No Christmas dinner- should I follow through with my threat?

[Amarettoo]

I am English and live abroad with non-English DH and our 2 DC.

I should also add, that DH family were never big on Christmas and barely celebrated it. In my family it’s the highlight of the year.

Over the years we have combined our traditions (DH doesn’t have many, so we incorporate what we know from his country). So on the 24th we have a dinner (often fondue) and presents. Then on the 25th we have a UK Christmas, with presents and Christmas dinner- 3 courses with all the trimmings.

Last year I got so fed up of making a big effort, cooking a big roast with hard-to-source ingredients and clearing it all up by myself. DH said I chose to cook Christmas dinner, so can’t complain about the mess it makes. He is generally good with helping, but feels it is his right to relax at Christmas.

I kicked off and said I wouldn’t do it again.

Now Christmas is creeping up and I have a dilemma. Should I -

1. stick to my guns and not cook a Christmas dinner this year, do something completely different and easy like pizza

2. cook Christmas dinner but insist that everyone helps with prep and cleaning up

3. do a Christmas dinner, but a simplified version.

I don’t feel it’s a proper Christmas without a roast on the day - but we always have it at around 5 or 6, much less of a rush for the cook.

And I keep it fairly simple, not masses of the different vegetables and side dishes some people feel the need of, so it’s really not a big deal. I make my pigs in blankets and stuffing in advance, and freeze.

But I’m lucky in that I’m never expected to do the clearing up as well as the cooking!

If he's handling it all on the 24th it seems perfectly fair for you to do the same on the 25th.

How about Doug. Christmas dinner on the 24th and treating Christmas Day like Boxing Day, which seems to be what is wanted? And then you aren’t doing two big productions.

For reasons of Christmas politics we for a number of years went to my mothers for Boxing Day and she did a whole roast again with her presents as she wanted to “do” Christmas. And no one wanted do the whole thing again.

so maybe do the whole thing once, properly. And if he doesn’t care much about Christmas, you could make that “once” be Christmas Day. But otherwise the 24th

Potatoes and parsnips can be part roasted and frozen. Peel the sprouts and microwave, covered for a matter of minutes with half a tablespoon of water. Ditto broccoli, cauliflower and scrubbed and sliced carrots. If preferred, precook and chop carrot and swede, freeze portions in muffin trays, then reheat in the microwave. There’s no difference in taste or texture. If you like boiled potatoes, don’t peel just cut into sizes acceptable to you, half fill the bowl with water, cover and microwave. The meat, roast potatoes and parsnips can go in the oven on disposable trays. Microwave times will vary according to the number and size of portions and sizes of the veg. Begone lots of steaming pots on the hob and a sink and drainer full of reproachful dishes.

Pre prepare them yourself. Buy the ingredients, do the prepping a few days before and pop them all in the fridge, that way there’s less to do on the 25th. I wouldn’t give up the roast if you and the children enjoy it. I’d also ask for help with the clearing away, if DH can eat it he can help clear it. Are the children old enough to help tidy?

Set a precedent, buy ready meal food, paper plates etc and if he complains remind him he did fuck all last year.

Simplify it dramatically and then ask him to help. Your attachment to a big production of a feast as “celebrating Christmas” isn’t actually more important than his concept of the 25th as a day of peace and comfort, so find a middle ground. And I suspect you’ll find that if you pare back the dinner to a point that it doesn’t make you stressed and frustrated then he may be happier to engage in the process; it’s pretty normal for people to not want to repeatedly help solve what feels like a manufactured, completely avoidable problem.

@FurForksSake is my kind of cook!

Option 2&3!

Re carrot and swede - you can do the same with cauli cheese. My DH claims to cook it but he’s reheating the cakes I’ve made. Take next to no time in the microwave. Instant cooked veg.

You are my hero! This sounds great and totally do able.

I’m sure DH will make a comment about the waste (foil trays). But if he doesn’t want that, then how about he washes up 🙄

On the 24th he cuts bread into squares, opens a packet, puts it in a pan and heats it up. Guess who sets the table and clears up up (hint not DH)

Fuforkssake has it sussed, this is what I do & have occasionally also roasted the turkey on Xmas eve. It doesn't have to be stressful.
Kids at 7& 5 can be roped in for a bit of help with prep as well.

Why is it his right to relax at Christmas? What about you and your rights?

Do chicken breasts with bacon rolls beside them, and stuffing in a tray. They will be in the overn for half an hour all together and you don’t have to bother with turkey faff before and after.

@Amarettoo I have glass dishes with plastic lids so those are a waste free option if you have access to them. I think they may have come from ikea or Amazon.

you don’t have to do the prep in one go, just do a bit here and there. In the uk with easy access to the items I will do double potatoes one Sunday, double carrots another etc so that it’s practically no extra work.

There really is nothing more tedious than someone who insists on elaborate, OTT festive traditions and then moans endlessly about how much work they are.

Glad you posted as similar to me but didn’t give the details.

See my pp re: hosting for family and I just get ahead so on the day most of the work is done.

Roast veg etc all in foil containers ready to pop in the oven etc having been in the freezer.

@BreadInCaptivity life is so much easier with some prep and diligent use of the deep freeze! Great minds :)

"Christmas is creeping up"

It's still the summer 😆

OK that is NOT a fondue…….

I’d have pizza over that.

A proper fondue is the food of the goods with good swiss cheese, kitsch, white wine and a touch of garlic and nutmeg.

Served with new potatoes, slightly stale good bread, pickles and for my preference well sourced charcuterie.

Bread dipped in a packet cheese dip is just a sad, sad supper that you’d eat as a student.

To counter….

Nothing more arrogant/lazy than enjoying someone else’s efforts without thanking them while putting in zero effort yourself.

I might be in the minority here… but if you have an oven (not sure where OP is) but it isn’t that hard. Chop onion and celery, mix with bread and fat and stock for stuffing (best to do this a different day). Peel and chop potatoes/carrots/parsnips, toss in oil and season. Rub fat and seasonings on chicken (I do legs instead of a whole one) and on tofu cubes (they get stock too). Boil frozen sprouts and do a salad or another veg that is less disgusting. Packet gravy and canned cranberry sauce. Our dinner is 15-20 now after being 4 then 6 for so long. I do use foil trays but everything else is normal cookware and someone else puts it in the dishwasher.

This sounds amazing! But what does “open frozen” mean?