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Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

Neorodiverse & disorganised mums Christmas solidarity thread!

174 replies

AnyoneGotATimeMachine · 19/12/2024 19:11

Roll up! Frazzled, disorganised people welcome over here!

Every bloody year I promise myself I'll get it done earlier.

But, I still have a mountain of tidying to do before I can even think about decorating or wrapping. The poor tree has been sitting in the garden for 2 days.

Not one room is usable yet.

Hoping to make last posting day tomorrow but that depends on me remembering where I stashed the presents!

But it'll all be alright on the night, won't it?! 5 days is plenty of time to sort out a crazy untidy house finish all my shipping, cards and posting and decorating, right, right?

I'm just hoping the last-minute ADHD panic superpower kicks in soon!

How are you all doing out there? Despite your best intentions, has Christmas snuck up on you again?

OP posts:
allfurcoatnoknickers · 20/12/2024 18:57

My People!! To add to the chaos here, I just started a new job on the 9th, so that's currently where my ADHD hyper focus is pointed. Also DH is Jewish, so while he's excellent at keeping the house running, Christmas is not his forte.

Managed to get the tree up and decorated, but the rest of the decorations have been a non-starter and a forgot where I hid half the presents. Obviously not one single Christmas card has been sent.

caringcarer · 20/12/2024 19:27

It sounds like you've got an organised DH, same as me. 😁

InaChristmastizz · 20/12/2024 19:59

Thank god I found you. 😘

I'm undiagnosed and in late 50's but with diagnosed ASD teen DS and I found reading through all the paperwork and completing the questionnaires very enlightening.

Just wish my mum was alive as she couldn't understand why I was so different to her and my older sister who are super organised and extremely tidy.

I love modern technology (my iPhone is my saviour), as it's really helped me to manage better in later life. Calendar and Notes apps run my life.

Also, very thankful for DH who is the house elf/tidy fairy. Sadly, I do know I drive him demented at times.

DH is also Mr Christmas, and does all the decorating (always completely OTT) in every room. Numerous trees etc. However, I still try to do my bit by cleaning and tidying. Unfortunately, I'm very slow at both tasks as I manage to find lots of other more compelling tasks to do in the meantime. He's putting up lights everywhere and I'm very slowly shifting stuff and hoovering around.

I've sent a few Christmas cards this year but as usual missed out lots of people. Thankfully, DH is v good at buying the perfect gift for others so he does about 70% of the gift buying in this house. One year I lied to my family (older siblings) and said the presents must have got lost in the post as I never actually posted them. 🤫☹️

Teen DS isn't tidy either but will generally follow instructions if they're clear and concise. His bedroom is untidy but not a shit tip like mine.

Does anyone else find they buy duplicates of stuff because either they've lost the originals or simply forgotten they'd bought them? I do this all the time. Last week I duplicated 2 sets of winter PJ's for myself that I'd already bought last month but completely forgotten I'd already bought them. 😳

allfurcoatnoknickers · 20/12/2024 20:06

@caringcarer very much so! DH is an ace organizer and planner. Christmas magic is all on me, although he did take DS (5) to buy the tree and then they set it up together.

I'm just soo overwhelmed with my big new job, that I don't even know where to start when I get home!

AnyoneGotATimeMachine · 20/12/2024 22:51

The tree is still outside. Making progress but slowly.

DP has a bad back and is out of action tonight.

DC have been helping but it's quite stressful.

Am feeling guilty that the run up to Christmas is just me tidying the house for days instead of us doing fun things.

(Please no one say forget the tidying, the rooms aren't actually useable at the moment. The house is still worse than when I started!)

OP posts:
Adatewithmyself · 21/12/2024 08:20

@AnyoneGotATimeMachine that’s EXACTLY how I feel. I just want to sit and watch a Christmas movie with DC and finally do something festive.

hypet focus cleaning paid off last night until midnight. Freezer drawers cleaned but I also washed a rug 😆and it’s too heavy and wet to dry…

Serene135 · 21/12/2024 08:40

AnyoneGotATimeMachine · 20/12/2024 22:51

The tree is still outside. Making progress but slowly.

DP has a bad back and is out of action tonight.

