My daughter has found my Christmas list plan

[Primula78]

Hello

After advice please

Yesterday my daughter (6 nearly 7 and bright/doesn't miss a trick) was building a den with blankets around my work desk. Didn't think anything of it until this morning. She asked me a question that made me stop and double take.

On my desk are many notebooks. At the back of one of these notebook (my christmas planning one) i have listed all the presents I have purchased for her bday and Xmas (they are close together) I have listed her stocking items, the items santa is bringing and then the presents we have got and what I have asked wider family to get. I also have lists for wider family presents, food, Xmas cards.

I think she found the notebook when playing ans read it based on the question she asked this morning. I'm very cross and hurt, I haven't asked her outright but I have asked her if she has anything she wants to tell me and she said no.

I have now removed these pages from the notebook. My initial thought is to write a message for her if she returns to the book along the lines of 'I know you have read this - all presents have been returned. Please do not look in my notebooks again'

My husband says this is very mean and it's natural for kids to snoop etc.

Any advice please?

Oh dear- this is a shame but agree with PP that you can't really hold her responsible. She's only little and obviously not some sort of master criminal given that she's so blatantly given herself away 😂

If you want to try to maintain the Father Christmas thing, maybe add a big note in the book saying "Note to self- must remember to write to Santa with these ideas!" or similar.

I'd probably add or swap one or two things so she still has a surprise.

I really wouldn't make a big thing of it. Honestly, you will look back and find it funny, if anything, especially her trying to act surprised on Christmas morning. Try to frame it in your mind as a silly childhood thing which you will laugh about together one day, not anything worse than that. Hide your book better in future!

@MollieMarie and others who have mentioned this point about letting her play near the book.

No I never thought she would find it. There are several notebooks dotted all over my desk. She was making a den ans playing with her toys. My desk is in our lounge and I was in and out the room the whole time and didn't see her look at it - there were blankets around her of course. She was playing toys under there when I did check and no notebook in sight.

I'm so happy for you being perfect and keeping these things separate but life means something I never thought she would find - the chances were small - she has.

Also don’t go OTT now with the whole Father Christmas not being real thing. Just let it be and let her take the lead on it. If she doesn’t ask, you don’t need to go anywhere with that.

I'm definitely not saying my way is right. I'm sure there will be a million people telling me I'm wrong but FWIW my way would be to say,

• what makes you ask that? DD, have you been reading Mummy's notebook? Don't lie to me!

And when she said 'yes'. I'd say - DD that was notes from Mummy's conference call to lapland! You're not meant to know about any of that! Oh goodness me, I'm going to have to call them back now and tell them. Do you know how hard it is to call lapland?

I'd theatrically flap around. But it would lead into a more sensible and calm conversation about not reading people's notebooks.

I'd definitely be taking some presents back and swapping some stuff about.

I think mostly what you're feeling is just pure disappointment with a dose of deflation - all that work and planning to create the excitiment and it's undone in an instant - type of thing?

Just remind yourself, most kids at one point found their Santa presents, read a list, or overheard a conversation and they've been taking the wind out of their parents sails by doing so!

Try and think of it as part and parcel of family Christmas rather than ruining Christmas.

She is about the age that the majority of children stop believing or at least are extremely doubtful

I must have been super immature or times have changed. I was fully fledged believer at 6yrs. I was starting to question around 9yrs, haha.

‘Cross and hurt’ get a grip OP 🙄

I knew as soon as I read this post that some posters would blame the OP for ‘leaving the notebook lying around’. Mumsnet bingo.

It's not a huge deal - she has spoilt the surprise for herself, it really doesn't matter.
You ought to have firm boundaries of places where she is and ins't allowed to go into (my kids know they cannot touch my handbag, desk drawers or bedside cabinets). Those are private spaces. Then if you leave the notebook lying around, she may look at it, but if it is in your private space, she is doing wrong if she does.

