Gift giving anxiety after reading the gifts I hate receiving thread :(

[birdstone]

I try really hard to give thoughtful gifts and I get quite a bit of anxiety about it because over the years I do keep in mind what people have told me they like or don't like. One friend is a minimalist who doesn't want anything that isn't vegan or cruelty free, who avoids certain toxins and doesn't want anything that will be clutter. People who get migraines (as I do) I don't buy anything that I know triggers them for them, try to remember their preferences for the kind of wine they like and the chocolates they enjoy but also try to get something they might not buy for themselves (we only do foodie gifts between us). Its just really tough and I put myself though the mill over it.

This year I've bought a some really beautiful things for people (no cheap tat) that I'd be thrilled to get myself but when read that gifts I hate to get quite a few are on their repeatedly and I feel a bit defeated. I have in the past suggested with people that we don't do gifts but instead put the money towards a day out, a trip to the theatre together and a meal or something like that but it's met with rejection as people want the gifts.

People on here saying conflicting things to check in with them or ask them what to get them but many other expecting a lovely surprise, some people want you to ask what to get their kids others say it's taking the piss to expect them to come up with gift ideas for you.

I don't know it's just so stressful and spoils Christmas a bit, when I was younger and was just buying my friends a mini set of shower gel and body lotion from the Bodyshop and a big bar of dairy milk it was cheap and cheerful and felt a lot less stressful.

Honestly.. If people whinge about this then maybe it all needs cut back. I don’t think there’s any need to buy for friends or distant relatives if you have no idea what they like.

I completely agree! That thread is miserable so do ignore it. If your gift-receivers have said they still want gifts, they clearly like what you’re giving them.

I read it just after hitting order on some handmade soaps for my SIL. We have a very small budget for a family secret Santa and I picked what I thought she’d like from a lovely small business. Now I’m worried she’ll hate them.

But you have said you think a lot about what gifts your friends and family will appreciate and try hard to buy them things they will love and use, in which case nothing on that other thread applies to you 😊

Even if some things you've bought have been mentioned there, it doesn't mean everybody hates to receive them - you obviously know your recipient would want to receive them, and that's what matters.

That thread is more about the general 'filler' gifts that people buy because they have no other ideas, I would say.

I honestly love all gifts. Even crap gifts. I remember my ex's uncle bought them a second hand leather waistcoat that was too small. So much joy 🤣🤣🤣🤣

@BeingATwatItsABingThing It is a bit miserable isn't it! I get not wanting so much waste or things going to landfill but most of the time its just a minding as we used to call it and it's given in good faith.

I think handmade soaps are lovely, they are a luxury that I'd not buy for myself so would be really happy to get a gift like this, I'm sure your SIL will really like them!

Did you miss that people were disagreeing about what good gifts were on the other thread @birdstone ? If you know what the people you buy for like there is no problem.
Also, I think most expect a bit more thought from family whereas friends it's most token gifts if at all.

I love handmade soaps, I only buy cheap shit soap so I really enjoy fancy soap when it gets bought for me.

It’s why we’ve gone to doing a small secret Santa gift with DH’s family. He’s 1/4 and they all have partners and 3/4 have kids. It’s a lot of presents! MIL set the budget for £10-15 so that doesn’t actually buy anything.

🤞 she likes them.

@arcticpandas I do my best to get something I think they will really like but you can't always be sure can you? I think most of them aren't going to say I thought that was a crap gift.

I did post on that thread, my main bugbear is being given clothes that don't fit, i would be happy never to receive gifts but some people do like getting them, especially if a bit of thought has gone into them. Most people ard going to receive gifts at xmas that they don't want, its inevitable really.

I like all gifts 🤷‍♀️
I think there is such an air of snobbery on that thread, it’s just an ugly ungrateful attitude to have.

I think all you can do is choose what you think is something you feel the recipient would genuinely love/enjoy/need. I had a look at the thread you're referring to and whilst they're are things on there I wouldn't particularly want, there are others, I would love to receive.

We did that with DH's family for a while and I thought it worked out well but it done away with because it became a bit of a voucher swap and people were saying they weren't going to do it. However since we stopped we seem to have gone back to all doing individual bags of usually Christmas food goodies, candles and ornaments. One SIL has told me she doesn't want to do it this year and I'm not sure about the other she got quite upset one year when DH suggested they not do gifts. I get gifts from my husband's friends mum which I believe are regifts which I don't mind at all but I often do wonder if the secret santa wasn't the best option after all!

I think it is inevitable, I get migraines and often receive candles which I think smell nice but I can't really burn them. I just accept that people are stressed this time of year and are doing their best!

Count the number of people you want to buy presents for. Buy an equal number of tubs of Roses. Job done.

Seriously, it's hard, but we've all received gifts which we don't really want and end up quietly donating to the charity shop or church jumble sale. The likelihood is, therefore, that we've all given gifts that were unwanted as well. As long as it isn't egregiously bad (gardening gloves for someone in a high-rise flat) be grateful for what you receive and don't worry too much about what you give.

OP - there are things on that thread that I LOVE! So I really hope that my friends and family don't read that thread and cross off everything on it!

You know your friends, you are thoughtful and caring, have confidence in that and enjoy giving your gifts.

It’s impossible to please everyone. I would be happy to do away with gifts for the adults altogether but it would most likely just be DH and I not giving or receiving as we’re the ones out on a limb in the South West. The rest are all in London so see each other a lot.

Tbh I think the theme of that whole thread is just the lack of thought behind some gifts, especially when they are giving things they'd never want to receive themselves.

If you know someone who loves having pretty soaps/loves handmade gifts then handmade soaps are a beautiful gift for them and they will love to open them, but if you were to give handmade soaps to, say, a mum of toddlers with a chaotic bathroom (me!!!😂) they wouldn't really be a hugely useful or appropriate gift? (even though actually I would still like them!)

It's just thinking about what people actually like and use isn't it? For me, I'd much rather receive a pair of nice gardening gloves than a gift set from Boots, but others would hate that.

It's all about putting some true through into that person and what they like.

I had a look at that thread and I think lots of mentioned are basically "she is a woman let's get her that" repetitive gifts. Hence the hate.
And yeah the random cometics addlayer of problem for us with annoyingly sensitive skin.

You know your friends, you get them what they like. Some people really just pass through asda aisle and take 3 pink boxes and 3 black ones.

I do see what you're saying and I'd be happy with a tub of roses myself but that is definitely the kind of gift people do turn their noses up at. I could buy someone a pair of cashmere socks and some bird and blend tea which to me is a really luxury gift but they might just be thinking, all she gave me was a pair of socks and some tea.

There absolutely is! I am genuinely grateful for gifts I receive because someone has put some thought into buying me something.

It’s a miserable thread! I’ve just wrapped up some lovely gloves and toiletries sets for the adults in my family. I gave slipper socks and candles year. Nothing I wouldn’t want myself is my approach. And one present per person.

For me it is just to show them they have been thought of. I can’t be asking them for lists. They are adults, Christmas is not really about them anyway.

@Handeyethingyowl "Nothing I wouldn’t want myself is my approach" I try to do this myself I am looking at some of the things I've bought now and am thinking I hope someone gets me some stuff like this or perhaps sticking it on the list for DH to get me!

I think noone can object to handmade soap- it's lovely!

Even if people don't like your gift, they will still pretend they do and will show gratitude so don't worry about it.

If you find gift buying stressful and it ruin Christmas for you, you could just say next year that you aren't buying or receiving gifts but will donate to charity instead.

You don't need anyone's agreement to do this, just be sure you let them know in plenty of time.