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Original poster

I was absolutely correct to cancel MIL's Christmas visit

85 replies

Worstdilhesaid · 26/12/2022 22:09

I started a previous thread, DH invited MIL for Christmas against my wishes. I was happy for her to visit after Christmas but I looked into trains on 24th and 27th and noticed there were issues. I messaged MIL and asked her to visit after Christmas, she said she'd come in January.

Even with no train strikes or issues with ticket sales it would have been an absolute disaster because...

Since Friday 23rd approximately 7pm DH has been in a semi-comatose state on the sofa for much of the time. He's even managed to nap through Shaun The Sheep and a Skype call with my parents. No he's not drunk, not drunk a drop, he's simply exhausted from a gruelling couple of months of working non-stop in challenging conditions. He does spend time with us and the DC, but he falls asleep on the sofa by 7.30pm and then sleeps through the night 11pm-9am even when both kids are up in the morning and baby DS still wakes up at night. I don't mind at all, he does need the rest and he does prepare food and do housework.

He's simply not in a shape to host someone, and MIL is a shy, awkward and unsociable person who would need hosting and looking after. I'll remind DH about this next year if he plans to invite her again. If we went to my parents his constant napping wouldn't be an issue at all and DP would be delighted to help look after DC. He's simply not in a shape to host anyone here! I feel rather smug now.

OP posts:
BananaSpanner · 26/12/2022 22:11

Why is he going to be different in January?

Luredbyapomegranate · 26/12/2022 22:12

BananaSpanner · 26/12/2022 22:11

Why is he going to be different in January?

He’ll have had a rest presumably

Well managed OP -

Whatnextarghhhhhh · 26/12/2022 22:14

I feel rather smug now

You feel smug because your DH is absolutely exhausted? I don’t follow.

Original poster
Worstdilhesaid · 26/12/2022 22:15

@Worstdilhesaid The January visit will he just one night/two days so I'm sure he'll manage to stay awake a bit more.

He's usually like this when he's got a couple of days off in a row and he goes into 'shutdown mode' when he knows he can relax properly. He copes fine with normal weekends.

OP posts:
BananaSpanner · 26/12/2022 22:16

I guess the previous thread was essential to understand the smug bit.

Butterflyfluff · 26/12/2022 22:18

I feel rather smug now.

Also don’t get why you’d be feeling smug about this

Life isn’t one big competition - if more people realised that, it would be a nicer place

jalopy · 26/12/2022 22:26

You are using him as an excuse.

CarPoor · 26/12/2022 22:28

I don't get why you are smug?

Your DH is exhausted. Sounds like you need to make some lifestyle changes the two of you to make life more manageable for your DH

Also is it normal to stay awake for Shaun the Sheep? I don't get the significance of even napping through shaun the sheep

BungleandGeorge · 26/12/2022 22:29

if he’d had a guest he wouldn’t have gone into ‘shut down’ mode though and would have coped like he manages to do on a normal weekend…

MermaidEyes · 26/12/2022 22:31

I don't get it. Why are you smug? Presumably you don't like your MIL as you didn't appear to want her to visit? This is a bit of a strange thread without the previous one.

CarPoor · 26/12/2022 22:32

I also don't see why your so desperate for your DH to not see your MIL at Christmas. This year it hasn't worked out because of the trains, but next year?

I feel like your sitting their tittefing and feeling smug that your DH hasn't been able to see his mum over Christmas. It's odd

If he can prevent going into shutdown mode for a weekend he can prevent it for a few days MIL is here over Christmas?

AnneLovesGilbert · 26/12/2022 22:34

I read your other thread and thought you were right. That would have been the case even if he’d been full of energy and the joys of the festive season - he wasn’t ever going to take responsibility for hosting her. If he can’t stay awake to spend time with you he was never going to have any quality time with her.

Hope you’ve managed a nice few days despite his absence.

Original poster
Worstdilhesaid · 26/12/2022 22:36

I suppose I feel smug because I've proven the point that Christmas isn't actually a good time to host a demanding LC relative when in fact DH needs this time to rest and spend time with his DC, whom he doesn't always get to see very much because he's always working.

I was happy for MIL to visit after Christmas for 2 days or so, but this Christmas visit would have been at least 4 days because she has to get here by train. Oh he would have been falling asleep on the sofa even if MIL were here, and that would have been very awkward for her and I.

OP posts:
BeingHeldAtHunPoint · 26/12/2022 22:38

Did it need a public “I told you so” post though?
You got your way, she didn’t come. Congratulations.

DifficultBloodyWoman · 26/12/2022 22:44

I remember your previous post, OP.

I’m glad it worked out and I’d feel quietly smug too because I like to be proved right.

FoodieToo · 26/12/2022 22:45

You sound like a lovely person.

Divebar2021 · 26/12/2022 22:49

So you changed her Christmas plans at the last minute? What did she end up doing for Christmas then?

Original poster
Worstdilhesaid · 26/12/2022 22:54

@Divebar2021 no not last minute, I messaged her at the end of November so she would have time to make alternative plans. She doesn't go online much and doesn't pay for anything online, so she would probably have walked to a train station some time before Christmas Eve to buy her tickets and would only then have realised she couldn't get any.

We haven't spent Christmas with her for about 8 years and she doesn't usually celebrate Christmas so she's probably spent time with her friends and other family. Dh is LC with her and has been for years.

OP posts:
UnshakenNeedsStirring · 26/12/2022 22:55

Remember youll be an MIL one day OP. Dont remember your earlier post. If you feel smug you got your way and your DH is tired then well, meh. You won this round by cancelling MIL, one day some one will cancel yours. What goes round comes round.

Butterflyfluff · 26/12/2022 22:58

Genuinely don’t understand why you think it’s ok for your husband to check out of Christmas when you have young kids, just so you get one over on your MIL

It seems like a little prioritisation is needed for all of you

choppolata · 26/12/2022 23:02

she's probably spent time with her friends and other family

So you didn't even speak to her today?

bumpytrumpy · 26/12/2022 23:04

My OH is always like this. Chronic illness. Doesn't stop everyone else's life moving on and we have to move with it.

lifeinthehills · 26/12/2022 23:04

choppolata · 26/12/2022 23:02

she's probably spent time with her friends and other family

So you didn't even speak to her today?

If no-one spoke to her that's on DH. Her son is capable of picking up the phone and calling his mother.

My DH didn't call his mother either, but I wasn't standing between him and the phone.

MiddleParking · 26/12/2022 23:04

He naps then sleeps 11pm-9am while you do all the morning kid stuff, and he’s slept through most of Christmas when he’s got young kids? And he told you you were the ‘worst DIL’ for not wanting to host his mother alongside doing all the parenting while he slept? I’d feel a lot of things and smug isn’t remotely close to being one of them.

Original poster
Worstdilhesaid · 26/12/2022 23:09

@choppolata you mean did my DH speak to her? She's his mother not mine! I did message her to say Merry Christmas, have a lovely day.

I have a toddler who has just stopped napping and a breastfed baby, I'm not going to be a martyr and do my husband's job for him.

He has been spending time with me and DC and cooking, cleaning etc. He's just been napping A LOT and falling asleep super early. That kind of napping is not compatible with hosting someone for 4 days straight.

OP posts:
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