Let’s talk about having a quieter Christmas!

[chickennoodless]

Morning lovely mumsnetters!

I’ve had a particularly stressful year - started a complete house renovation, upped my hours in work, DP is now working a lower paid job, I’m caring for an elderly relative twice a week and we brought home a very sick rescue kitten 3 weeks ago.
safe to say I’m exhausted stressed and have less money than last year!

Christmas for us usually is…

one trip away either London, Europe or Devon/Cornwall. All decs up December 1st, Several Christmas shows concerts lightwalks etc, adults Christmas parties, homemade gifts, I also make 6 Christmas cakes for us and family.

Christmas dinner is 5 courses, 3 meats and all the trimmings. I then make a special lobster meal for Christmas Eve. I make special trips to different butchers delis etc for the above. I cook all this In between visiting family on those days.

I then organise the school Xmas fayre and help with the Christmas show. I can’t pull out of either of these due to guilt!

We usually attend most of the local church fayres and grottos.

I desperately need to cut back on what we’re doing this year!

if you are the master of a quieter Christmas please help me!

You have I suspect suffered from mission creep.

Tell family you aren't making them Christmas cakes this year.

You don't need several Christmas shows, lightwalks etc - 1 or 2 is plenty, less is more.

Why did you need lobster on Christmas eve?

Why 5 courses for Christmas lunch?

Work out what actually you value most. Do that. If others in your household value other things then they organise them.

Be more circumspect accepting invitations.

I'm exhausted reading it.

How old are the kids?

What would you most love to drop?

That sounds exhausting! And for me, would tip over into performative. But obviously I am not you!

So, my question to you would be which of those things feel like they genuinely fill your tank? And which ones would be the easiest to drop or scale back?

What are your 5 courses for Christmas dinner? 4 are necessary but what’s the fifth.?

I would pick your top three from that lot as that sounds like very hard work

What's important to you?

Wow! I could not cope.
I don’t do anything in December other than the essentials, school plays, one Christmas event, when people suggest we ‘ must ‘ meet before Christmas I always push back to January when it’s cold, dark and depressing!
Christmas eve we have a curry and I usually prepare some veg, the kids and I then go for a walk to collect holly and ivy to decorate with. Christmas Day, salmon and champagne for breakfast, we have a huge roast that my husband prepares, wash up, sleep, a walk, watch some tv.
We sometimes see family Boxing Day, sometimes not. This year not as I’m at work the next day.
I used to find Christmas stressful when mine were little and I do all this so we can relax and spend a bit of time together.

2 are necessary, main and dessert.
We never have a starter on Christmas day.

Yes, this is the way to approach it.

I’m working over Xmas this year for the first time so I’m doing loads less. Also money is tighter than I thought it would be. In addition to all the things the dc do anyway through school and hobbies (which is loads) we’re doing a panto and a Santa trip. We might do a light walk with friends and we will go to the cinema at some point. Our calendar is full.

I buy frozen Xmas dinner from cook and it is really good. I don’t make Xmas cake or anything as no one really likes more than a tiny slice so I buy some tiny slices from m and s. Xmas eve we eat out or get ready made stuff from m and s. Presents are for most people nice smellies, wine or choc and money for dc. I buy what’s on offer so one year everyone might get champagne or hotel choc chocs or neom bath stuff or whatever. Nice presents that don’t require much effort and shopping around.

Really you need to understand yourself and why you feel you need to do all these things for others. You are a valuable human being in your own right and you don’t have to run yourself ragged doing loads for other people to a perfectionist standard to prove your worth or that you are a good person 😊

Shorten the "Christmas" period to a week from Christmas Day. Put your decorations up then. Stop the cakes Do either a weekend trip or one local trip. Drop the lobster. Buy local presents not handmade.

Which bits are really fun? And what would you willingly drop?

It sounds exhausting.

It’s Christmas, not Christmust.

Think about the bits that are really special to you. Do those, ditch the rest.
When I was 45 I had emergency surgery on the 6th December with a 6 week recuperation period. Life changing. Realised that actually about 90 % of Christmas stuff was just a burden.
Presents, Turkey,Tinsel is what I have done since. Anyone welcome to come for presents, turkey and tinsel. Rest of it I haven't done for 13 years!

Wow. Just wow. My family were the opposite end of this spectrum. When I was growing up my two best Xmas memories were going with my dad to choose a tree from his mates Xmas tree farm shop and having KFC on Xmas eve.
I wonder if you could just follow your instincts and prune events and meals and commitments this year.
I too am intrigued by your lobster Xmas meal, it's what they have for Xmas on the fictional island of Saint Marie, when they aren't arresting murderers who do rather swarm on that island.

You must be exhausted. I would just do a single trip and a single fayre and/or grotto. Reduce the complexity of your Christmas meal. Get some premade fingerfoods in for Christmas Eve. Use paper plates and napkins on Christmas Eve.

Well, if it were me then I'd prioritise:

• All decs up December 1st (or whenever works best inbetween other priorities)
• Limit to 1 Christmas show/concerts/lightwalk
• 0 Christmas parties
• 0 homemade gifts - don't make your life harder for no reason
• No Christmas cakes for family - let them know now not to expect one, or if you really must give one then consider buying in for this year. F&M do lovely ones
• Maximum 3 courses for Christmas dinner, or even 2 if you really want to cut down
• Consider takeaway and/or nice (ready made) party food for Christmas Eve
• Reduce and/or combine family visits where possible
• Send a donation to the local church but don't plan to attend the fayres/grottos out of any sense of obligation, only if you happen to be at a loose end and actually want to go.

I’m struggling to think of what would even go into a 5 course meal on Christmas Day.

I can only come up with 2 - turkey and Christmas pudding or another type of dessert.

What am I missing out on? What are your 4 essentials, please?

1 starter - usually homemade pate or terrine
2 fish - just a small piece nicely cooked fish with herbs
3 mains - choice of 3 meats and the trimmings
4 cheese course
5 desert

🙄 I love cooking…..

Sounds like you've been your own worst enemy tbh. Just choose a few of the things that you really enjoy and don't feel it all has to be about putting on a performance and doing everything.

Choice of three meats is silly, unless you really, really want lots of leftovers.

This is sensible! Thank you!

I make the Christmas cakes for elderly grandparents and great aunts. All love homemade cake but all have health issues/arthritis in hands 😔

I guess I could buy in the cakes and just decorate at home! 👍🏻

Kids love turkey, DP loves pork and DF and DM love traditional goose!

I’d rather cut down on the starters/ fish than the meats!

Delegate Christmas Fayre? You still organise but instead of doing everything you strong arm playground volunteers. So write the list of everything you do then put someone else's name next to everything!!!

🤣🤣🤣 love a KFC family bucket!

DP is from immigrant family - the lobster is done in the traditional way with mangoes!

You start a thread about wanting a quieter Christmas because of stress, but it doesn’t seem like you want to change anything. Pointless.

Traditionally, a roast is/was considered as a large enough meal on its own so, traditionally, you wouldn’t serve starters before a roast, particularly turkey with all the trimmings.

How much do you love cooking versus how much quieter would you like Christmas to be?