Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

Original poster

I was absolutely correct to cancel MIL's Christmas visit

85 replies

Worstdilhesaid · 26/12/2022 22:09

I started a previous thread, DH invited MIL for Christmas against my wishes. I was happy for her to visit after Christmas but I looked into trains on 24th and 27th and noticed there were issues. I messaged MIL and asked her to visit after Christmas, she said she'd come in January.

Even with no train strikes or issues with ticket sales it would have been an absolute disaster because...

Since Friday 23rd approximately 7pm DH has been in a semi-comatose state on the sofa for much of the time. He's even managed to nap through Shaun The Sheep and a Skype call with my parents. No he's not drunk, not drunk a drop, he's simply exhausted from a gruelling couple of months of working non-stop in challenging conditions. He does spend time with us and the DC, but he falls asleep on the sofa by 7.30pm and then sleeps through the night 11pm-9am even when both kids are up in the morning and baby DS still wakes up at night. I don't mind at all, he does need the rest and he does prepare food and do housework.

He's simply not in a shape to host someone, and MIL is a shy, awkward and unsociable person who would need hosting and looking after. I'll remind DH about this next year if he plans to invite her again. If we went to my parents his constant napping wouldn't be an issue at all and DP would be delighted to help look after DC. He's simply not in a shape to host anyone here! I feel rather smug now.

OP posts:
creamwitheverything · 27/12/2022 11:31

Sounds like you had a wonderful christmas OP tiptoeing round a sleeping person constantly you and the kids. That sounds just joyous....He might as well have not been there, looks to me like gloating over posponing MIL is the least of your problems, I would carry on as you are being a single parent while he just sleeps til his little heart is content and you shoulder it all....

Redebs · 27/12/2022 11:50

CarPoor · 26/12/2022 22:28

I don't get why you are smug?

Your DH is exhausted. Sounds like you need to make some lifestyle changes the two of you to make life more manageable for your DH

Also is it normal to stay awake for Shaun the Sheep? I don't get the significance of even napping through shaun the sheep

Shaun the Sheep is bloody thrilling!

boatahoy · 27/12/2022 11:56

Your poor MIL.

DuplicateUserName · 27/12/2022 12:03

I think your 'D'H is taking the piss.

So he's got a full on job, but so have many people and they don't get to check out of Christmas by virtually sleeping through it.

So he sleeps on the sofa from 7.30pm, then sleeps through the night from 11pm until 9am, while you're up during the night with the baby and then up first thing with the DC?

Selfish bastard.

It's amazing how many 'dads' on Mumsnet get away with doing so little because 'they work long hours'.

That's much easier than working a few less, and having to share the childcare and everyday druge work at home.

CarPoor · 27/12/2022 12:03

Redebs · 27/12/2022 11:50

Shaun the Sheep is bloody thrilling!

Show quote history

I do love a bit of Shaun the sheep, but equally it's not it's not indicative of a major problem if you nap during it Grin

CarPoor · 27/12/2022 12:05

I still don't understand why you are smug. You cancelled your MIL because of the trains, nothing to do with your partner being unable be to host.

It's sounds a bit shit, I'm sorry your Dh is too exhausted to host guests over Christmas. Im sorry he's been too exhausted to participate fully, hopefully next year he'll be better

BaublesandBangles · 27/12/2022 12:11

I think the MiL had a lucky escape not spending christmas with Mrs Smug pants and Mr exhausted.

I expect she had a far better time with people who actually like her.

Irisheyesareshining · 27/12/2022 14:04

One day you may be the mother in law , maybe you won’t feel so smug then 😞

OodieBoogie · 27/12/2022 14:12

I remember your previous thread and it was more about you not fancying being the maid, cook, bottle washer and all round entertainment for two kids, a husband who would be checked out and a woman you don't really have much of a relationship with for a protracted visit. Which is absolutely fair enough.

You would have been left holding the baby/child/MIL and trying to make it special whilst he napped. Smug was probably the wrong word, but I get the sentiment. You feel vindicated in your decision to put her visit off and not martyr yourself.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 27/12/2022 14:30

I'd be seriously concerned if my DH had worked himself to this level of exhaustion. It sounds like the state I was in when taking the Citalopram group of drugs - they left me practically soporific and I couldn't get through the day without sleeping in the afternoon for at least a couple of hours. It was only the second time I was put on them that I identified the reason. Apparently they can affect some people this way, and I now wouldn't take them at any price.

IMO your DH's condition needs investigating to determine whether there's some underlying cause.

As per your MiL's visit, he was of course being unreasonable to volunteer you for all the work of hosting here. But these are two separate issues.

Bumpsadaisie · 27/12/2022 14:40

Why is your DH so tired ?

PollyAmour · 27/12/2022 14:45

There's something very disturbing about your post. You are delighted that your poor husband is so exhausted he has spent the festive season napping on the sofa, because it validates your excuse to tell your mother in law she is not welcome at your house for Christmas.

He is her son. She would understand his need for sleep. Your DC are her grandchildren too.

Smug? You sound fucking insufferable.

