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Christmas

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Gift giving anxiety after reading the gifts I hate receiving thread :(

85 replies

birdstone · 24/11/2025 14:50

I try really hard to give thoughtful gifts and I get quite a bit of anxiety about it because over the years I do keep in mind what people have told me they like or don't like. One friend is a minimalist who doesn't want anything that isn't vegan or cruelty free, who avoids certain toxins and doesn't want anything that will be clutter. People who get migraines (as I do) I don't buy anything that I know triggers them for them, try to remember their preferences for the kind of wine they like and the chocolates they enjoy but also try to get something they might not buy for themselves (we only do foodie gifts between us). Its just really tough and I put myself though the mill over it.

This year I've bought a some really beautiful things for people (no cheap tat) that I'd be thrilled to get myself but when read that gifts I hate to get quite a few are on their repeatedly and I feel a bit defeated. I have in the past suggested with people that we don't do gifts but instead put the money towards a day out, a trip to the theatre together and a meal or something like that but it's met with rejection as people want the gifts.

People on here saying conflicting things to check in with them or ask them what to get them but many other expecting a lovely surprise, some people want you to ask what to get their kids others say it's taking the piss to expect them to come up with gift ideas for you.

I don't know it's just so stressful and spoils Christmas a bit, when I was younger and was just buying my friends a mini set of shower gel and body lotion from the Bodyshop and a big bar of dairy milk it was cheap and cheerful and felt a lot less stressful.

OP posts:
lxn889121 · 25/11/2025 10:37

Why would that thread give you doubt?

What 1 person loves, isn't related to another. E.g. I could give 1000 mums a tea towel, and 400 might hate the gift... 450 might not care.. and 50 might like it.

If I know that my friend/family is in that 50 though, then it is a great present, and the fact that 950 wouldn't agree, makes no difference at all.

As long as you buy for specific people, and have some understanding of them and what they like, then any opinion other then theirs is completely irrelevant.

brightnails · 25/11/2025 12:14

yeah that thread was awful, according to
Mumsnet lore you can’t give or receive anything happily 😶 same resurrected moaning every year. just give thoughtful gifts as you were 🤷🏽‍♀️

MaturingCheeseball · 25/11/2025 13:38

I’m afraid I lost my temper (well, raised blood pressure anyway!) and posted on that thread.

How can people be so sneery ? They’re not complaining about purposely mean or passagg gifts, but - horror of horrors - cheap presents. I called them lower-middle class - tee hee!

Unhappyitis · 02/12/2025 10:58

Tryingatleast · 24/11/2025 19:11

Everyone’s different and you’ll know yourself. Honestly do not worry about it, I pass on presents I can’t use (eczema and rosacea and rheanauds!) to mother in law who will use it x

Is that raynauds?
Do products affect it?

Tryingatleast · 02/12/2025 11:43

Unhappyitis

my hands swell up and turn purple basically, ah, everything effects my skin really, I can only use le rocks posay and avene on my hands or body!

BeaLola · 02/12/2025 14:02

I'm sure your friends love the thought you have put in otherwise they would have jumped at the opportunity not to exchange and go to theatre or similar together

Unhappyitis · 06/12/2025 15:51

Tryingatleast · 02/12/2025 11:43

Unhappyitis

my hands swell up and turn purple basically, ah, everything effects my skin really, I can only use le rocks posay and avene on my hands or body!

That sounds painful. 😓

Tryingatleast · 06/12/2025 15:58

Unhappyitis

It’s just weird and uncomfortable but not sore!

Roobarbtwo · 25/12/2025 13:08

birdstone · 24/11/2025 14:50

I try really hard to give thoughtful gifts and I get quite a bit of anxiety about it because over the years I do keep in mind what people have told me they like or don't like. One friend is a minimalist who doesn't want anything that isn't vegan or cruelty free, who avoids certain toxins and doesn't want anything that will be clutter. People who get migraines (as I do) I don't buy anything that I know triggers them for them, try to remember their preferences for the kind of wine they like and the chocolates they enjoy but also try to get something they might not buy for themselves (we only do foodie gifts between us). Its just really tough and I put myself though the mill over it.

This year I've bought a some really beautiful things for people (no cheap tat) that I'd be thrilled to get myself but when read that gifts I hate to get quite a few are on their repeatedly and I feel a bit defeated. I have in the past suggested with people that we don't do gifts but instead put the money towards a day out, a trip to the theatre together and a meal or something like that but it's met with rejection as people want the gifts.

People on here saying conflicting things to check in with them or ask them what to get them but many other expecting a lovely surprise, some people want you to ask what to get their kids others say it's taking the piss to expect them to come up with gift ideas for you.

I don't know it's just so stressful and spoils Christmas a bit, when I was younger and was just buying my friends a mini set of shower gel and body lotion from the Bodyshop and a big bar of dairy milk it was cheap and cheerful and felt a lot less stressful.

I love a vegan gift. My brother gets me a bottle of vegan wine every year and I really appreciate it as he would eat a cow pie.

I particularly love vegan perfume from Primark or Aldi

I give gifts via a charity every year for families in need and any time I have bought for teens I have always given vegan make up. Hair care. Perfume

Pound land do excellent vegan stuff as do a few other shops

If you are buying people what they want who cares what other people think

WhatALightbulbMoment · 25/12/2025 13:49

You can't please everyone OP. However, I do think that if people complain about beautiful and thoughtful presents it's likely they'd prefer not receiving anything at all. I have been saying for years that I don't want any presents at all. I mostly get ignored, which is the reason why I struggle to appreciate the gifts I get given (the actual gifts - I do appreciate the thought very much).

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