To be sad about Christmas already..

[Micemice]

Usually spend time over Christmas with my side of family at parents home about 4 hrs away- bring my DH,2 kids and another sibling join from several hours away also. All together happy happy for a few days visiting Extended family and then spend time with DH family either before we go or after we return. This year my parents and sibling are going abroad to visit a family member for a month to USA- mid dec to mid Jan. Unfortunately we cannot afford either the annual leave or the flights to join them, I’m happy they are all able to go and spend time together as wasn’t possible for a few years due to covid. However my DH parents are also away abroad this Christmas period , his 2 siblings and families also all have plans with their in-laws, some going away together etc.
sitting tonight wondering how my husband and 2 kids are going to manage the Christmas period this year- it will be very different being by ourselves in our own home( a first!) .
Brings me to my AIBU ..I made a suggestion previously that we may go stay at my parents home ( I grew up here) for a few nights Christmas week to allow us to visit extended family there however my mother has just informed me she has promised a random friend she rarely sees use of her house over the Xmas period. She’s surprised and not even interested that I was thinking of using the house for a night or two . Aibu to feel put out? Literally all family members have plans most of Christmas week and I am now panicking what our Christmas will look like. Can’t afford to hire/ go away anywhere. Wouldn’t be feasible to drive 4 hrs to visit extended family and return on same day with toddler in tow. Extended family elderly and don’t have space to host overnights.

aibu to feel sad about prospect of quite a lonely Christmas and worry my kids will miss out of time with family/cousins?

yabu- just be thankful for the Christmas you will have together.

thanks if you made it this far!

Imo your dc will love a Christmas at home. No travelling! Most people's idea of a fantastic day!

I wouldn’t drive 4 hours. Also you sound like you kind of presumed use of your mums house and she didn’t know so already promised it to a friend. I think you should embrace the different Christmas this year. It might end up being your kids favourite one! Just the 4 of you, watching festive films, playing with new toys, playing games, lots of lovely food. It could be wonderful. Sometimes kids just want to be home in pjs enjoying the day and relaxing. Too much out and about isnt all it’s cracked up to be

You are being massively weird about this. Have Christmas at your own house like the majority of other people do.

Your kids would love a Christmas at home though. It's wank being ripped away from your pressies and dragged about everywhere. If you put a bit of thought into it it could be the best one you've had.

After the lockdown Christmas I'm not going back to the visiting one me. It's mint.

You need to re-frame it in your mind, what a great opportunity to have a Christmas day that suits just the 4 of you. Choose the food you like best, spend the day in pjs, watch Xmas films on repeat, play with the kids without having to work to someone else’s timetable. I’d bet it’ll end up being the most relaxing one you’ve had in years!

I get the sadness of a Christmas that isn’t the one you’ve chosen.

But YABU about your parents’ house (assuming you didn’t ask them before they made arrangements with the friend).

Just stay home.

I know you might be disappointed, but there are many out there who would give anything NOT to have to travel and spend time away from home at Christmas.

What did you do during Covid?

Be positive, you'd never know... you could enjoy it immensely and never want to leave your nest at Christmas ever again! Plan for your own family Christmas, it will be fabulous.

Yabu to think you can just use your mum’s house when she’s away.

So your “lonely” Christmas consists of the three people you probably love most in the world and who probably love you most, in the comfort of your own home? Get over yourself woman.

Whilst I can understand you being wistful that so many are away, overall you are being very unreasonable because:

1. Your parents can invite who they want for Christmas. How were they supposed to know you may want to randomly stay at their and why do you want them to look ‘interested’? Is that code for wanting them to cancel on their friends and let you stay instead?
2. Maybe your parents are sick of hosting? Why do you and DH never host and do you actually contribute to the cost of the food and help with cooking/cooking?

Are you sure your kids are happy happy visiting lots of extended family over Christmas? They might like being able to see friends who live nearby. There'll be all sorts of fun things you don't usually go to happening where you live. I love not having to travel at Christmas. But if you decide now that it's going to be rubbish just the four of you then it will be. You need to start thinking differently.

Going forwards, your child is going to be desperate to stay at home for Christmas and not dragged around, having to do everyone else’s routines and torn away from stockings and pressies.

This is your chance for the best ever Christmas that people will want to come and visit you for!

Plan the 2 days so it isn’t like a normal weekend day and ENJOY!!!!

Exactly. it's sad and a bit pathetic really that your immediate family isn't enough for you, that you need a whole group of people to feel like it's Christmas. Your kids won't know the difference unless you mope around and make a big deal of it.

YANBU to feel sad. I know how it feels.

YABU to think that it won't be fun at home.

We had 16 years of Christmas Day rushing about to three different houses (not ours). One year we had to spend it just the four of us. That was 2012. Made loads of new traditions. No pressure at all. We love it and now DH says he won't go back to visiting.

Sounds like an ideal Christmas (my fave Christmas was during Covid just me and DH!), I think you need a little perspective. There are so many lonely people at Christmas.

I had always spent Christmas with family until about 5 years ago when circumstances meant we were to be home “alone”. I was a bit disappointed that it wouldn’t feel like Christmas without all this extra bodies but it was wonderful! Really it was. We filled the time around Christmas with panto, Carol concerts, meals out and Christmassy activities. We made our own Christmas cake, mince pies, slow gin, blackberry brandy and gingerbread snowmen in the run up.
Christmas Eve, We had a lovely meal and took a walk followed by a bedtime Christmas movie with hot chocolate and marshmallows. Christmas Day was the usual chaos of presents, food and drink and Boxing Day was new toys, chocolates and movies. It was genuinely one of the best Christmases we have had as a family.
Make some plans, start some new traditions of your own. You’ll be fine!

I had a Christmas issue too op which is on the relationship board.
Other posters made me realise I can have a lovely Christmas just me and my family and you can too! Just plan all the nice lovely things you want to do that's on nearby, buy in delicious food, plan some festive games and films. Once you accept it you can move on to enjoy it.

Personally I’d love a Christmas at home! No need to change out of pjs or comfies. Own pace, own timings. Just me and my favourite people in my favourite place! So much so I’m holding out hope that once just once my parents will go to my brothers in America 😂 I’d miss them but not any more than I would when they are away on holiday normally xxx

YABU and sound silly.

You will have a lovely time , just enjoy a lovely relaxed time.

Thanks for the head wobble!
Hosting isn’t the issue - I always bought the shopping and did most of the cooking while at parents so never took advantage in that regard. Was just used to being in that part of the country at Christmas time to stay a few days and visit extended family.
Absolutely should have “asked “ for certain regarding use of the house however they only confirmed their USA flights in last two weeks so didn’t imagine they would have offered the house to others. But absolutely their choice, take that on board.
Thanks will just consider this as an opportunity for a different type of Christmas and will focus on the time together. Thanks for snapping me out of my self pity party tonight!

As harsh as i may sound i think YABU because so so many people are actually completely all alone at Christmas. Your Christmas sounds wonderful to me 😀

We’ve always done cosy, quiet Christmases at home and it’s absolutely lovely! Obviously you’re not used to it, but that doesn’t mean it has to be awful. This is a great opportunity to try out some new things and have a bit of an adventure.

🎄🎄🎄

Sorry - you think you’ll have a bad Christmas because you’ll just be with your own family?! What?! Ever think about the people who have no family? YABU OP. You’re going to have an amazing Christmas. I spent Christmas and new years last year separated from my daughter and my husband as my daughter caught Covid. I didn’t see them for over 20 days. I was stuck in an awful hotel soon with my son. We made the most of it, I was grateful. You’ll have a nice time Op, you have the people that matter most to you with you.