DC have been helping but it's quite stressful.

Am feeling guilty that the run up to Christmas is just me tidying the house for days instead of us doing fun things.

(Please no one say forget the tidying, the rooms aren't actually useable at the moment. The house is still worse than when I started!)

Do you mind me asking what you mean by the rooms aren’t usable so you need to clean the house for days? Surely a quick clean would suffice if the house is cleaned all year round?

ItReallyDoesntMatterAnymore · 21/12/2024 08:49

Oh, I have found my people! ASD here, although likely ADHD too, DD also autistic and H likely ADHD. My autistic side, which craves order and routine, takes president in late November, meaning that by the 1st of December, the tree is up, the house is decorated, and most of the presents are bought.

That is it, though. The novelty is gone, and I can't bring myself to do the rest. No cards have been sent here, but thanks to the Hyperfixation Pixie (love that!), all of the gifts were wrapped yesterday and placed into bags, etc.

Haven't bought any actual food for Christmas Day but we have a treat table laden with chocolate and snacks 😋 H bought a lovely looking rib of beef a few weeks back which is in the freezer so we could have that for Christmas lunch, although DD says she wants chicken... we celebrate Swedish Christmas on the 24th too, and I've actually got everything for that, at least.

It's only the 3 of us here for Christmas so we'll just do as we please but H does like a full on Christmas lunch, which he will happily cook, as long as we manage to get the food in... will head to shops over the weekend to get vegetables and brandy butter.

Cards, though, still sitting in box, haven't even bought stamps 😅

Until yesterday we had a 'decorative' black bag, full of clothes meant for the charity shop, taking centre place in the living room. It had been left there by H a few weeks ago, following a sudden urge to declutter, along with random boxes of 'stuff' and a collection of shoes that couldn't fit in the black bin bag. So our living room has been an exlectic a mix of a beautifully decorated tree, sideboards all swt out with candles and gonks etc sharing space with loads of clutter, random bits (tools, gardening bits, discarded amazon boxes) just left in various corners, on the floor and beneath every piece of furniture. Housebarrassment at it's worst. Luckily no guests this December!

parrotonmyshoulder · 21/12/2024 09:22

Serene135 · 21/12/2024 08:40

Do you mind me asking what you mean by the rooms aren’t usable so you need to clean the house for days? Surely a quick clean would suffice if the house is cleaned all year round?

Are you on the right thread? Not sure you quite get the point of what we’re talking about here.

IncessantNameChanger · 21/12/2024 09:35

Hiddle1976 · 20/12/2024 16:43

My son has just just dropped out of uni too. I managed to get a turkey in the freezer by throwing out some frozen bananas and spinich that have been there since covid. Let's face it the banana bread wasn't really happening 🙄. But every year I perform some Christmas miracle.

Sorry to hear that about your son. What year was he in? Mine was a foundation year. He is super bright but also undiagnosed and to be honest even with straight A's he isn't a great student. He didn't make it through one full academic week. He is super bright but was a school refuser since year 8. When I took him for his ASD assessment he was really angry with me, borderline ( as he knew how to answer like a NT person). Now he wants a diagnosis

I guess I can also throw out some food I'm never going to eat too. I have one piece of fish alone in box i keep on looking at think 'who is going to eat one piece?' No one, thats who. There must more like that in there

AnyoneGotATimeMachine · 21/12/2024 12:16

IncessantNameChanger · 21/12/2024 09:35

Sorry to hear that about your son. What year was he in? Mine was a foundation year. He is super bright but also undiagnosed and to be honest even with straight A's he isn't a great student. He didn't make it through one full academic week. He is super bright but was a school refuser since year 8. When I took him for his ASD assessment he was really angry with me, borderline ( as he knew how to answer like a NT person). Now he wants a diagnosis

I guess I can also throw out some food I'm never going to eat too. I have one piece of fish alone in box i keep on looking at think 'who is going to eat one piece?' No one, thats who. There must more like that in there

I dropped out of university first time round. I did go back eventually - but not until my 30s. (Got a first, then).

I wasn't diagnosed with ADHD until my 40s, however.

