No Christmas dinner- should I follow through with my threat?

[Amarettoo]

I am English and live abroad with non-English DH and our 2 DC.

I should also add, that DH family were never big on Christmas and barely celebrated it. In my family it’s the highlight of the year.

Over the years we have combined our traditions (DH doesn’t have many, so we incorporate what we know from his country). So on the 24th we have a dinner (often fondue) and presents. Then on the 25th we have a UK Christmas, with presents and Christmas dinner- 3 courses with all the trimmings.

Last year I got so fed up of making a big effort, cooking a big roast with hard-to-source ingredients and clearing it all up by myself. DH said I chose to cook Christmas dinner, so can’t complain about the mess it makes. He is generally good with helping, but feels it is his right to relax at Christmas.

I kicked off and said I wouldn’t do it again.

Now Christmas is creeping up and I have a dilemma. Should I -

1. stick to my guns and not cook a Christmas dinner this year, do something completely different and easy like pizza

2. cook Christmas dinner but insist that everyone helps with prep and cleaning up

3. do a Christmas dinner, but a simplified version.

You have packet cheese and bread cut into squares on Christmas Eve and call it fondue?! What. The. Fuck.

Option 3, it’s just a roast!

skip starter completely

have the centre piece meat, roast potatoes, mixed roasted veggies (sweet potatoes, parsnips, carrots for example) a green veg of choice (I like Brussels, 8 minutes in microwave) and if you want red cabbage and /or cauliflower cheese, unless there’s lots of people cheat and buy ready made!

dessert of shop bought Christmas pud and something like roulade you just thaw.

OP has a right to relax at Christmas as well. And a right to choose to cook an elaborate Christmas dinner.

What she doesn't have is a right to unilaterally choose to create a ton of work that her DH has said he doesn't think is worth it and then force him to join in with it.

If she wants him to share in the work she needs to agree to an amount of work that they both find reasonable and worthwhile.

Open frozen - unwrapped in the freezer till firm, then packed in containers?

We make the stuffing and yorkies on the 23rd . Chop all veg and potatoes and prep the joint on the 24th. On the day joint in the oven, veg and taties cooked. Reheat yorkies and stuffing

But not everyone enjoys it! Most of the time we’re just being polite ffs. This is something feeders will never understand.

There are few other hobbies / preoccupations (aside from possibly knitting) where people foist their creations on others whether they want them or not and seethe with resentment about how much work it all entailed.

I bet he manages to eat her lovely roast dinner without too much trouble!

You can’t force something on people who don’t want it and then complain when they don’t help. Why don’t you just have an easy Christmas. There is somewhere between pizza and 3 courses. Could you go out? Or have an M&S Christmas where most of it is cooked for you. Last year I didn’t do a Christmas dinner. I did a picky food at about 2pm that anyone could help themselves to. With 2 young kids this made life much easier!!

this makes me really angry. You don’t live in your country - he should be making extra efforts to make you feel good in celebrations as you’re missing out in absolutely everything. I live in the uk but I’m European - my British husband is very aware of how sad it is for me to live unrooted and goes the extra mile to make up for it. Yours has everything else, you should have bloody Christmas!

Sorry for the stupid question but what’s the advantage of doing it this way? Rather than just portioning it up first and then freezing it in the containers. Why does it need to be “open”?

Similar situation. I now do the proper Christmas dinner roast and trimmings, including crackers on Christmas Eve, and on Christmas Day have leftovers and easy stuff. Presents are opened on Christmas Day.

It's a compromise that suits everyone. Some years I have felt like having something special on Christmas Day and those years I have cooked ahead and frozen eg coq au vin, venison casserole etc.

As for the roast - there are loads of things you can do to make it easier - you can make and freeze gravy, pre prep veg (I have a specific veg side dish I like that uses spring veg so I parboil and freeze in May...

But he's made it clear he would be just as happy with something far more simple.

It is ridiculous to demand that he sit there with crossed arms and a sour face refusing to eat dinner with his family in order to accept that spending time on Christmas day cooking and cleaning something elaborate isn't worth it to him.

An M&S Christmas is unlikely to be possible abroad; ditto eating out.

Oh just have pizza..... it tastes so much better than Christmas dinner, for a start!

@FailingtoJuggle the advantage of 'open freezing' is that things don't stick together - so you freeze your meatballs, say, on an open tray, then once they are frozen, transfer them to a lidded container.

We use Gerber fondue on Christmas Eve,
it’s not a total abomination and I’m happy to eat it 😂

But definitely doesn’t compare to making a roast.

it’s more the clearing up than the cooking that is bothering me. I’ll try tin trays this year and get the kids on board too

We have the same set up, living in Europe.

The 24th we eat traditional local food.
The 25th is a roast.

However I have really simplified the roast down, not bothering with ingredients I can't find easily locally (except for stuffing, i bring that over!).

And crucially, DH knows that my traditions are important to me (including things like stockings) so follows my lead and mucks in.

I do sometimes wish I could eat more traditional British food at Christmas but it's too hard to organise.

Apologies, I was distracted by gardeners world. Yes, open freezing simply means freezing on a tray, once things are firm enough to not stick to each other or completely frozen you move to a bag or box. It stops things sticking and so when you defrost or cook from frozen they cook much easier and more evenly. It also means you can get out one or two of something rather than having to defrost everything. So you could make 40 stuffing balls and then just get a few out each week.

I would do a simplified version, meat, roasties, cabbage, pigs in blankets, peas and gravy or whatever you can get where you are.

DH then isn't allowed any of it. He can have left over fondu instead.

If he helps you clean up this year he can be included next year...

Option3.

Most stuff on a full Xmas dinner was very difficult to source for us.
Roast chicken, yorkshires, potatoes, green veg, carrots were OK. No possibility of pigs in blankets 😥.
Mince pies if I managed to find some mincemeat (usually 6 months out of date!).

So basically, as close as I could get without breaking too much of a sweat of the bank account.

It will only be small stuff right now, but get the kids to start helping.

It's important to reflect both of your heritages - especially the one that isn't the local norm.

Unless you do the suggestion of preparing a while in advance and putting in the freezer, if you do the same as last year, what you said will be seen as an idle threat and you run the risk of being walked over in future.

it’s really shit of him not to clean and wash up the roast. Nasty.

I think that if the dc love it and it’s important to them and to you then go for number 2. Insist that he helps in some way!

The other option is a selection of snacky bits.

saefood, smoked salmon, posh nuts, nice olives, good cheeseboard etc etc on the 25th. A lot less prep and clearing up but probably nicer than a pizza!

You are the queen of Christmas!!!