Don't want my brother's dog at Christmas

[Keepoffmyartichokes]

Every year we host Christmas for both families, it's always a lovely day but a bit chaotic. This year my brother who has to travel about 40 minutes but due to sharing custody of his children only stays about 3 hours wants to bring his cockapoo. We don't want the dog in our house, we don't have pets, we have nice flooring we don't want scratching, nice furniture that we don't want to dog jumping on. It's a spoiled dog and not very well trained. My DS who is 13 said he doesn't want it there as it's jumpy and he's not keen. My MIL has had a knee replacement this year and is a bit unsteady still and I think it will cause stress for her as a trip hazard. But how do I tell my brother kindly without coming across as a dog hater.

Nonsense. I'm a dog person, have had several, would love to have another but currently have too many cats. I won't allow dogs in my house because it'll piss the cats off and I'll have cats stress peeing all over the furniture.

Op's son isn't scared, he's "not keen". Let's banish all things teenagers are "not keen" on, as pandering to a teenager's preferences (even if that means excluding someone) is definitely the way to go!

TBH, I'd be so disappointed in a child of mine if they wouldnt actively want to help find a working solution to make sure their Uncle wasn't alone at Christmas (with no distress caused to animals).

But she doesn’t want the dog there. So doesn’t need to go to all of these lengths to accommodate it.

Her home, her choice.

This is completely reasonable, unless you insist that everyone must come to your house, knowing that would exclude someone who would end up spending Christmas alone.

Fine. But its not OK to host a full family Christmas excluding just one family member, leaving them alone.

A compromise needs to be found whereby OP doesn't have to host the dog, but OPs brother is still included in (and able to attend - with dog if necessary) the family Christmas celebration.

This is the brother’s issue to solve, not OP’s, as he’s the one creating the problem if he won’t leave the animal he chose to get.

I’m sure if he suggested an option that suited everyone at no additional hassle and cost, and protected OP’s MIL and son from having to interact with a jumpy dog, it would be seriously considered.

You know when getting a dog that it may restrict what you’re able to do. Or you should realise.

But until or unless OP updates, we don’t know whether the dog might be ok to be left anyway. So it might be fine - brother can come, dog can stay, everyone happy.

Maybe the brother can come up with that possible solution.

My son wouldn't go anywhere near a jumpy dog so in our case, it would be if the dog is there then we wouldn't be there.

As a dog owner I don’t think it’s an issue if the dog stays at home as your brother is a 40 minute drive. Most dogs ( spaniels are the worst for separation but I can still leave mine) can survive ok for 3-5 hours with a good walk beforehand.

I don’t know how old the dog is but usually my dog would just sleep. I also work from home. Cockerpoos ARE very bouncy and it’s fine to say no. Your brother could also ask a friend if they’d have him or a neighbour to pop in and let him out for a wee. It’s a one off aswell.

Obviously your brother may say no and then you will need to decide if you will move to neutral ground to all be together or, have Christmas separately. What does your brother usually do when he comes to visit?

Do people have their brains kicked out when they get a dog?
The brother needs to grow up. It’s his problem. He knew when he git the dog that social visits will be affected.

I agree. And I can't imagine many venues allowing a dog on the premises on Christmas Day; so they'd be no better off.

This is why I couldn’t have a dog. They tether you so much! I know there are huge rewards for folk in having dogs and I get it, but this baffles me. It’s perfectly fine to say no and you don’t even really need a reason but a son who’s nervous of dogs and a relative who’s unsteady on their feet is enough reason. Equally he can say no to coming and in fact that might be the responsible thing to do if it means leaving the dog that long. I’m guessing some cope better than others with being left.

He could leave the dog in the car as long as it has a good walk beforehand.

Excellent reply.

I don't hate dogs but I wouldn't want one in my home
I can't understand this idea that dogs should be welcomed at other peoples houses.
They aren't everyone's bees knees

Just say no. If he walks it before and after then it's really only being left for about 4.5 hours this is nothing in the grand scheme of things if u think about and normal night going to bed at 10pm and getting up at 7am the dogs been left for 9hrs.

Well you’d hope not but nowadays dogs are flipping everywhere!!!

@dontmalbeconme

you do realise most restaurants wouldn’t allow a dog in the eating area of a restaurant on Christmas Day?
also it’s very expensive to eat out on Christmas Day. Not sure everyone should suck up the big cost of what’s gonna be likely fairly average mass produced meal just because of a dog that they didn’t choose to have

I’m a dog owner! Two dogs infact! They are part of my family. We hold things at our house and our dogs are here like it or not. But going to someone’s house I would never assume I can take them. A good long walk and then being left for a few hours is fine for the dog. Your brother should respect that.

I’m I think it’s weird that people think they can bring their dog unless you’ve specifically said to bring it. Just tell him you would prefer he didn’t bring it. He can walk it, stay 2.5 hours and then walk it when he gets back. He’ll only be out of the house less than 4 hours which is fine for most dogs isn’t it?

It's definitely not dog hating, your taking pride in your home and there's risk factors that need to be considered. We used to go to my partners grandparents every Xmas or boxing day. We walked n fed dog as usual then he was fine at home a few hours. They chose to get a dog so don't feel bad. All you can do is be honest with him x

This. Surely the dog can be alone for 3 hours. Just tell him to leave it home.

Your brother has ample time between now and Christmas to make sure his dog can be left for longer. His failure as a dog owner is not your responsibility

The sooner you tell him no, the better.

And I speak as a dog owner

No, the important thing is that not everyone wants the dog there.

Of course HE can come *dontmalbeconme ... he just can't bring his dog. *