Gift giving anxiety after reading the gifts I hate receiving thread :(

[birdstone]

I try really hard to give thoughtful gifts and I get quite a bit of anxiety about it because over the years I do keep in mind what people have told me they like or don't like. One friend is a minimalist who doesn't want anything that isn't vegan or cruelty free, who avoids certain toxins and doesn't want anything that will be clutter. People who get migraines (as I do) I don't buy anything that I know triggers them for them, try to remember their preferences for the kind of wine they like and the chocolates they enjoy but also try to get something they might not buy for themselves (we only do foodie gifts between us). Its just really tough and I put myself though the mill over it.

This year I've bought a some really beautiful things for people (no cheap tat) that I'd be thrilled to get myself but when read that gifts I hate to get quite a few are on their repeatedly and I feel a bit defeated. I have in the past suggested with people that we don't do gifts but instead put the money towards a day out, a trip to the theatre together and a meal or something like that but it's met with rejection as people want the gifts.

People on here saying conflicting things to check in with them or ask them what to get them but many other expecting a lovely surprise, some people want you to ask what to get their kids others say it's taking the piss to expect them to come up with gift ideas for you.

I don't know it's just so stressful and spoils Christmas a bit, when I was younger and was just buying my friends a mini set of shower gel and body lotion from the Bodyshop and a big bar of dairy milk it was cheap and cheerful and felt a lot less stressful.

I'm probably a person who'd be difficult to buy for. I've pretty much got everything I need, and I can buy myself something if I want it. Every year I find Christmas difficult because my mum doesn't listen when I ask her not to buy me anything, just to get gifts for the kids. I find the whole Christmas period difficult because I'm out of routine, there's lots of socialising etc, and having more stuff coming into the house is something I'd prefer to avoid. Even if it's lovely stuff! So my plea would be if you do know someone who's asked for no gifts, don't take it personally, maybe find another way to celebrate with them. It's really not about the gifts (or it shouldn't be).

It is funny - but sad too! I guess now people can't wait to see what your DM has bought you, but for the wrong reason!

My partner often gets it wrong , I don't even get annoyed anymore, just hand it back and tell him to save his money. My fav so far was a 2nd hand Elvis jumpsuit, complete with stains he bought from Amazon. I mean, what?! He's never seen me in a jumpsuit, let alone express a desire for an Elvis one. I wonder what this year will bring?!

I think the best way to manage your anxiety is to just to try to accept that some gifts will be appreciated and some won’t. It doesn’t matter much in the scheme of things. Continue as you have been, without putting any more or less effort in selecting gifts. I have a couple of relatives that hardly ever like their gifts. I buy them something simple and don’t sweat it. You can’t control what you can’t control.

The 'gifts I hate to get' thread is all full of generic thoughtful gifts from people buying for the sake of it though. If you actually know the person and put thought in a swing and a miss is fine. Not every gift ever can be the utterly perfect item the receiver has always wanted.

Like my mam bought me some lovely clothes in my exact style and really good brands but somehow didn't click that in 15 years (and 3 kids later) I'm not the size I was when she use to do my teenage clothes shopping. While many complain about passive aggressive missizing this wasn't that it was just a genuine mistake.

Its completely different to receiving random 3 for 2 boots deal bath bomb set from multiple different people when you only have a shower and a well known battle terrible psoriasis so they will all just get dumped at the charity shop/food bank.

You sound very thoughtful and your friends and family are lucky to have you.

Everyone’s different and you’ll know yourself. Honestly do not worry about it, I pass on presents I can’t use (eczema and rosacea and rheanauds!) to mother in law who will use it x

I started reading that thread and thought it seemed a bit mean spirited. Then someone described Lindor chocolates as ‘horrid’ and I realised it was the raving of lunatics and can be safely ignored.