I like to think if I'd been diagnosed earlier and had better advice, I'd have ended up with a career I enjoyed.

I'm very aware of this with my DC. My eldest is getting great results, but like me, he's not great at organisation.

The main problem with me wasn't that I left uni, I don't think, but that once I left I drifted, I had no clear plan of what to do otherwise.

These days there are lots of alternative routes. With my DC, if they end up struggling like I did and ultimately university isn't for them, I hope I can help them find alternatives instead of them just being adrift as I was.

I hope your DS finds something that grabs his interest.

And yes, bin that fish! 😁

OP posts:
AnyoneGotATimeMachine · 21/12/2024 12:17

parrotonmyshoulder · 21/12/2024 09:22

Are you on the right thread? Not sure you quite get the point of what we’re talking about here.

Thanks xx

OP posts:
AnyoneGotATimeMachine · 21/12/2024 12:22

Serene135 · 21/12/2024 08:40

Do you mind me asking what you mean by the rooms aren’t usable so you need to clean the house for days? Surely a quick clean would suffice if the house is cleaned all year round?

Not really sure what to say to this!

No, a quick clean will not suffice!

I saw this comment earlier and I was going to post a long explanation, with links, as to why keeping on top of housework is tough with ADHD but then I caught myself in time: this is a perfect procrastination rabbit hole that I could fall down instead of doing the things I increasingly urgently need to do!

So please, please don't make me explain it! Not till after Christmas, anyway, I have tidying to do...

If you're really curious, I suggest you Google "ADHD" and "messy house" or "ADHD" and "executive dysfunction".

OP posts:
AnyoneGotATimeMachine · 21/12/2024 12:26

Also, on university, I don't know if this is still the case, but certainly for many years, it was better if you left in the first year, if you were going to leave at all, as you'd still be eligible for funding for a 3 year degree.

If you'd gone into.swcimd year then that would make future funding more tricky.

So, at least the DC who left early should hopefully still have that door open to them for the future if they decide to go back.

OP posts:
ThatAgileLimeCat · 21/12/2024 12:32

I now take a few days off work before Christmas and if I have to work between Christmas and New year instead so be it. I always end up working long hours in December and then having a complete meltdown when I realise how much I have to do. Now I still have the long hours, but finish earlier and it's less stressful. I still have a meltdown but it's smaller and I can schedule it . It almost counts as self care now 🤣

UpToonGirl · 21/12/2024 15:32

@AnyoneGotATimeMachineI know about the guilt feeling.

I think one of the problems with Xmas time is there isn't one definitive deadline. Decorations can go up anytime in December, tidying is ongoing, gifts you generally have all the way up until Xmas morning.

Marshtit · 21/12/2024 16:03

i have the turkey, what a result
i have food for christmas but unsure about the days leading up to it!
i still have a list and need to go back,
i have a recipe for vegetarian guests so i can made nut roast.
i survived three supermarkets in my quest.

AnyoneGotATimeMachine · 21/12/2024 18:19

Marshtit · 21/12/2024 16:03

i have the turkey, what a result
i have food for christmas but unsure about the days leading up to it!
i still have a list and need to go back,
i have a recipe for vegetarian guests so i can made nut roast.
i survived three supermarkets in my quest.

Well done!!!

You sound like you're mostly there.

I'm veggie and I love a nut roast 🥰

3 supermarkets? Kudos!!

I've not been out all day, are people getting Christmas crazy out there yet, or has the panic buying not started just yet?

I have to go into town on Monday - or one of us does at least. I think I'll be stuck tidying till Christmas eve at this rate!

OP posts:
AnyoneGotATimeMachine · 21/12/2024 18:23

So, despite not getting going properly until about 12pm, I've had a productive day and have made loads of progress. Not at the top of the mountain yet, but there's definitely a better view up here!

Only thing is, I've filled our recycling and our black bin to the top, and there isn't another collection before Christmas.

Not sure what I'm going to do about thar as there's plenty more to go out.

If our car was on the road we'd do a tip run, but we don't have a working car just now.

OP posts:
Tisfortired · 21/12/2024 18:31

Relatively successful day today, seen my sisters and nieces for a mini Christmas as they are both separated from nieces dads and we won’t see them over Christmas.