Daffodilis · 27/12/2022 14:56

PinkButtercups · 27/12/2022 09:12

You sound like a b*tch tbh. I don't get why you'd feel smug. Nasty.

The irony of calling someone a bitch then labelling then nasty

Daffodilis · 27/12/2022 14:59

PollyAmour · 27/12/2022 14:45

There's something very disturbing about your post. You are delighted that your poor husband is so exhausted he has spent the festive season napping on the sofa, because it validates your excuse to tell your mother in law she is not welcome at your house for Christmas.

He is her son. She would understand his need for sleep. Your DC are her grandchildren too.

Smug? You sound fucking insufferable.

She is not taking delight in her husband being exhausted, she is happy she made the right call concerning hosting her MIL over Christmas, and did you not read where OP says her husband is LC with his mum

Holly60 · 27/12/2022 15:25

You don't think your DH spent it napping because he had nothing better to do? Your Christmas sounds a bit dull to be honest.

I would probably spend Christmas napping away from my DH if he had 'cancelled' a visit from my DM.

But well done you, glad you had what sounds like a thrilling Christmas holiday

SirMingeALot · 27/12/2022 15:59

I'd be seriously concerned if my DH had worked himself to this level of exhaustion.

Same.

CremeEggThief · 27/12/2022 16:02

What a strange, strange OP!
What do you want? A medal? 🏅

Munches · 27/12/2022 16:16

Not being rude and excuse me if I have misread your thread as I have had a cocktail or two, but you say your husband works non stop and also does the housework and prepares the food and that he is exhausted.

I am wondering where you fit into this in terms of sharing the load… as clearly it isn’t you flat out asleep on the sofa at 7.30pm.

What do you do to ease the load and share the responsibility? Why can’t you help with his MIL?

Seems one sided to me and I think that you are very fortunate to have a husband willing to do all of this, but it seems by how your thread appears that you are not sharing the duties.

Appreciate that you are breast feeding and have a toddler , but I have been there too with that and whilst it is tiring and draining it doesn’t stop you doing other tasks, and sharing the load, but clearly your poor husband is doing most of it , hence his exhaustion.

Munches · 27/12/2022 16:17

PollyAmour · 27/12/2022 14:45

There's something very disturbing about your post. You are delighted that your poor husband is so exhausted he has spent the festive season napping on the sofa, because it validates your excuse to tell your mother in law she is not welcome at your house for Christmas.

He is her son. She would understand his need for sleep. Your DC are her grandchildren too.

Smug? You sound fucking insufferable.

Absolutely fucking yes. Articulated so much better than me

Munches · 27/12/2022 16:19

*Sorry … YOUR MIL… not your husband’s.

You do sound insufferable. I think your MIL has dodged a bullet to be honest.

CovertImage · 27/12/2022 19:15

you mean did my DH speak to her? She's his mother not mine!

That apparently wasn't an issue when you messaged her and cancelled her visit

Original poster
Worstdilhesaid · 27/12/2022 19:43

Goodness, lots of wild interpretations here!
Firstly, I don't make my husband work like a slave! He does have q very demanding job yes, a job he loves and us passionate about. Since he finished on Friday I've let him have two long lie-ins, on Christmas morning I wanted him to see the DC open their presents and this morning I needed help with DD whilst I had to sort out the baby who had wet through all his bedding. It's called parenting. I usually do 90% of all parenting and housework as I'm at home with DS, but since DH is home I do expect him to be a parent. He's had a few lie ins and plenty of naps, I don't think I'm mistreating him by asking him to put dinner in the oven.

Maybe MIL did dodge a bullet, it would have been quite awkward for her to sit on a sofa with me whilst her son is asleep on the other sofa.

Maybe smug was the wrong term to use, a PP said vindicated, which is probably more accurate. If DH invites someone over, especially soneone he is LC with, I'd expect him to do the bulk of hosting and vice versa, this would clearly not have happened had MIL been here.

OP posts:
Original poster
Worstdilhesaid · 27/12/2022 19:46

@CovertImage I asked DH to speak to MIL because it looked like she wouldn't be able to get her train tickets, he said that I should message her, so I did.

Of course I can message her if I want to, but I don't have to. He is her son, it's his responsibility.

OP posts:
Original poster
Worstdilhesaid · 27/12/2022 19:55

@Munches of course I'm being horrible aren't I? I bet you would love to host your husband's relative for 4 days whilst breastfeeding a teething baby and looking after a very hyper toddler, knowing that your husband is going to be too tired to look after his own guest so it all falls on you. You would just love it wouldn't you, especially knowing that your guest is socially awkward and you'll barely have a proper conversation during the entire visit.

We're not talking about a rosy-cheeked granny who'll whip up a road dinner whilst entertaining the DC. She's hard work to host, not just in my opinion.

OP posts:
Gandalflight · 27/12/2022 20:07

I'll never understand how some people expect their spouse to turn their back on their 'old' family because they marry. You are celebrating because you successfully separated your DH and your MIL and your defense is you have young children? You just taught those children that family stop being important when they become old and a nuisance. Hopefully your children will treat you more emphatic in your old age. Just pray you get a better DIL.

Swipe left for the next trending thread