Gentle thread for those of us who would just like Xmas over with

[Durango]

It feels like you’re not allowed to say it.

But i don’t feel excited by Xmas, I don’t feel the magic, I don’t feel cosy or sparkly.

I feel like I’d like it to be summer. I’d like the sun to set past 9pm. I want the kids to play out. I want the whole bloody false joviality over and done with.

Anyone else?

Thank you for starting this thread.

I find Christmas horribly triggering. Abusive family, alcoholic dad. My mum died at Christmas time when we were all young. Toxic extensive family. I have ASD so the sensory stuff & changes in routine mess with my mind. Too many social gatherings, and I am divorced so navigating exh, teenagers, etc.

This year I am finding the guilt horrible.

Anyone have any coping strategies?

• contained time with friends
• lower the expectations
• taking it an hour at a time
• finding motivation to get small tasks done
• factoring in a few hours to sit still in silence

please feel free to share. For some reason the death of Terry Hall has really opened up some wounds. Stay strong, everyone, once it’s done, spring will start. I can see shoots on my hyacinth plant.

My job is always quite stressful in the lead up to Christmas which always puts a downer on things. Yesterday I went to a short lunchtime carol concert which I was really looking forward to as was meeting some friends there. I spent most of it anxiously looking at my watch as I knew I had loads of work to get back to and didn't really enjoy it. Ended up practically running back to the office. I start Christmas frazzled and resentful most years.

It’s none of my business, but in your circumstances can you just stay home and have a quiet day the three of you? If you and DH just need to rest?

I usually love it, but I've been so busy for months with different things I've allowed self care to become non-existent. The work on the house hasn't been done and I feel it's a pighole and that affects my mood. Huge pressure of work, bullying by next door neighbour, massive problem with my friend that I've given too much time and attention to at my own expense, huge financial outlay to repair the car, vet bills and dental work running into thousands have all come to a head this week.

I have lots of things planned over the holidays though I feel I can't relax because the house isn't finished.

Stay at home next year, honestly. It’s too much to ask you to travel with two small children (unless you wanted to)

It's just such fucking hard work, mentally. My DM is in hospital- my older teen has covid, although I've managed to avoid him completely. DDs present will not arrive in time for Christmas (she knows this and is OK with it but is obviously disappointed.) DH has ordered a daddy of all cockerals to feed 5000 which we will don't need. I haven't had time to get the last minute bits due to visiting DM.

Bring on Easter!

Exactly this

My midwinter celebration is the solstice not Christmas. However, I have to pretend to do Christmas in some situations albeit in a very very minor way because some people think it's weird.

Humanist pagans are discriminated against so I tend not to discuss it and force a smile when people wish me a merry Christmas.

Can't wait for the whole nonsense to be over. My snowdrops and daffodils are shooting, that's something to celebrate.

My troubles are really insignificant compared to lots on the thread. However I have had a bad run with my health and with work stress, so I really needed a break to rest. Except one of the cats had major surgery on Monday. She now needs medicating early in the AM, plus is clanking her cone of shame around in the wee small hours trying to get comfortable. So I'm spending my annual leave doing Christmas chores without the benefit of a desperately needed good night's sleep or a lie-in.

We're hosting this year, and one of the guests has pretty much insisted that lunch be brought forward 90mins to accommodate her evening plans. She is the family princess, and trust me, the fallout from declining to do this would be bizarrely ridiculous from the rest of the family (for context another person has been roped in to driving to drop her off to her thing 40 miles away after Christmas dinner, so an 80mile round trip). H, whose relative she is, thinks dinner should accidentally fall off schedule, but I'm not that petty. Anyway, there's another busy early morning for me.

Plus the DC (teens) have failed to identify much by way of presents that they want, and yet will no doubt be disappointed by the fact that they've got less to open as a result, as I do not have the disposable income to "bulk things out" for the sake of appearances.

Blimey, that was a lot. I don't think I'd realised how rotten I was feeling, so thank you OP for the opportunity to vent!

Its not very Christmassy here, for animal reasons. I live in the next street to my mum and we're currently taking a sick dog back and forth to the vets as they try to diagnose what appears to be a serious autoimmune condition. Will probably be in on Xmas day. At the same time, one of my best friends woke up to find her 1 year old cat had died in her sleep. Genetic heart defect apparently. She's devastated.