Also managed 2 tip runs, to sort and tidy the utility room, clean the bathroom and finished my Tesco shop which is being delivered tomorrow. I think when DS2 is
in bed I am going to tackle my bedroom and put my Christmas duvet on. Also had 3 parcels arrive 2 of which were for DH so he’ll have something to open at least 😂

Tomorrow will be for nipping out if anything is missing from my food delivery and make a start on wrapping.

It’s such a chore isn’t it?

AnyoneGotATimeMachine · 21/12/2024 20:13

Tisfortired · 21/12/2024 18:31

Relatively successful day today, seen my sisters and nieces for a mini Christmas as they are both separated from nieces dads and we won’t see them over Christmas.

Also managed 2 tip runs, to sort and tidy the utility room, clean the bathroom and finished my Tesco shop which is being delivered tomorrow. I think when DS2 is
in bed I am going to tackle my bedroom and put my Christmas duvet on. Also had 3 parcels arrive 2 of which were for DH so he’ll have something to open at least 😂

Tomorrow will be for nipping out if anything is missing from my food delivery and make a start on wrapping.

It’s such a chore isn’t it?

It’s such a chore isn’t it?

It really is.

And the ironic / tragic thing is, I love all that Christmas stuff.

I'd love to be baking with, or even just for, the DC, making crafty decorations, wrapping presents elegantly with beautiful ribbons etc.

But I never get to do any of that stuff as I always run out of time doing the basics. Just endless tidying, sorting, buying and then panic wrapping on Christmas Eve!

If I get to bed before 1am on Christmas eve, that'll be a win!

OP posts:
AnyoneGotATimeMachine · 21/12/2024 20:14

Tisfortired · 21/12/2024 18:31

Relatively successful day today, seen my sisters and nieces for a mini Christmas as they are both separated from nieces dads and we won’t see them over Christmas.

Also managed 2 tip runs, to sort and tidy the utility room, clean the bathroom and finished my Tesco shop which is being delivered tomorrow. I think when DS2 is
in bed I am going to tackle my bedroom and put my Christmas duvet on. Also had 3 parcels arrive 2 of which were for DH so he’ll have something to open at least 😂

Tomorrow will be for nipping out if anything is missing from my food delivery and make a start on wrapping.

It’s such a chore isn’t it?

Sounds like you've had an amazingly productive day, nicely done!

OP posts:
InaChristmastizz · 21/12/2024 20:20

Still no idea what we’re eating on Christmas Day. 😳🤔

I’d happily eat a full roast Christmas dinner if someone else cooked it, but my two wouldn’t touch it. 😂

I don’t really enjoy cooking but it falls to me as DH can only do sandwiches or salad. I’ve got plenty of basic food in the freezer and cupboards full of tins so we won’t starve but menu planning is beyond my pay grade and DH and DS are very fussy eaters so I’ll wing it on the day as usual.

So same old same old… Thank goodness we never host anyone. 😂

p.s. don’t suggest M&S ready meals or delivery foods as we live rurally miles from anywhere, so no supermarket deliveries or takeaway options at all.

Tinselskirt · 21/12/2024 20:28

Ive found my people! Been to two different supermarkets today, i have most of the presents but i need to get them all out and do my inventory (love it!) but i can't until the kids go to bed.

Any other adhders out there struggle with their kids believing in Santa? I can't remember what I've said to them about Santa year after year and struggle to remember what our traditions are. I am actually looking forward to them not believing anymore - but also dreading it as i think they're autistic/adhd themselves and they really do take everything literally so when they eventually work it out i think they're going to be gutted that we've lied to them. Sometimes wish we'd never started it but we did because it's expected of you as a parent.

I'm looking forward to sitting down and having another piece of yule log this evening while i wait for the kids to go to sleep.

My method of coping with xmas is to try and make sure everything is just right for my kids first and foremost and with any leftover energy i buy for my dh, parents and siblings, but everyone else sadly gets nothing - don't do presents or cards for friends, school, neighbours etc because my brain will get overloaded. Don't do meet ups or secret santa or anything like that. Dh sorts out his side of the family.