No Christmas dinner- should I follow through with my threat?

[Amarettoo]

I am English and live abroad with non-English DH and our 2 DC.

I should also add, that DH family were never big on Christmas and barely celebrated it. In my family it’s the highlight of the year.

Over the years we have combined our traditions (DH doesn’t have many, so we incorporate what we know from his country). So on the 24th we have a dinner (often fondue) and presents. Then on the 25th we have a UK Christmas, with presents and Christmas dinner- 3 courses with all the trimmings.

Last year I got so fed up of making a big effort, cooking a big roast with hard-to-source ingredients and clearing it all up by myself. DH said I chose to cook Christmas dinner, so can’t complain about the mess it makes. He is generally good with helping, but feels it is his right to relax at Christmas.

I kicked off and said I wouldn’t do it again.

Now Christmas is creeping up and I have a dilemma. Should I -

1. stick to my guns and not cook a Christmas dinner this year, do something completely different and easy like pizza

2. cook Christmas dinner but insist that everyone helps with prep and cleaning up

3. do a Christmas dinner, but a simplified version.

I once spent Christmas in the southern hemisphere with relatives. The wife was English. The (adult) kids hated that the mum insisted on a roast with all the trimmings every Christmas whilst every other family they knew had a BBQ, often on the beach, whilst they sat and sweated over a roast, listened to her moan about the work and the effort and the cleaning up.

It sounds like you are the only one really wanting it tbh so why do all that?. When in Rome & all that!

It makes me so sad to read this.

He knows how important Christmas dinner is to you.

I'd have no problem helping the person I love and have a family with and doing this one little thing for them once a year.

I'd have a heart to heart with him and if he still doesn't change his attitude, I'd tell him he's a selfish prick and just order pizza.

Just get pizza if you don't want to cook christmas dinner.

Cooking a big roast is a shite experience! Just sack it off mate, nobody else really wants it. Why move abroad and cling to the most boring British traditions?

Who enjoys christmas dinner, you or him?

If its you, then you're cutting your nose off to spite your face, but perhaps do dinner for one!!!

If its him, and the kids, then definitely no dinner. Pizza it is and you put your feet up making crumbs everywhere

Stick to your guns. Do something quick & easy. Doesn't have to be crappy, you can get something good quality but stick to what you can bung in the oven and have it done in 20 mins with minimal clearing up, just make sure it's something you will enjoy. Make sure there's plenty of booze. Don't let it get too complicated - 9 different things that each need 20 mins in the oven if you can only fit in 3 at a time is suddenly complicated again.

I'm with your DH. Either do it and don't moan about it, or don't do it. Christmas dinner isn't even that nice as meals go. I'm sure you could come up with something that's both easier and tastier.

I should have added, our kids love it! They are very connected to their English heritage and love a roast dinner.

Here the 25th is more like Boxing Day so they’re not missing out on something else.

Cook a simplified version and ask everyone to help- shopping for ingredients, setting table, cleaning up, etc. It's quite selfish of your DH to not care about something important to you. Hopefully the children don't start modelling him. Get them to contribute, make it fun.

2 & 3 !!

Could you buy it all from M&S and just stick it in the oven instead?

If only! We live in another country, where it is a struggle to even get parsnips

What would make you happy?

Is having pizza cutting off your nose to spite your face?

Are you expected to sort out/cook for his traditions on the 24th?

From what you’ve posted (but I love an Xmas dinner ) I would tell DH it’s up to him to shop/cook/clean on the 24th.

Then I’d handle the 25th but make it easier. I host for 10-12 each year and get ahead. So soup is a starter made weeks earlier and frozen so I just re-heat. I prep the veg the day before etc

But I’d also expect the children to help (in an age appropriate way) with both meals and cleaning up.

We have a roast and buy it all prepared. Just putting stuff in the oven is easy. Is that an option?

I really enjoy a roast so I wouldn't cook something else, I'd look for a way to make it less labour intensive.

It sounds like you live in your H’s home country. If that’s the case and you want the roast he’s being U not to share the work.

I dislike cooking the xmas roast but DH loves it and is a crap cook so I do it all and he washes and cleans up.

I skip the starters and desserts and have those at other times over the few days, makes it a little easier, and the DC don’t care.

So if the kids want it, he needs to do it. You're not doing it as per your statement.

On the 24th DH sorts out the meal.

On the 25th we generally have the starters as our lunch (soup or prawn cocktail). DH helps with that and it’s no problem.

Unfortunately there is not the option of anything pre-prepared here. Potatoes, parsnips and sprouts need peeling, chopping and boiling. Lots
of dishes are used and I clean them all.

DC are 7 and 5.

Initially I was going to say sack it off but you and the children enjoy it.
It seems there are three issues

• hard to source ingredients
• cooking
• clearing up

Prep and freeze the starter (soup?) and dessert. Adjust ingredients to what’s available, prepare in advance as much as you can, cook using disposable containers (tin foil trays, takeaway boxes) and bin bag any left overs, i.e. have a day off from being responsible and sensible.

3

I am the queen of the Christmas dinner prep and everything aside from the turkey will be prepped and in the freezer by the 1st of December.

stuffing balls made, open frozen till firm and then into a food bag
sausages wrapped in bacon in a food bag
cabbage braised and portioned into foil containers
sprouts trimmed and blanched
carrots peeled, batons and blanches
roast potatoes par boiled, open frozen and then into a big foil tray
cauli cheese or leeks in cheese sauce prepped and into foil trays
yorkshire puddings made and frozen (I do this all winter, make a tray at a time and then freeze in fours, they reheat in a few minutes)
gravy is Jamie’s get ahead gravy frozen in flat bags

I do it a bit at a time, Christmas Eve it all gets moved to the fridge and then I only have to prep the turkey on Christmas Day. Ham I cook on the 23rd as I like it sliced cold with the turkey.

Christmas Day is genuinely easy and there is no mess to clean up.

I’ve had some years where I haven’t done it and ended up doing it on Christmas Day and it’s been shit.

if you and the kids want it, do it but do it in the most low stress way possible.

You’ve got to follow through with what you said.

Entirely up to you OP, as you seem to be the one who enjoys the ‘traditional turkey roast’ the most.

Is there another lovely festive dinner you could have that would be easier to source? I don’t think I would do pizza.

We never do 3 courses for Christmas Dinner.

Save the ‘trad roast’ for if you ever visit family in the UK for Christmas?

There's no requirement for a 3 course meal with a million extras. Do a roast and follow some of the make ahead recipes online. You can do potatoes, gravy, Yorkshire's etc in advance and freeze them to drastically cut down time and effort on Christmas day.

If the kids love it then do it. Butttt….. put your feet up on the 24th, or simplify the 25th

But my dh would never leave me to cook and then clean up after any meal. And vice versa. Dh always does our Christmas dinner, so I help where I can, I always do the dessert, make the dining table nice, light candles etc, then I organise the drinks, and I help clean up afterwards. Make it clear to him and the kids that this is important to you and you expect them to pitch in, don’t be a martyr, give them specific jobs.