Don't want my brother's dog at Christmas

[Keepoffmyartichokes]

Every year we host Christmas for both families, it's always a lovely day but a bit chaotic. This year my brother who has to travel about 40 minutes but due to sharing custody of his children only stays about 3 hours wants to bring his cockapoo. We don't want the dog in our house, we don't have pets, we have nice flooring we don't want scratching, nice furniture that we don't want to dog jumping on. It's a spoiled dog and not very well trained. My DS who is 13 said he doesn't want it there as it's jumpy and he's not keen. My MIL has had a knee replacement this year and is a bit unsteady still and I think it will cause stress for her as a trip hazard. But how do I tell my brother kindly without coming across as a dog hater.

Just tell him he can’t bring the dog. The dog will be fine. Contrary to what some people think, they don’t spontaneously combust after being left for four hours. It’s one day, for a few hours. It’s not leaving it for ten hours a day, five days a week. My dog will be alone for a similar time period on Christmas Day and will be fine. He will be walked beforehand, left in a warm, comfortable house with a full tummy and will have another walk and endless fuss on our return, and will spend the evening on my lap, snoozing. No dramas. Just say no, OP.

I’ve got dogs and don’t mind the occasional visiting dog. DSis’s cockatoo, however, is banned. It’s manic, uncontrollable, jumps everywhere and does this mad screaming thing - I’ve never heard a dog scream before but apparently some cocker pops do it. In fairness DSis rues the day they got it. Just be blunt and say no

Yeah well lucky you. My DH’s friend insisted on bringing their “beautifully behaved” dog to our house which then ripped the leather sofa, chewed a bit of skirting board and threw up on our cream carpet. And I like dogs but never again. OP has every right to say no dogs especially as her son isn’t comfortable with it.

I wasn't implying that at all! Dogs are fun and funny and bring people together whether they're already together or not 🙃

Say what you said here. Maybe your brother will be relieved. Celebrating Christmas with someone else’s children sounds pretty miserable for him. He can stay at home have a n

Just be honest with your brother. It may mean he doesn't come if he feels the dog won't cope alone for several hours though.

That's your opinion, many of us don't agree.

Not everyone thinks that dogs are fun.

Some people are scared of dogs and it would ruin their Christmas, not bring them together.

At least he told you so you have a chance to say no. My family just turn up with stinking dogs that terrify the cat. No warning. Assumption they are members of the family.

Dogs are not always fun, this is a ridiculous blanket statement. in a chaotic house where lots of people are gathering and eating, dogs can react badly and cause issues.

We have a dog. A much loved part of the family. We enjoy taking her wherever we go.

My SIL doesn’t like dogs. We never take our dog to her house. It’s never a problem and it’s her home so we respect her rules.

When SIL visits us, we do not put the dog in the garden etc. Her house, her rules. Our house, our rules.

Just tell your brother that you don’t have dogs in the house nor garden. It is then up to him to plan accordingly.

We love our dog but I wouldn't inflict her on anyone else, especially at Christmas. I also wouldn't want someone else's dog in our home for hours, again especially at Christmas when there is so much going on. He needs to leave her at home/elsewhere, or not come.

He must stay at home with his dog. Tell him that the dog will just be too chaotic this year with the knee replacement. Perhaps he can leave it with a friend. I love dogs - if they are mine. I am at best lukewarm on other people’s dogs and am just suffering through another visit of relative plus dog (which DH agreed to) and said dog has been barking and whining for 3 days. It is highly strung and freaks out at the slightest noise. It’s a lack of social awareness that makes people think their dog is welcome everywhere.

It’s heartening to read the comments on this thread from dog owners who understand that dogs don’t have to be everywhere.

OP just tell your brother that you are looking forward to seeing him but the dog is not welcome. You are not obliged to compromise for his dog, it is wholly his choice to own one and it comes with sacrifices.

Just say no.

I’m a dog owner and wouldn’t dream of taking my dogs with me anywhere, even to family members houses.

No, but I think most people are operating on the fact you shouldn't really leave dogs for more than 4 hours. Which means when you factor in travel time it means you don't get very long with the family.

I think as well for his kids who will have spent time travelling from mum to dad's, to then spend over an hour and a half in the car for a two hour visit to their aunt's it seems pretty shitty. Their Christmas is going to be more journey time than celebrating

Sorry it's given me the wrong quote - this was in response to the poster who asked if the OP said the dog can't be left

Yes, and I'm a rabid pet lover.

I'd have a massive menagerie if I was willing to accept the limitations of those pets.

I'm not, and it wouldn't occur to me to make changes to my hosting to accommodate someone's pets, and I'd NEVER ask anyone to accommodate my pets.

(Because I know my limits, this is a couple of fish and an old cat)

I am quite a dog person but don't take mine to other people's houses.
They are OK to be left in their kennel and run while we are out, because we have trained them that way, they are used to it and they have each other for company.
Alternatively, if we are out for longer, they are quite happy to be taken along, in their dog cage in the vehicle, and checked on regularly, fed, walked and so on, using the vehicle as a base.
Mine are outside dogs most of the time and they have good coats.
A friend of mine uses a fleecy dog coat for his saluki cross, who is then quite comfortable and relaxed in his car, but again, has been trained to it and being alone, is regularly checked on.
A dog alone, who isn't used to it may get very distressed if it is suddenly put in this situation.
But it is for your brother to make arrangements/train his dog, in whatever way works.

You don't actually know what his response will be. Just talk to him.
I don't want dogs in my house nor does DH.
It never stopped my parents or my sister coming for Christmas.

If I want to be able to tell family and friends I don’t want their kids in my house, then I suppose it goes both ways

Ok, yes, not all dogs are fun. But most are better company than most people IMO.
I have been invited to my DBs for Christmas. Their's is a non animal household, but the understanding is I can't go anywhere without my dog (I will ask now though!!). I am lucky because she's immaculately behaved and the focus of every gathering, loved by everyone. So yes, I am hugely biased here and will slope off (to kiss my beautiful dog).

The fact that he hasn't actually asked you if he can bring the dog probably explains why you're worried because some dog owners are so entitled and make you feel like an alien for not wanting them in your house.

No, pet owners have a responsibilty to their pets. They dont have the option to leave their animal at home, in distress, for long periods of time.

A venue which accomodates everyone needs to be found. That is somewhere dog friendly (and child friendly for OPs child). Also disabled friendly if any of the other guests have disabilities. You'd have to be some kind of selfish arsehole to insist (or even suggest) that the family Christmas must be held in a venue that will exclude one family member and leave them alone at Christmas because of their pre-existing responsibilities.

She doesn’t want the dog in her house. What is there to understand?

No advice at all but we have a similar issue. In laws cannot leave their dog home alone, they don’t even like to put it in another room for a minute if we go over there, so we must spend Christmas with the (completely untrained) dog, and Christmas dinner battling to keep the dog away from our food. There would be a whole family fall out if I said no, dc and dh would be sad not to see their dgp, and they are lovely people otherwise really so it’s hard to put our foot down on this. Something always gets broken and the house stinks after. I dread it every year tbh. It’s a good sign your db has asked though, I would say if you’re able to come without ddog we would really appreciate it. Then because I’m a people pleaser I’d probably get ddog a little Xmas gift for db to take home to show I do still care about the animal he loves so much!