As a previous poster suggested actually wrap a pot noodle or two .and see what she says on Christmas day!

@LadyHarmby yes and thank you. It want just lying around. It was neatly stacked with paperwork and other books on my desk. Wasn't exactly lying open on the kitchen side.

@Mariposista conversations will be had over the coming days.

@encantorerun I like the idea. I don't think she will fall for it. But you have summed up my feelings thank you. And some good advice.

I'm very cross and hurt, I haven't asked her outright but I have asked her if she has anything she wants to tell me and she said no.

She is 6 year old

Returning all of a 6/7 year old's presents because they looked in your notebook would be an incredibiliy OTT punishment. And making a threat that you wouldn't follow through is just silly.

A little talk about how it's not nice to look at other people's private things would much more appropriate.

@fantasmasgoria1 this is a very good idea. Pot noodles may need to be purchased.

I feel like I want her to know I know with out having to say I know she knows.

I don't want to hurt her or be mean really but she's too blooming clever for her own good and she has the upper hand at the moment.

Children are curious. I would say it a list of ideas and don’t if everything will be possible for Christmas.

Your DH is right, your idea is mean.
I can’t understand why you are hurt by this.

@Harrysnippleno3 and you wouldn't feel disappointed if your child found all their Christmas and bday presents?

Of course I have asked her to tell me if she has anything she wants to talk to me about. She's 6 and I want to give her a chance to be honest and open with me.

Don’t know if it possible 🤦‍♀️

@Primula78 don’t get into power games with your child. She didn’t do it to have an upper hand, she’s just a child and did what children do. Leave it well alone now and try not to view your child as an adversary.

Huh?

Why are you trying to get into a power play with a 6 year old about Christmas? What do you mean she has the upper hand? That's so dramatic. Although not as bonkers as the PP suggesting you pretend you were on a conference call with Lapland.

What are you trying to achieve by playing games with her? She either figured out FC isn't real and might not be bothered or might be a bit confused and unsure how to talk about it. What she isn't is, I am pretty sure is feeling smug about it and lording it over you as you seem to be imagining.

Buying pot noodles, trying to force her into "confessing", considering sending presents back is all coming from some weird idea you have to control how a 6 year old experiences Christmas.

I agree with @mam0918 snooping is not what every kid does. I never did, nor my sister. Fair enough if you left it in plain sight but it was in a notebook at the back, notebooks you have previously told her not to touch. She looked through things she knew she shouldn't touch which I think is disrespectful, adults are allowed to keep certain things off limits. I don't subscribe to this whole children should have access to everything. No they shouldn't, they need to learn to respect other people's property.

But also don't let it spoil Christmas. Your DD has probably learnt a lesson and as per a PP don't make your standards so high about making everything extra special as that's a really high bar to maintain.

My six year old niece picked up DH's notebook yesterday and asked if she could draw in it. Naturally, I took her outside and flogged her with birch twigs. Remember, small children completely understand adult sensibilities and boundaries, it usually kicks in by age 2.5 (months).

Alternatively forget the whole thing and enjoy Christmas anyway. She loves you and will have fun even without a surprise.

You said what I said @TangledWebofMincemeatDeception but far more succinctly!

I won't be returning any of the presents to be clear. They have been chosen with care and are appropriate and what she wants or we think she would like.

I may jiggle them around abit - I'm undecided about that.

The crux of the matter is the reading my stuff when she has been told not to. The looking at my stuff when she has been told not to.

I am disappointed and cross about that and as other posters have summed up better than me I was looking forward to surprising her with these gifts so I'm upset. Can those saying why am I cross or hurt not understand that?

What @encantorerun said is spot on

She doesn't have the upper hand on anything. How bizarre you sound.

And she's not "too clever for her own good" if she's gone through your notebooks before to draw in them. She didn't know her present list was in there, she came across it accidentally ffs.

Why do you assume she's plotted this like some criminal mastermind? She's 6!