition
• Is it because some people take it too far and post about it online? They do that with advent calendars and every part of Christmas.
• Is it the spying part? but so is santa...
• Is it peer-pressure/societal pressure - again there is pressure on every part of Christmas
• Is it the effort? Maybe but we put tons of effort into all sorts at this time

I'm struggling to pin point it to a good reason why it inspires a reaction in me and many others of just wanting to kick the little guy as far away from our home as possible.

We don’t do it; DS has asked about it once or twice, I just say the elves don’t need to watch DS as he's well behaved!

I knew a mum who was doing this shit while both her kids were in secondary school. Full wrapping the toilet in paper, flour everywhere nightmares. One Christmas Eve she ‘claimed’ on Facebook that the elf had changed the kids bedding while they were asleep; cue pictures of her 16 year old son and 14 year old daughter allegedly asleep under Christmas bedding. Weird as fuck.

As you asked me 😁, I would say 2013 IS very recent. I’m in my mid- to late-sixties so I regard anything in the last twenty years as ‘very recent’. It seems like a very contrived US import that could be a rod for any parent’s back.

I was / am quite anti elf (mental load already maxed at Christmas among other things) however someone posted one to our house so our hand was somewhat forced last year. We do it super low key - move his spot every night is all. No shenanigans, just “find the elf” in the morning and he’s in the tree/sitting in the ceiling light/ etc. My son (5) really believes he’s sent from Santa - but we don’t have a “he’s listening to us and will bring consequences for bad behaviour “ set up. He’s just kind of there, which is a good happy medium for us and delights my child.

I told ds they're banned from our house, we don't allow that kind of behaviour, I also asked him what he thought of them and he said having seen them in shops , they look like plastic dolls. I told him that's what I believe too. I'm really not concerned about him 'ruining the magic ' of this nonsense. It's the 1st of December so ds gets to open the first door on his advent calendar. That's enough.

The elf thing was getting big enough when DD was young. We never did it.

I think it helped that she went to a multidenominational school so they learned about a lot of different religions and traditions there. It was also multi-ethnic, in that there were 48 different nationalities attending, and her class had a good mix of backgrounds. And Christmas got some mentions but the whole school celebration was for “Winterfest” and it was a “Winter Fair” not Christmas fair.

So there were lots of different traditions, some family, some religious, some ethnic backgrounds, and some just plain choices of individuals. I don’t think we ever got that question. Even though I know a good handful (at least 5 I was aware of, from 29 in DD’s class) had an elf in their house.

Occasionally the dolls and teddies got up to mischief while she slept or was at school…having tea parties, or big Ted reading a Christmas book to them all…and o e memorable time they had a snowball fight with cotton balls. But there was no pressure on us to come up with something daily. And there was no spooky presence watching in the house, just the general “he’s always watching” that the movies talk about.

I really hate the elves and the idea children need to be watched. It creeps me out.

we did this instead, which was gorgeous.

Fumed at reception teacher who had a flipping elf though. made it quite difficult to explain.

https://theimaginationtree.com/alternative-elf-on-shelf-tradition-kindness-elf-kindness-elves/

Our 9 year old has never asked to but is still into the idea of Santa

I suspect it’s like any trend, it’s big in places where it has caught on. Certainly DS1 told me that when the teacher in Y4(ish) asked who had one there were only about three DC who didn’t. And yes, I was ‘friends’ with his classmates parents and there were lots of posts on FB. DS1 never asked. DS2 did, once, mournfully, and simply got told we didn’t do it because it wasn’t a tradition at our house. DMum is American so we DO do Thanksgiving so DSs know about different traditions (we’re almost monocultural in their Primary school so they don’t see a lot of different traditions there).

Do kids not see them in the shops and twig that they are just a toy??

Saw this on Facebook 😂

There are some cuter elfs in Northern Europe. Nisse could be a middle ground.

My kids asked what if was, I told them some parents buy an elf and move it round every night to find in morning.

But I’d rather spend the money on other things, we’re busy enough and have lots of other lovely things around Christmas.
I don’t pretend that it’s real. They don’t feel like they’re missing out because they have lots of lovely other things to do at Christmas time.