Gentle thread for those of us who would just like Xmas over with

[Durango]

It feels like you’re not allowed to say it.

But i don’t feel excited by Xmas, I don’t feel the magic, I don’t feel cosy or sparkly.

I feel like I’d like it to be summer. I’d like the sun to set past 9pm. I want the kids to play out. I want the whole bloody false joviality over and done with.

Anyone else?

I enjoy it but I've just been paid for January and have no money already. Can't stop bloody coughing so just going to try and enjoy a break from work.

I don't like Christmas, I've never really liked Christmas since my dm was dying and I had a traumatic Christmas as a teen. It's a long time ago now but the anxiety remains. Take this morning, last night the dog wouldn't wake up to go out for a last wee at bedtime, she was just exhausted but I've spent the night catastrophising purely because I can't cope with the notion that my own dc (now all adults although two ASD and dependent) should experience any trauma around Christmas. Logically I can see what I'm doing but it's very hard to throw it off.
I'd just like to ignore it all tbh. I go through the motions and even host but that's mostly so I have an excuse to hide away in the kitchen "cooking" but none of it brings me any pleasure.

No Christmas decorations here - the spirit is sadly lacking. Ill relatives. Expenses to repair washing machine and toilet needed replaced were major unexpected 'gifts'. Just want it over!

I am most definitely with you on this op. Christmas as a parent is anything but exciting and relaxing. It's very stressful infact. The dc are overly excited and acting up because of this, I'm expected to do all the buying/wrapping and preparations and Ile get very little if not nothing back from anyone. Also hosting all the family for dinner which will be anxiety inducing. Tuesday cannot come day enough when it will be over thankfully. Even better will be when I can take down the tree and know I've got a year before I have to go through all the shenanigans again.

Some heartbreaking posts on this thread. Hugs to you all

For a number of reasons, we decided several years ago to stop doing Christmas.

We do whatever we feel like doing on Christmas Day; if the weather is nice, we'll have a walk on the beach. If not, curl up with a book or TV. I've often started sewing projects on Christmas Day - made curtains etc. It suits us much better.

I'm not a huge fan of Christmas at the best of times. It all seems over hyped to me.

Unfortunately I had an accident earlier this year and I'm currently bed bound still so it's not great.

Can't get out to meet friends or to the shops to buy presents.

Won't be having a traditional Christmas Day lunch either.

Roll on 2023!!!!

My mum died last week and I am travelling down to family. She was so excited about having us all there after covid. It’s bittersweet as we are being together and doing what she wanted. But sad travelling there by myself.

I feel the same . I lost both Parents within 8 weeks of each other and organising the funerals and paperwork afterwards has been draining . My husband also lost his during covid .Keeping everything low key this year as it doesn’t feel right really . My days of huge Christmas dinners and entertaining are over I think .

This is a good list of coping strategies planted up thread by@Betterthing .

contained time with friends
lower the expectations
taking it an hour at a time
finding motivation to get small tasks done
factoring in a few hours to sit still in silence

She had also obviously planted bulbs-another tip to help. Amarylis will grow very rapidly, hyacinths will give you blooms and perfume in spring. We are now past the shortest day and gradually daylight hours lengthen.

Indulge yourself - whether it is a long soak in a warm bath, a scented candle, a glass of wine do something just for you. Christmas may be about giving but you cant give unless you have recharged your won batteries first.

There are elements to Christmas that I enjoy..the dinner and the wine mainly!
But the prep….buying presents, wrapping, house cleaning as always have overnight guests, food shopping etc can sod off.
Tbh, most of it is an expensive ball ache.
I miss my Mum and Dad, even though I have lovely siblings who I see over the festive period. Kids now young teens so not as excited.
Lots to be very grateful for, so I will stop moaning now. Roll on spring 😂

I normally love Christmas, but this year seems like all of the stress and none of the nice bits:

• missed seeing extended family because my DH got COVID and baby was sneezing. Couldn't risk exposing several frail relatives, so missed pre-Christmas meetup to stay at home tending to cranky, angry, bored and sneezing baby. Also missed almost all the social events we had planned with friends because of this.
• will still see my mum and grandma at Christmas (moved flight at considerable expense to make this work) but my grandma is very frail which is sad
• my mum is doing a lot of care/support for my grandma and is very stressed about how demanding she is and will want to offload a lot
• over the last 2 years, I've come to realise my stepdad is at best totally selfish and self centred, at worst controlling and financially abusive. Not looking forward to seeing him, let alone making polite conversation.
• heading to the Middle East to see my husband's family in the new year. It's the least pedestrian friendly city ever, his family are spread out across a wide metropolitan area with no good public transport and my baby hates the car. FiL and relatives all so excited to meet DS, but he's quite a fussy baby generally and it's going to be tough to manage expectations. Thankfully MiL gets it totally and is really supportive but it's still going to be stressful
• And all the petty things: didn't have a tree this year (my favourite part) because we were going to be away since last week; spent ages making salt dough footprint ornaments with DS but they almost all cracked, have to drag gifts for family members we are not even seeing now on two buses and a plane ...

