Let’s talk about having a quieter Christmas!

[chickennoodless]

Morning lovely mumsnetters!

I’ve had a particularly stressful year - started a complete house renovation, upped my hours in work, DP is now working a lower paid job, I’m caring for an elderly relative twice a week and we brought home a very sick rescue kitten 3 weeks ago.
safe to say I’m exhausted stressed and have less money than last year!

Christmas for us usually is…

one trip away either London, Europe or Devon/Cornwall. All decs up December 1st, Several Christmas shows concerts lightwalks etc, adults Christmas parties, homemade gifts, I also make 6 Christmas cakes for us and family.

Christmas dinner is 5 courses, 3 meats and all the trimmings. I then make a special lobster meal for Christmas Eve. I make special trips to different butchers delis etc for the above. I cook all this In between visiting family on those days.

I then organise the school Xmas fayre and help with the Christmas show. I can’t pull out of either of these due to guilt!

We usually attend most of the local church fayres and grottos.

I desperately need to cut back on what we’re doing this year!

if you are the master of a quieter Christmas please help me!

Kids love turkey, DP loves pork and DF and DM love traditional goose!

So? It doesn’t mean they all have to have it on the same day.

Exactly. We’re vegetarians, so family who come to us for Christmas eat vegetarian food, and often have their own more traditional food the next day at home.You’re not a restaurant!

I think we are the masters of a quiet Christmas.

We have a mini Christmas tree that sits on a bookshelf in the living room and is quick to put up and take down.

We buy some nice food but nothing too extravagant, things like different cheeses, olives, crackers, nuts, dates, cookies, Christmas cake and mince pies. The non refrigerated items are left out on the kitchen table over the Xmas period for people to help themselves.

Other than that, Christmas dinner is usually mid afternoon, a turkey crown, some sausages, roast potatoes, steamed brussels sprouts, carrots and brocolli, shop bought fresh gravy and cranberry sauce.

A bottle of prosecco will be enough alcohol on Xmas day for DH, DS1(now at uni) and I. We don't drink that regularly.

Christmas pudding or ice cream or cake from the selection we bought, usually later as we are full after the main meal.

Everyone gets chocolate in their stockings and can eat it when they like, we all like different types of chocolate so it works better than buying a big box.

Boxing day main meal is Xmas lunch leftovers with bread and salad.

In the evenings, we get out the board games, watch some TV, or chat.

Visits to friends/relatives happen around Xmas, but not Christmas day, we organise times to see people but don't cater for each other, apart from tea and biscuits or cake. I like to meet friends for a walk in the countryside and a coffee, healthier and cheaper than going for a meal.

Presents are simple. DS20 and 17 usually get some money if they can't think of anything they want. DH and I buy each other something we actually want, often clothes. But we don't spend a fortune. We don't buy presents for siblings or nieces/nephews, this has been agreed between us all and they do the same.

For us it's all about relaxing, having time off work/study and spending some quality time together.

I understand about the school things - I used to do those and you can’t drop out of that.

Decorations up mid December.

I cook one meal - Christmas dinner - chicken, pigs in blankets, veg. No pudding as the house is awash with chocolate. All the other meals around Christmas are just normal.

None of my family bother with Christmas cake.

Kids are older now so no light shows etc.

I don’t like going out in the evening so no Christmas parties. I only go to the work party alternate years.

It’s hard for others to advise though, because our circumstances are all different. My family is very small, so I’ve never had to visit other people around Christmas, except as a kid with the standard “divorced parents double Christmas”.

Agree

I'd not have any guilt over ditching those school events either! They would be the first to go

Along with half the food.

This is the stuff of nightmares to me OP!!

Our Christmas is like this

Christmas Eve: dinner out at a nice restaurant with family
Christmas Day: stay at home with 4 year old son. We have our favourite snacks all day, open presents, go out for a walk and feed the ducks at the pond. We get an Indian takeaway for dinner
Boxing Day: see more friends and family

Through December we do a couple of Christmassy things like go on a lighted woodland walk, see a show, go to a Christmas fair, meet Santa. That sort of thing but we only do two or three at most.

I adore Christmas but yours sounds overwhelming to me and I just couldn't do it.