My own two cats are fine and dandy. I told my bolshy girl she better stay well, for which she affectionately punched me in the face, as is her wont.

I like routine so find Christmas unsettling, wouldn't tell the kids or partner, they love it all and would probably think I'm weird

Sorry for those of you who are going through tough times
For me, this time if year brings a lot of guilt. I feel so bad for my DS. It's always just the 3 of us at Christmas and I feel as though he's missing out. No siblings, no cousins, no extended family to join us. We still have a nice day but I know it's not a 'big family celebration' as most people seem to have. Everyone says Christmas is about family - just brings it home to me how small ours is I suppose. I feel so guilty I cry most nights at the moment.

This is a great thread. Thank-you OP for starting it.
Let's do it every year,I have found it very helpful and a safe place to say what I feel. Best wishes everyone.

Thank you Op for the much appreciated thread

Christmas can be such a painful or just plain tedious time for many. I was lucky enough to have good memories of it growing up, but as I now live overseas and can't afford to travel long-haul often, I'm aware that I may never get to spend Christmas with my siblings again. I have to keep my chin up for DD and I'll admit to loving the Christmas season in general, but the day itself is secretly such a letdown for me.

Me, I usually love Christmas but I’ve recently had my third mc and I just want it to be January already, dreading smiling my way through family Christmas when I should have been 4 months pregnant, or had a baby already 💔

I’ve hated Christmas for years now, too much pressure on me to get the presents sorted out, pressure of equal gift giving for family, too many school activities to attend. One year we had 3 Carol concerts.
Family arguments over choice of Christmas dinner, I’m sick of it.
We’ve changed the menu for two or three years now, and there has been no end to the arguments from our now adult kids, the young ones are absolutely fine.
So back to traditional dinner this year.
Ive managed to get a few days off work before Christmas this year, so less stress this time

What is it with 20 something year olds, behaving like spoilt brats about Christmas? And voicing their opinions loudly and obnoxiously if they don’t get their own way.
My own mother would have murdered me, nor would I have spoken and sworn at her like mine do.
What a fun life

I’m so sorry . X Do something for your self xx

Exactly the same for me. I would love my dd to experience a big, noisy, chaotic Christmas.

Your daddy of all cockerels reminds me of the time I sent DH out to get veg on Christmas Eve. He came home with a full carrier bag of broccoli and 2 kilos of carrots. To feed 6. 2 of whom were small children and 1 of the adults barely ate veg. He was worried we wouldn't have enough!

We also celebrate the Solstice but go through the motions of food and present giving on Christmas for the extended family’s sake.

I hate the whole thing and have done ever since the children hit teenage years. My parents are elderly now and when they are gone I’m going to book somewhere warm and sunny in a country that isn’t in thrall to Christmas.

Adult DC and DP can do what they like!

I quite enjoy the buildup but not the day itself. It’s just me and my lovely kids, I am low-contact with my mother who now has Alzheimer’s and who marred several Christmas Eves/Days in the ‘80s and ‘90s with her tantrums whilst my father walked on eggshells to try to appease her.

Genuine commiserations to those who are ill or have unwell relatives, friends or pets. It is difficult.

Thank you so much for this thread -really needed today.
i like the lead up to Xmas but I hate being constantly asked what a I am doing. My decree nisi comes though today as me and although l tI am so much happier now than when I was living with stbxh I still feel slightly off balance. Kids are with him on Xmas day and Ihave lots of invitations from good friends, will be spending Xmas Eve with my lovely new partner so am incredibly lucky but really, really want Xmas to be over.

yes yes yes me too. Bloody hate Christmas all the pressure and expectation to make it "magical" my anxiety levels rise massively at Christmas I do not enjoy it at all. wish it would just fk off can't wait until the dc are back at school and the normal routine continues.

I've always loved Christmas, even still get excited despite being 48! But I completely understand what you're saying though. I'm always pleased when Christmas is over and we can get back to normal.
Summer is my favourite time of year. I feel so free and light I'm the summer.