Don't want my brother's dog at Christmas

[Keepoffmyartichokes]

Every year we host Christmas for both families, it's always a lovely day but a bit chaotic. This year my brother who has to travel about 40 minutes but due to sharing custody of his children only stays about 3 hours wants to bring his cockapoo. We don't want the dog in our house, we don't have pets, we have nice flooring we don't want scratching, nice furniture that we don't want to dog jumping on. It's a spoiled dog and not very well trained. My DS who is 13 said he doesn't want it there as it's jumpy and he's not keen. My MIL has had a knee replacement this year and is a bit unsteady still and I think it will cause stress for her as a trip hazard. But how do I tell my brother kindly without coming across as a dog hater.

Nope, a dog left in distress will get increasingly fearful and unable to be left.

A dog not being able to be left is not necessarily avoidable.

You have to be a certain kind of unkind to advocate one person being left alone at Christmas rather than a large group splitting in two so that no-one is by themselves.

If it were the situation where there was an elderly, frail lady recovering from a knee op, I would either keep my dog on a short lead the entire visit or not come.

I also wouldn't leave my dog at home alone at Christmas- roast turkey isn't the same without the family mutt getting some leftovers and gravy.

He also has the options of kennels or boarding

OP has already said her DS isn’t keen on the dog and doesn’t want it in the house. Why are his feelings less important than a dog?

They aren’t - most normal people realise that

😂😂😂

but what about the regard for the OP, her son and the MIL?

OP doesn’t want the dog to come. She can tell her brother and then he can make the choice. They are all adults.

nobody is saying the dog should be abused. If the dog can’t be left alone for whatever reason then he either stays with the dog, takes the dog elsewhere to celebrate Christmas or finds someone to look after it.

It’s disingenuous to suggest that a venue must be found that will suit everyone. How, where, who?

@Bluevelvetsofa exactly. There was already a venue that suits everyone anyway.
Hope all is well @Keepoffmyartichokes and it’s all been sorted with your brother. Completely normal not to want a dog in your house.

How do you know the dog would be scared and in distress if left for a few hours? This is the problem nowadays. People treat dogs like babies and then have the temerity to whinge when someone doesn't want their dog in their house. If they trained it from a puppy to be alone for short periods gradually getting longer then this situation wouldn't happen. It's a dog, not a child. It's not animal abuse to leave it. How does it cope when it's owner is at work?

You mention he has actually asked if the dog can come, surely your response should have been sorry rather not due to all the things you have mentioned in your OP. Really not sure what your issue is.

Unfortunately a lot of dog owners don't accept this and think the dog is on par with children. My SIL brought her 2 "dog children" last Christmas. They are both small/medium terrier types and bark constantly if left alone, and her neighbours complain. They are very hyper, jumpy, barky and scratchy. Most unpleasant company, not to mention the wooden floors getting damaged. SIL has been made very aware that they are not to be brought this year (she just turned up with them last year and thought everyone would be fine!) and if she cannot leave them then she'll have to enjoy her Christmas dinner in her house.

You clearly really like your SIL and value her company.

I agree with this 👆. Leaving it in a cold cramped car is not a good idea at all. Long walk and leave at home for a few hours.

Or she has rightly set boundaries with her SIL who was behaving like a twat

We all really value her company very much, but no one, including her sister who was the host and who's floor was damaged, values the company of the badly behaved dogs. SIL has always been hosted for every single occasion, and has invited us maybe 3 times in the last 35 years.

Just stop having massive souped up family christmases at your ages.

Do your own christmases and your own home and every other year someone takes the parents.Unless, of course, they want their own christmas.

Honestly, my partner's family does this.You're all too old for this shit. I for one am glad I was from a family that aren't so enmeshed that I have to spend every christmas seeing my siblings.

This just shows all the problems with pet ownership. It’s cruel to keep pets.

Plus keeping pets and all that entails is bad for the environment.

My DS is terrified of dogs. Having a dog around would ruin his Christmas.

You don't mean the boot do you? The closed section with no windows?

OP - you mention you host every year. Is his dog new?
just wondered what he’s done with it previous years if not

Yes, pets are gratification machines for the owners. That's why people get them.

You are effectively saying "someone in the family must volunteer to suffer the dog, or you are all bad people".

Some people like dogs, some don't. Who would wish to force their pet on unenthusiastic family members? That would be a big absence of regard for other people, wouldn't it?

Children are far worse than dogs.

That’s a ridiculous stance.

For some people, who are scared (like OPs son) dogs are anti social. It's like saying we will have to find a venue that will allow smoking because uncle Gary smokes.