4 are necessary???? Are you insane? We have 1. Nobody has room for anything else for a few hours afterwards

I really wish I had a tiny percentage of your energy and cooking ability. I find most of Xmas a chore and I don't do near the amount you do. The best thing about Xmas for me is the panto with the family and Xmas lights.The rest is just loads of extra work for me exchanging generally pointless gifts and getting one in return. I plan on giving more to charity and looking at Xmas from that perspective. Cutting back and giving more to people that actually need it. I know I sound like the Grinch.

Do it then for goidness' sake!

one trip away either London, Europe or Devon/Cornwall.
Cut this. Go in Feb or March, when life is dreary and boring.

All decs up December 1st
It makes no difference when they go up. In fact putting them up early is a job you don't have to do later in the month. But cut down the amount of decoration, go a bit more minimalist.

Several Christmas shows concerts lightwalks etc
Only go to the ones your really fancy - it should be relaxing, not a chore

adults Christmas parties
Only go to the ones your really fancy - it should be relaxing, not a chore

homemade gifts
Stop this. Cut the list down too - cards only for most people, not gifts. Most people buy what they want for themselves, so unless you are an absolute genius at picking gifts, most gifts sit in a cupboard or drawer before eventually going to a charity shop.

I also make 6 Christmas cakes for us and family.
You said you like cooking. Besides, these should be done in October or November, so they don't add to the workload in December

I then make a special lobster meal for Christmas Eve
You said you like cooking. Get DH to help as this one is for him.

I make special trips to different butchers delis etc for the above
Simplify the menu - supermarket food only, or online ordering

I cook all this In between visiting family on those days.
You said you like cooking. Don't cut out family visits.

I then organise the school Xmas fayre and help with the Christmas show. I can’t pull out of either of these due to guilt!
That is between you and your conscience. Personally, I would not get involved in all that. But it is lovely that some people do, otherwise they wouldn't happen.

We usually attend most of the local church fayres and grottos.
Only go to the ones your really fancy - it should be relaxing, not a chore

1 starter - usually homemade pate or terrine
Get shop-bought pate or shop-bought soup

2 fish - just a small piece nicely cooked fish with herbs
Cut this course entirely. Have fish on boxing day if you must

3 mains - choice of 3 meats and the trimmings
Meats are not a problem (I say this as a vegetarian). Maybe cut down on the number of different vegetables, and get shop-bought sauces, gravy etc.

4 cheese course
Cut this, or serve at the same time as dessert, or serve in the evening

5 desert
Shop-bought.

Your Christmas sounds bloody exhausting, to say nothing of performative. I've had Christmas dinner out at swanky country house hotels and they don't serve the sort of menu you're providing. How the hell does your family eat all that food in one sitting! Usually people are floored by just the Christmas roast alone. Do a cold starter like smoked salmon or prawn cocktail, then a two meat roast if you must, a pudding and then cheese and biscuits later. That's all pretty standard in most homes. Going to see every single light show, trail, Santa and grotto you can possibly find is ridiculous too. What on earth is that teaching your kids? That they have to be entertained every second of every day?

Some good suggestions on cutting the cooking down!

can anyone recommend nice shop bought cranberry sauce/ gravy!? Would save time lots of time and pans if I didn’t have to make these!

anyone recommend any of the M&S desserts ?

also have I left it too late for online delivery! 🤞🏻

We have cut down this year because we are getting older, no more 'Dickensian' feasts with 11 of us. Family will come to us in different groups. 3 or4 at a time. DP said we need "a day off" between visits.

Since lockdown Christmas we’ve mastered the quiet one and absolutely love it, kids here are 8 and 4 now,

decorations go up the first weekend in December.
we do 1 local light switch on and go to see 1 Santa - usually a farm day trip out.

We each have our work Xmas parties, and an evening out with friends during December but that’s all.

Christmas Eve is local pub lunch, walk home just as it’s getting dark.

we don’t leave the house Christmas Day other than for a short walk. Anyone is welcome to come to us but the not driving around to everyone has become life changing!

its not masses amounts of food for 6 people!

for example the terrines I make are small portions, the fish is usually small and the desert is usually a small chocolate ganache with a few candied nuts!

It didn’t start off as a long meal! I love cooking so each year I’ve added something else I’ve been practising…..now it’s got to the point where it would be insane to add anything else! 🙄

thank you to the posters who suggested takeaway and paper plates Xmas eve! I am doing this!

the lobster meal can happen between Xmas and new year!

