Refusal to buy “boring” gifts

[Jinglebellsloth]

My mother still likes to get me a few bits at Christmas, which is kind of her.

She asked me what I wanted for Christmas as she didn’t know what to get me.

I explained I didn’t really need any ‘gifts’ as such, but would love some useful things that I use everyday e.g. the brand of vitamins I like to take etc.

She had refused as she claims these are boring. I’ve tried to explain that I would much rather have that than some random stuff she’s picked and wrapped that I don’t need/want/use.

No I’m not ‘new here’ cool girl. It’s like…you’re being argumentative, but you’re putting forward points that evidence my argument and not yours? Yes exactly, it’s not too much to ask for suggestions. Which OP has duly provided

don't be daft. If you're not new here you KNOW the attitude towards gifts.
It would take literally 30 seconds from OPs day to say "yes, i really want those, maybe throw in some nice chocolate"

but everyone has to be so "oh i hate presents"

I'm with you op. I've had every type of gift over the years and they're always appreciated, however, many practical things I use are expensive and I hate handing out good money for things and end up buying the cheaper version.

This year I asked for a steam generator, mine died 2 weeks ago, I seen the one I really like but would hate paying this amount of money and was going to buy a cheaper one but thought, why not get one for Christmas and they can all chip in together and get me the one I really want. Yes, I am that weirdo who enjoys ironing and am actually quite excited about getting a decent one.

Last year I asked for a cordless vacuum and it's been used every day and I absolutely love it. I'd never buy this for myself.

Dh hates buying practical gifts, I use to too, but I actually now love getting something that makes my life easier and I'll get lots of use from it. I've so much jewellery and perfume and makeup and electronics etc that it's a waste if these things are bought for me.

I say, get what you really want, it doesn't matter if anyone else thinks it strange, I use to look at my mother strangely when she'd ask for things like a note with a promise of hovering the house, a week of washing the dishes, a week of cooking etc but now I'm older I'm actually loving these things.

@KnickerlessParsons , sorry, but that did make me 😂!

I totally agree with you OP, I don't want or need 'luxury' gifts in my life ... a complete waste of money. If someone wants fridge trays or white socks that that is a perfect gift for them ... so many present givers seem to think the experience is about what makes them happy in their 'generous gesture' .
I am involved in a community project and at that this time of year we get totally overwhelmed with unsuitable donations ... because people think they are being kind and yes, they are generous but so much better to ask what is needed than donate .. for example .. 100 Advent Calendars for rough sleepers in their 20s .

Seems you’ve wildly misunderstood the scenario. OP has literally done that, she hasn’t at any point said she hates presents, she’s provided more than one suggestion for something she’d like if the suggestion is that she should instead receive something she doesn’t want, for her mum’s sake, then I can’t for the life of me see why it’s OP’s responsibility to think about what that might be.

I'm with you on this. My mum buys for me every year, and while the gifts are always lovely they're not what I want or need. I buy back for her and I'm sure she thinks the same. Also I'm nearly out of my vitamins 😂

A plant for the garden ..
A lovely bunch of flowers
Posh chocs
Coffee shop voucher ?

I've had two really good presents from my DH over the years that have made my life easier ... and both times friends are horrified! A large black dustbin (at a time when we could only put out sacks for the refuse collectors) and a sturdy non stick frying pan. Perfect gifts that I asked for and received .

If you take multi vitamins every day and your DM has given them to you every day you will have a practical example of her love for you. My DS gave me a mug last year to use for my morning cup of tea, I love it.

I see both sides tbh. Perhaps you should try to think of something else that you genuinely want/need.

They're not the most exciting gifts granted, but I would rather buy someone those if they wanted them and will be put to good use than a load of unwanted tat just because it's seen as a more acceptable gift.

I suspect my Mum’s criteria is would she be able to boast at the allotment about my present to her or hers to me. If not, she won’t like it. From this point of view vitamins won’t go well. It’s more about being very basic spend rather then boring. In the past Mum gave my sister money for some expensive dental work which wasn’t exciting at all, very boring, but it’s ok because it’s quite expensive so not basics.
I would ask for chocolates in your place but tbh my mum wouldn’t understand this either.

My SIL does this - refuses to buy anything on my Amazon wishlist, because "they're not presents" so gives me an Amazon voucher... which I use to buy the stuff on the wishlist...

In a way I get the op but I would mention things like posh liquid soap or shampoo/body wash

Nice biscuits, posh coffee/tea

So nicer versions of normal things

I'm with you, OP! I love practical gifts. I wouldn't ask for something like a loaf of bread, but if it's vitamins that are a bit fancier than you'd normally buy, or ones that are particularly expensive, then I say go for it! If she wants to get you something that she feels is nice, though, id ask for nice pyjamas or slippers or something - something you'll use at least.

My mum got quite upset with me last year when I asked for a new frying pan 🤷‍♀️

If she doesn’t want to buy you vitamins or fridge trays, are there any other useful things that you need that she may feel are more Christmassy?

Jars of vitamins and fridge trays! Poor Mum she wants a special surprise for you. Maybe some luxury slippers or dressing gown .Chocolates or perfume .I adore jewellery ,even something from M and S maybe? What about an Afternoon Tea voucher at a nice hotel .

I suppose I’d get it if you were completely skint and couldn’t afford your own vitamins and fridge trays. But surely if you were totally skint those items would be nowhere near the top of your list?

A nice plant?

Oh FFS I feel your pain OP. What this translates to is feeling totally un listened to, invisible and invalid. Mum doesn’t know what to get you so asks. She doesn’t like the answer so refuses to get you what you actually want/need. It doesn’t matter one jot what others think here, the fact is you’ve stated exactly what you would like and that has absolutely no negative impact on anyone, anywhere yet you’re still made out to be unreasonable and get a shite present you don’t want/need/like just to reaffirm everyone else’s expectations. So really the gift is all about the giver and not the receiver. Asking someone what they would like and then refusing to get them it is the ultimate in rudeness IMO.

Absolutely agree. It's rude and massively patronising. It's the giver making it all about them and insisting the silly little recipient can't possibly know what they actually want.

An experience would fit the bill, surely?

Day out with your mum? Doesn't have to be an afternoon tea or red letter day just the chance to make memories rather than buy more stuff.

Favourite mascara, lip balm, chocolates or other snacks.

It isn’t. Presents are supposed to be something you wouldn’t buy yourself. My son has given me a list of books he can’t afford this year and also asked for cologne, which is a guilty pleasure that he can’t bring himself to spend his own money on. It’s possible to ask for something you want that you wouldn’t spend your own money on.