I just read that thread too and thought what a bunch of ungrateful snobs they were. I love presents like wine, soaps, socks shower gel etc. just ignore them. They’re a miserable bunch

I always thought Bayliss and Harding was quite posh and I display it proudly if I get given any!

you sound lovely and thoughtful, OP.
Anyone who tells you, directly or indirectly, that they don't like your gift is an arse who doesn't deserve you as a friend.

I don’t like people who complain about presents. I think it’s really rude. You just carry on what you’re doing and I’m sure your friends are nicer people.

There was at least one poster who said they don’t like Lindor so we know that it’s all just madness.

I read that thread and thought: Oh. I love getting socks, bath stuff (I think Baylis and Harding is massively under-rated due to snobbery because of its price - I prefer it to Molton Brown - the rose and geranium bath gel is sublime and DS2 often asks for the Oud for Christmas.) I love Lindor; I like practical stuff like tea towels and fancy olive oils. Even scented candles, which I am a bit fussy about are fine - I burned one today because DH had a fry up when I was out yesterday and I'd rather the house smelled of scented candle than stale fry up.

What the hell do these people want as a token gift?

Totally agree.
Christmas (presents) is for children.

As an adult, if I want something , I get it , or save up and get it ( or go without).
I do not buy for friends and relatives.
I do get a bottle / chocolates / good box of biscuits, for 3 of the neighbors, as they really lovely neighbors/ people.
only one in-law left , so bottle of their favourite sprit.
That’s it.
Very stress free.
I love Christmas and our tree always looks beautiful.
we do see friends and family and eat lots of great food.

Just touching 300 posts about gifts that people dislike receiving? Nah, I can't be bothered to read any of that. You sound really nice, OP, pay no mind to all the negativity on here.

I wouldn’t worry. People on here love a moan!

Years ago my Nan received some boot slippers. They were vile and showed her sister in law either cba or hated her. All sounds awful but we laughed about them for weeks.

I was about 10 and now 45 and can still remember laughing so much. We called them elf boots and all tried them on. So, even a bad present can have a happy ending

I think if you’ve suggested to stop doing presents and everyone still wants to then that means you are doing a great job choosing things they like. I was never a fan of the things I got in my friendship groups secret Santa / bdays and I encouraged us to save the money we would have spent on a weekend away. My friends were up for it so perhaps they didn’t like their presents either!

Thanks everyone, I do feel a bit better now! Hopefully everyone likes their presents this year or at least doesn't think they are awful! 🎅🎁☃️🎄

Presents are for adults too 😁
DH and I would never pay for socks what my mum is happy to, so we actually look forward to them😂

I get the annoyance for some people. Mum used to get bunch of shower gel whatnot gift boxes which she just left in bathroom for everyone to use because it was too much and she liked soap bar. Some people just grab something without much though.

Presents for adults are just as important, I think. And it's nice to give something to people who are without families. An elderly neighbour near me has no one, not a soul, but there will be half a dozen of us leaving small gifts for her to find on Christmas morning.
I remember as a child there was no one to give my mum a Christmas present, and it used to make me sad. I love buying her presents now.

I gave someone a £30 box of hotel Chocolat. She's got a lot more money than me and can buy anything she wants but I know she likes chocolate. I got told by someone close to her than she'd prefer Galaxy. God knows what to get her this year, I've got a feeling she'll have gone off Galaxy.

At @birdstone , everyone who really knows me, knows I dont do smellies, doesnt matter how much you spend, if you knew me you know I dont do them ( and if I do get some - they are in the charity shop or regifted.

Those that do know me , and not having a fortunes to spend, know I love socks, love a posh pesto , love something small , cheap, homemade ,

If you have put thought into your pressies, they will be welcomed

Stop reading what others like - esp on here - its rather skewed

I love a nice soap!

That is so rude. Milk tray this year

The people you have checked in with have said they still want to do gifts, so they love your gifts!

Weren’t there things on the bad gift thread that you’d have liked to receive? It’s clearly different for everyone.

You are really trying hard. Don’t let someone else’s worries stop you doing what works for you and your loved ones.