Cancel most of it, order a complete Christmas dinner and trimmings from Cook (delicious and easy). Get takeaway delivered on Christmas Eve. Close the curtains, light some candles, relax on the sofa with a good book/film. Have a wonderful time!

Lovely way to look at Christmas! You don’t sound like a grinch at all!

Sounds exhausting. Just do what makes you happy.

Make new traditions. E.g. I asked my kids what they would like for chirstmas morning breakfast, they said sugary cereal. Because we are strict the rest of the year (protein or oats) they love choosing a box of crap and having it on Christmas morning.
My cousin does posh cheese toasties on Christmas eve, again she asked and they all love toasties, now they plan posh ones in advance and buy own toppings eg pineapple, sweet chilli jam and beef.

What makes you happy? What traditions do your children remember when you ask them afterwards? Use this as your starting point then cut back.

Xmas day you don't need 5 courses unless u love cooking, for example

I'm exhausted reading your list! For me Christmas is

• tree decorating one evening early dec
• presents for parents, wife, DC, signing, niece and nephews only
• school concert X 2 (DC plus my school - I'm a teacher)
• staff Xmas drinks / meal
• one evening looking at lights
• maybe drinks with neighbours Xmas eve
• Xmas eve might get a pedicure.
• Christmas afternoon meal and fun with family. Everyone brings a dish to share. We have a swim (in hot climate).
• read some books, walk, swim and watch movies whilst all off work/school.

Love this! I could def get away with giving the kids shop bought pancakes for brekkie over Christmas!
you now have me imagining how to get pigs in blanket inside a toastie! Quicker than the lobster!

I am loving the fact that this year, my DD is too cool for Christmas shows etc and just wants her mates to come round

I have told families with kids that l usually buy for that l am only doing selection boxes this year, and others that l won't be buying for their kids at all, nor do l want them to buy for my dd as she gets lenty as it is.

Got less people coming for lunch this year.

Giving money to charity and just buying mum a token gift for £10 (her idea). DH and l bought tickets for a festival next year so again, just a token gift.

Feels like l might actually get some chill time this year!

Good grief that sounds exhausting! Do you have any time to enjoy any of the festive period OP?

I love Christmas but I purposely keep it low key as I easily get overwhelmed and struggle with feeling responsible for everybody else’s festive cheer. A typical Christmas period for us;

2 ‘booked’ Christmas trips (always a pantomime and this year the Polar Express) we might go to the Christmas markets or the cinema at some point but not always. Usually a couple of NT trips as we’re members and they are always lovely and festive.

Christmas Eve at home, we potter about watching Christmas films whilst peeling veg for the next day.

Christmas Day at home, just the 4 of us for dinner. We see family in the morning then the rest of the day is just us, enjoying a quiet Christmas whilst the DC play with their new things.

I do secret Santa with my family. We set a decent budget of £40 but it’s a bit of fun, means you only have to buy one present and know you’ll get one really lovely thing.

Boxing day myself, my parents and in laws take it in turns to host, this year we are having Boxing Day buffet at the in laws.

and that’s it! My nervous system and bank balance isn’t capable of much more.

There are only 4 of us for Christmas. Me, DH, DS, and my mum.

We have takeaway on Christmas Eve, no cooking, minimal cleaning up.

I love Christmas and cooking so we do starter, main with at least 2 meats and all the trimmings, usually 2 desserts.

We save the cheese board for the evening, with some good quality bought in things, like pork pies (mum makes sausage rolls and mince pies and shortbread), chutneys, etc.

None of us like Christmas pud or Christmas cake, so that's one job off your list.

Right. My thoughts to add here:

There are loads of very good quality online butchers out there still taking orders for delivery. They will also sell you fish and high quality ready made gravy. Use one of them and save yourself trips to various delis and shops.

ONE light show. ONE Santa. ONE panto.

Christmas Eve could be lots of canapés from M&S or Waitrose. Very little effort required and fun for kids.

Prioritise what brings you joy, so if that is cooking your normal Christmas dinner, do it. Just thin down the rest of the things you’re doing around it.

Stop going to all the events; they are all the same.

If you can’t bear not to help at all at school become one of the light touch ones who turns up at the event to lend a hand only but no prep etc.

Stop with the handmade gifts. Honestly I don’t think they are ever worth it, unless you are a champion at something that everyone loves. Have a gift moratorium this year with everyone you possibly can.