No Christmas dinner- should I follow through with my threat?

[Amarettoo]

I am English and live abroad with non-English DH and our 2 DC.

I should also add, that DH family were never big on Christmas and barely celebrated it. In my family it’s the highlight of the year.

Over the years we have combined our traditions (DH doesn’t have many, so we incorporate what we know from his country). So on the 24th we have a dinner (often fondue) and presents. Then on the 25th we have a UK Christmas, with presents and Christmas dinner- 3 courses with all the trimmings.

Last year I got so fed up of making a big effort, cooking a big roast with hard-to-source ingredients and clearing it all up by myself. DH said I chose to cook Christmas dinner, so can’t complain about the mess it makes. He is generally good with helping, but feels it is his right to relax at Christmas.

I kicked off and said I wouldn’t do it again.

Now Christmas is creeping up and I have a dilemma. Should I -

1. stick to my guns and not cook a Christmas dinner this year, do something completely different and easy like pizza

2. cook Christmas dinner but insist that everyone helps with prep and cleaning up

3. do a Christmas dinner, but a simplified version.

It's still August I hasten to point out.

So you don’t want to know I’m about to make my mincemeat in the next few weeks? 😆

Exactly. So get the Christmas cake ingredients on your shopping list pronto

If the children love the meal, I would keep doing it, but I would change your prep. Almost all the chopping, peeling, and measuring can be done on the 23rd at the latest. Some of it can be done even earlier. On the 25th, all you should need to do is the actual cooking like a tv chef on a morning show with everything pre-prepped. It is much less work and much less cleanup. It just takes a bit of planning.

Part of our Christmas tradition is working together, on the morning of the 24th, to prep everything for the next day’s lunch! Only when the veg prep is done can Christmas begin.

As someone who comes from another country, with a DH with a different background, who lives in the UK and whose siblings have partners from yet MORE countries .... my advice is that if hte tradition is one you love you should continue it BUT that being inflexible in exactly what it looks like is not actually helping you or, longer term, your family. We are always shifting htings a bit to accomodate different family in different years, or different countries but we can maintain the core principles and it's great.

Also, with just four of you, absolutely simplify it. Yes to foil trays and prep in advance. I also wouldn't be going for quite the full range and variety of foods - that's ridiculous. Stick to your roast with potatoes, then a max of two additional vegetables. Unless parsnips are your all time favourite vegetable, why not roast some other more local vegetable with Christmas dinner? Consider what is a local favourite dessert or whatever and if that makes more sense as dessert.

if me, DH and my various siblings-in-law as well as UK family all tried to incorporate every single element of our respective christmas's.... well, it would be MESSY.

I do think it is important for your children to continue this side of their heritage and traditions.

I hope someone can send you over some crackers - they will love them

Take the children to visit your family this Christmas. Show them how it’s done properly. I imagine if they have the influence of people that enjoy the ceremony of helping then at least you’ll have them onside next year with the work.

Tbh Christmas Dinner is just a Sunday roast but with turkey

I think my prep time for a roast dinner was timed at 12.5 minutes.
For Christmas dinner it takes a little longer but never more than 30 minutes.
I am vegetarian so don’t eat meat but do a turkey crown for those that do. Most of the prep is just peeling and chopping
I only do roast potatoes, I do broccoli carrots cauliflower and sprouts turkey crown or vegan alternative, stuffing, gravy and bread sauce
Dont do Christmas pudding so do strawberries and cream or mince pies.

I think a lot of people do a lot more stuff but it isn’t really necessary to have 3 lots of potatoes or 10 lots of different veg or making everything from scratch

Tbh Christmas Dinner is just a Sunday roast but with turkey

I think my prep time for a roast dinner was timed at 12.5 minutes.
For Christmas dinner it takes a little longer but never more than 30 minutes.
I am vegetarian so don’t eat meat but do a turkey crown for those that do. Most of the prep is just peeling and chopping
I only do roast potatoes, I do broccoli carrots cauliflower and sprouts turkey crown or vegan alternative, stuffing, gravy and bread sauce
Dont do Christmas pudding so do strawberries and cream or mince pies.

I think a lot of people do a lot more stuff but it isn’t really necessary to have 3 lots of potatoes or 10 lots of different veg or making everything from scratch

I think we live somewhere like you - we’re in France. But an all-British family, so we don’t have the same clash.

personally I’d go with the fondue on the 24th, then a simplified roast dinner on the 25th. work with what you can get, don’t kill yourself finding all those non-local ingredients - I know from experience that once you’ve tracked round five different shops looking for one bloody ingredient, then had to order it online, a lot of the fun goes out of the whole thing. So work with what you can find.

but first sit down with your husband and tell him how important this is to you. That you are perfectly happy to help with / have his traditional Christmas Eve meal, but you expect his help to have yours, and that you want to make it simple. It’s just a roast dinner 🤷‍♀️ for four - it shouldn’t be a huge palaver.

Do what you want to do, but lower your expectations on what he will do. You can't change people (not a lot anyway). If the children like it will they help?