Having dumped all that, I think the issue is really that this is DS's first Christmas and I'd planned lots of things to make it special for us, lots of which got messed up. Now I have the work of making it special for everyone else (my mum, my grandma, my in-laws meeting DS) without all the bits I had been looking forward to myself.

On the upside, there have been lots of good bits: DS enjoyed Christmas baking and the salt dough, even if results were questionable, it was snowy last week, we had a traditional paper advent calendar which I love, and a nice candle, DS will have his first Christmas stocking and it will be lovely (if exhausting) to see all our various family members.

I think the problem is that there is so much hype and build up over too long a period.

If it wasn't mentioned until perhaps a week before, constant songs being played on the radio, constant hype on the tv etc then I could get more on board with it.

By this stage I just want it over with as I'm bored of bloody hearing about it! Having said that I am excited for my son, he loves it.

Loved Christmas when I was in primary school because catholic it was such a special time. And importantly Christmas did not start until advent. That was in the 80s. Since we’ve become extreme consumers, retail Christmas starts in September and I’ve always found this ridiculous.

for me as others have said the winter solstice is such an important date. It marks a rising and I feel like each day after is a step towards spring.
I missed acknowledging the day this year because I received a breast cancer diagnosis. Christmas this year I just want to stay in bed. I get overwhelmed by family and the present buying and usually forget on purpose to bother with it. The only bit I enjoy is having my nephews over for a night and spending quality time with them and my sons. That tradition also hasn’t happened. This is the last Christmas when I’ll be this version of me. Next year is full of the unknown and I am sad.

Yep we'll be at the vets on Christmas day. But...dare I say....it looks like the very sick dog might be producing platelets in his blood again.

That’s so sad. My heart breaks for you 💔

Lostintranslation78 I'm so sorry to hear that. Take very good care of yourself xx

I couldn’t agree more @Durango i feel exhausted and overwhelmed by Christmas this year and just a bit numb to it now. I hate being the one who has to do all the thinking and consideration of what to eat, food shopping and prepping and cooking, tidying away and cleaning. I feel like I’m running a restaurant most days. I miss my mum who has passed and Christmas was so much fun with her. Now it just feels flat and I feel like a grinch saying this as we have a lot to be thankful for. But it’s not the same without all the ones you love with you.

Thanks for saying it.

Don't like it. It's false positivity. Many people are happy but you don't need the tat to be happy. It's like stuff your face, eat all the food, get drunk, lights full on, "it's christmas!!!!" music, kids over excited anxious, tantrums.

It's bonkers.

I'm also quite spiritual and in touch the natural world.

We're supposed to hibernate this time. And relax.

I've actually bought a Christmas tree today!

@schratching , it’s not just false positivity; it can be toxic positivity. People feel that they can’t be honest about the things that are bothering them because they don’t want to “drag anyone down” or “ruin Christmas,” and it’s not because those feelings go away and are temporarily replaced by Christmas cheer. If that were the case, suicides wouldn’t be so insanely high on Christmas.

I couldn’t wish it Christmas away fast enough. Christmas used to be such a happy time with my grandparents, and my grandmother was such an amazing cook, and there was so much laughter. But I never learned her recipes, so I can’t make the food, and I’m too sick to eat it even if I could, and it was the laughter that mattered the most, and it’s so quiet with both of them dead and gone now. I’m dying and need constant help so I’m stuck living with two people, one of whom really, REALLY doesn’t like me and won’t even speak me, and doesn’t care if it’s my birthday or Christmas or if I die without her speaking to me again - and of all the ways I hate to deal with conflict, I really hate anyone using the silent treatment, which she’s been giving me for over a year now, and she’s patiently waiting for me to die. Honestly, if I won the lottery tonight, I’d donate all the winnings except what I need to: leave this place, buy a nice cottage all my own, and hopefully have at least one nice, happy Christmas there before I die.

I hate all the family togetherness. My family are awful, my in-laws are difficult. i feel really guilty that I'm not giving my kids big family Christmases. All my friends seem to fuck off to enjoy their big family Christmas which makes me feel worse m now a no mates without a loving family. The majority of social stuff i plan inevitably gets cancelled due to weather or illness. My kids get horribly overwrought, particularly the neuro diverse one, no one seems to remember that they don't like noisy 'fun' and changes in routine. Then all the stuff, the horrible waste, the kids getting overwhelmed by too many unsuitable presents...

It felt rather Good getting that off my chest.

I think it would be even more miserable and less restful if we stayed here! At least there we’ll have loads of help with the dogs and baby and all the rest of it. I had terrible steroid induced insomnia last night and was wide awake until 4:30 am so I used that time to do a load of packing 💪🏻

@5YearsLeft sorry to hear someone is giving you the silent treatment. If you were here, I'd let you talk and make you a lovely cup of tea. We'd have a good time and a laugh.

I hope you find a way to escape.

I'm on my own this year. Have been struggling with a relapse of mental illness. My children are with their father, we alternate years. Partner is away with their family. I'm hibernating and just hope it will be over soon.

Sending much love to everyone on this thread.