Don't want my brother's dog at Christmas

[Keepoffmyartichokes]

Every year we host Christmas for both families, it's always a lovely day but a bit chaotic. This year my brother who has to travel about 40 minutes but due to sharing custody of his children only stays about 3 hours wants to bring his cockapoo. We don't want the dog in our house, we don't have pets, we have nice flooring we don't want scratching, nice furniture that we don't want to dog jumping on. It's a spoiled dog and not very well trained. My DS who is 13 said he doesn't want it there as it's jumpy and he's not keen. My MIL has had a knee replacement this year and is a bit unsteady still and I think it will cause stress for her as a trip hazard. But how do I tell my brother kindly without coming across as a dog hater.

If there is an incompatibility that really can't be overcome, then the group splits so no-one is left alone. Maybe its time for OP to start alternating between her side and her DHs side of the family? Whatever. But one person being excluded is extremely unkind, and wouldn't be entertained in our family.

HE CAN LEAVE THE DOG!!!!

why are you shouting?? 😂

Congratulation. Still don’t want them in my house

He can't leave the dog. Leaving their pet scared and in distress is not a "choice". That is why I am shouting. So many people suggesting that cruelty to animals is an acceptable option that pet owners should choose.

Feeling's mutual

We don’t know if he can leave the dog or not - some dogs are fine being left for a few hours.

Even if he can’t leave the dog, OP’s brother might be fine (or even relieved!) not coming to the family Christmas. It’s not as though he won’t see anyone - OP says her parents see her brother before they come round anyway.

Saying that a dog isn't welcome is not excluding a sibling. If the brother is one of those saps that can't leave his dog for a few hours then he's excluding himself.

Plenty of people leave their dogs for a few hours. What do people do when they go to work??

But your suggestions to find an “inclusive venue” aren’t a choice either, as the OPs family have expressly stated they don’t feel comfortable being around the dog because it is annoying. What would you say if someone was allergic? Far more acceptable for the dog to be a little bit sad it is on its own for a bit than to leave a family member out of Christmas, or deliberately make them feel uncomfortable

Obviously we don’t actually know if the OPs brother is a wet lettuce who insists he “can’t” leave a dog but if he is he should have trained it to be left and then he wouldn’t be in this situation

@dontmalbeconme

why can’t the brother just host??

If the brother doesn't come then he's excluding himself. Why should mil have to be uncomfortable after having an op, being forced to sit in a pub, just because of a fucking dog? Humans comfort overrides a dogs imo. A dog shouldn't ruin everyone's Christmas just because it's owner won't leave it for a few hours

After a knee replacement surgery I confirm it is indeed frightening to be in close proximity of running, jumping or uncontrolled dogs - if it helps.

By "sap", I presume you mean someone not prepared to abuse their dog by leaving it scared and in distress?

I'm really saddened by how many people think cruely to animals is an acceptable "choice".

Not all dogs can be left, regardless of how much training and behavioural management you do. This is often linked into the breed, but can also be due to previous abusive behaviour in rescue dogs.

No decent human being would think that "spend Christmas alone" or "leave your dog scared and in distress" was an acceptable choice to offer their sibling.

If OP doesnt want the dog, which cannot be left, in her house, then Christmas needs to happen elsewhere, or somehow differently, so that her sibling is not excluded, and alone at Christmas.

This is not about the dog, its about treating her sibling decently at Christmas.

I dont know. Is OP prepared to go her DBs house? I think its a perfectly valid suggestion if they can make it work.

OPs brother should spend Christmas alone so that MIL doesn't have to go to a pub? (Without even knowing whether MIL likes pubs or not). Really?

If you're presented with the choice of "spend Christmas alone" or " leave your pet scared and in distress", you're not being offered a viable choice, and you are absolutely being excluded.

Work from home, or use doggy daycare (which won't be open on Christmas Day).

I think because he has asked if it’s allowed you can therefore say no. As he’s asked he’s therefore expecting it could be a yes or no.

at the end of the day it’s your home. He chose to have a dog that he can’t leave? Many places don’t allow dogs so it’s just something he has to get used to.

maybe he can find a friend or neighbour to drop in.

and if he chose to stay at home he wouldn’t be alone - he’d have the dog right? I’m sure he’ll figure it out!

You chose that life by keeping a pet that can’t be left, the rest of your family did not.

Pets are not equal to humans.

And OP’s very first post stated that the MIL and DC did not want to be round the dog, so none of your ‘move everything to suit the dog who I’ve decided must be terribly anxious’ options apply.

So they need to split into 2 groups, so no-one is left alone if they really can't find a fully inclusive solution.

Exactly - and the MIL is recovering from surgery so shouldn’t have to be around the dog wherever it is. The MILs knee is more important than the dog’s “distress”. The dog will get over it the more it is left

Indeed, in many extended families, the pets are the most universally beloved and acceptable. I remember many of my childhood Christmases gathered around my cousins' turtles, cats and pet hedgehog.:)

But the needs are not equal - splitting into two groups is drawing a parallel between the “issues”, one of which is entirely avoidable and of their own making

All those additions sound infinitely preferable to a badly trained cockerpoo.

See id happily have a pet hedgehog round!!

Gosh no. It does seem that pets are not equal to humans. Pets tend to display more empathy and decency than most humans on this thread are showing.

Seriously, so many people saying "abuse your pet or you deserve to be excluded from family get togethers".

Who treats someone like that, especially a family member? Thankfully not anyone I know in real life. I can only assume its the socially inept keyboard warriors who are frothing on this thread. Theres a big absence of regard for other people on here.