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Original poster

I was absolutely correct to cancel MIL's Christmas visit

85 replies

Worstdilhesaid · 26/12/2022 22:09

I started a previous thread, DH invited MIL for Christmas against my wishes. I was happy for her to visit after Christmas but I looked into trains on 24th and 27th and noticed there were issues. I messaged MIL and asked her to visit after Christmas, she said she'd come in January.

Even with no train strikes or issues with ticket sales it would have been an absolute disaster because...

Since Friday 23rd approximately 7pm DH has been in a semi-comatose state on the sofa for much of the time. He's even managed to nap through Shaun The Sheep and a Skype call with my parents. No he's not drunk, not drunk a drop, he's simply exhausted from a gruelling couple of months of working non-stop in challenging conditions. He does spend time with us and the DC, but he falls asleep on the sofa by 7.30pm and then sleeps through the night 11pm-9am even when both kids are up in the morning and baby DS still wakes up at night. I don't mind at all, he does need the rest and he does prepare food and do housework.

He's simply not in a shape to host someone, and MIL is a shy, awkward and unsociable person who would need hosting and looking after. I'll remind DH about this next year if he plans to invite her again. If we went to my parents his constant napping wouldn't be an issue at all and DP would be delighted to help look after DC. He's simply not in a shape to host anyone here! I feel rather smug now.

OP posts:
2FelisCatus · 27/12/2022 20:46

This is just such a sad Christmas thread....

a1poshpaws · 27/12/2022 20:47

@Worstdilhesaid You really kicked a hornet's nest there, didn't you? If it's any consolation, I totally "got" you and I think you've been unlucky in getting a selection of replies from the same type of people who hate on Meghan Markle - they know f-all about her or her husband or home life, but by golly they're going to crucify her because she didn't martyr herself. Wishing you a happy New Year & I hope the January MIL visit is short, but sweet.

Cherryblossoms85 · 27/12/2022 20:56

I would be getting my DH a GP appointment or full health check ASAP, that's just weird

iRun2eatCake · 27/12/2022 21:05

@Worstdilhesaid - l think it would have been better to put an update on your previous thread, rather than starting a new one where some readers don't know the background

EarringsandLipstick · 27/12/2022 21:57

I bet you would love to host your husband's relative for 4 days whilst breastfeeding a teething baby and looking after a very hyper toddler, knowing that your husband is going to be too tired to look after his own guest so it all falls on you.

I don't think it's in any way unreasonable to have your DH's mother to stay for 4 days at Christmas. I can't see what relevance b/f or having a toddler is - yes, it's busy but it is normal life.

I do think having a H who is 'too tired' to properly participate in family life, including looking after his mother is a problem - and one you should address with him.

And if he's LC with her normally, why did he want her coming at all?

You've behaved really badly here.

Hercisback · 27/12/2022 22:04

I do think having a H who is 'too tired' to properly participate in family life, including looking after his mother is a problem - and one you should address with him.

This

Nofreshstarthere22 · 27/12/2022 22:06

Well done op❤️

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 27/12/2022 22:52

a1poshpaws · 27/12/2022 20:47

@Worstdilhesaid You really kicked a hornet's nest there, didn't you? If it's any consolation, I totally "got" you and I think you've been unlucky in getting a selection of replies from the same type of people who hate on Meghan Markle - they know f-all about her or her husband or home life, but by golly they're going to crucify her because she didn't martyr herself. Wishing you a happy New Year & I hope the January MIL visit is short, but sweet.

I'm completely with you here. Some of these Christmas threads have been even more than usually vicious. The pastings given to some OPs have been completely uncalled for and disproportionate, and have made for uncomfortable reading.

Of course, in practically every case it's women who are found wanting, whether they set themselves on fire to keep others warm or not. If they're hosting, they're doing it wrongly. If they're not, they are evil harridans who've committed the cardinal sin of being 'selfish'. If they're pleased with their efforts, particularly when these have been against a backdrop of difficult circumstances, they are self-righteous and need taking down several pegs.

Even by MN standards, this is low. Wishing you all the best, OP.

crimsonlake · 28/12/2022 07:49

We are all tired, tired from working, tired from all the Christmas preparations etc etc. But you know what? We all just get on with it and enter in to the spirit of things for those we love.
I worked until Christmas Eve and felt on my knees with everything, I have hosted, all are still in bed and I am having to go back to work feeling as exhausted as I ever was. Merry Christmas op.

boxingdayisbest · 28/12/2022 09:29

Op I'd be a bit displeased with your DH if he was mine.

I too do a very demanding job but I don't get to (and wouldn't want to) opt out if large parts of Christmas!

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