Refusal to buy “boring” gifts

[Jinglebellsloth]

My mother still likes to get me a few bits at Christmas, which is kind of her.

She asked me what I wanted for Christmas as she didn’t know what to get me.

I explained I didn’t really need any ‘gifts’ as such, but would love some useful things that I use everyday e.g. the brand of vitamins I like to take etc.

She had refused as she claims these are boring. I’ve tried to explain that I would much rather have that than some random stuff she’s picked and wrapped that I don’t need/want/use.

I like to think Christmas presents should be things you would really like but wouldn't buy fir yourself as it's an indulgence. I wouldn't want to buy vitamins.
Isn't there something nice you would like but cant justify buying?

"asked my DM for an electric heated throw. She thought that was boring, but I stressed that I desperately wanted one!*
I don't think that's boring it sounds a perfect present, something you really want but wouldn't buy for yourself. It's not like buying vitamins you would buy anyway.

I really feel for adults, present buying might be betting to be banned.

OP was asked what she wanted, but told that was not appropriate and now has to think of something else.

Reminds me of my DM who would ask me what I wanted for Christmas and then proceed to buy brooches for about 5 years running, even when I said that I was grateful for the gifts but never wore brooches and had asked for a slow cooker.

I agree that I HATE to be asked these thing (anything I can think of and buy myself I do and anything I can think of but cant buy myself is too expensive for a gift... that leaves things I cant think of and really thats the whole point that someone put THOUGHT comined with effort and time in).

That said I would never answer that question with 'multi vitimins' or ''fridge shelves' thats just ridiculous, don't give any answer rather than one that is basically so passive agressive just so you can come start a thread and moan about the person.

I mean OP might aswell ask for bag of carrots and some oven trays because she forgot to pick some up at the supermarket... its not a 'gift' item its a 'can you do my shopping' errand.

That is next level! I like to get a few practical bits and bobs but they are incredibly dull. I can see why nobody would want to buy them for you! Worst case just ask for a voucher for somewhere you can buy the vitamins from 🤣🤣

If the mum wanted to get her daughter a "special surprise" then she wouldn't be asking what she wants would she!

I agree OP, if you ask what someone wants that's I assume because you don't know them very well / can't be arsed to think of a present or because you don't want to make a mistake. So don't turn round then and say no you can't have them.

I always ask for practical gifts from DD, it's got to the stage now where she asks "so what random, bizarre thing do you want this year then?" This years answer is a rice steamer, because mine has broken. Last year it was a slow-cooker and 2019 saw me getting a vegetable rack...all things I asked for. I ask for things like that, partly because it's things I will use and not just be put into a cupboard/drawer never to see the light of day again (as my mum did), and partly because my birthday is December 25th, so having to think of 2 lots of "exciting/lovely" gifts gets exhausting and, for me suggesting and her buying, it's easier to go with practical (although somewhat random), gifts for Christmas and let her have free reign for the more personal/lovely ones for my birthday.

For a few years now, all I really have wanted is a robomop for the kitchen. We have a dog - DHs idea - so the floor gets mucky quickly.
I don't want to buy it as it seems like an extravagance.
He says he can't buy it as a present as it would look really bad, so instead I get random stuff and spend my spare time mopping the floor .

For a lot of people, buying presents isn’t about getting something you wouldn’t buy yourself (because if you wouldn’t make it a priority for your own money, how much do you really want it) but about the giver showing the receiver that they know them, understand them, care about their interests and preferences and think they are important. So if you already have to ask for specific suggestions you’re falling at that first hurdle. But if you then ignore them and tell the person their wants are wrong, you are making it all about the giver and not the recipient for a second time.
Like PP I agree that this can be for boasting to friends about the gifts the giver has bought, which is more important to the giver than the recipient or the gift.

I hadn't really tried any expensive moisturisers to know if they suited my skin and didn't particularly want to try find and find one out of my budget that I couldn't afford to buy again.
I don't see why anyone need to 'win' at buying someone else a gift. I buy people things I know they want even if I wouldn't buy it for myself because it's about them not me.

So re-gift it 🙄

@KangarooKenny

Really???? So the Mum can’t be bothered thinking of a gift, asks what daughter would like, doesn’t like the answer so daughter should say yeah give me something I don’t want which I’ll then just regift to someone else? Just what is the point of that? Seriously I cannot get my head around that. Please explain why daughter cannot get a present she actually wants and instead she has to go without and someone else ultimately gets the gift and everyone feels great, except the daughter. She’s had to do all the thinking and gets nothing because her Mum just can’t accept her choice or opinion even when it has no effect on them.

Plus why is expensive moisturiser a good present but cheaper moisturiser that @QuietYou uses day to day and likes is not, even though if she was bought some, it makes her happy and is one thing less to buy, which would free up her own money to spend on something else she might want later?

Just because something is more expensive for the same sort of product, it doesn't make it more appropriate as a gift. This is especially true for things like moisturiser, where 'nice' is very subjective and the item is often priced high because then people will think it is better, rather than it being more expensive because it is higher quality.

See also things like candles and toiletries. Without the branding and price to guide people, almost no-one knows which is expensive and which is cheap and to a lot of people, the more expensive version is a waste of money. If someone was to spend £50-100 on them, they'd want to end up with a lot more than a pot of moisturiser or a candle, which has no more value to them than similar items at a tenth of the price.

Wow, I didn’t think this would get such a huge response! It’s taken me a while to read all the replies but I appreciate everyone who took the time to reply.

To answer a few things that came up quite a bit, there really isn’t anything luxurious that I want. I have all the pajamas, fluffy socks, dressing gowns etc I need. I don’t wear jewelry, don’t like candles, don’t like ornaments etc that just end up as clutter. Don’t drink hot drinks, have all the books I want, don’t like baths etc. I really am quite hard to buy for🙈

To those that said vitamins are not a great gift, the ones I have asked for are expensive and I cannot justify the expense on a regular basis. (Vitamins and supplements which are around £20 a bottle). Holland and Barrett have a 3 for 2 sale so wouldn’t cost as much as usual if my mother bought them.

My fav gift a few years back was a cordless Hoover. I felt like a kid at Christmas getting the doll they always dreamed of! I loved it and was certainly the best present I could have received that year! 😁

Eh?

So the DD ends up with nothing just to make the DM feel better?🙄👏