To be sad about Christmas already..

[Micemice]

Usually spend time over Christmas with my side of family at parents home about 4 hrs away- bring my DH,2 kids and another sibling join from several hours away also. All together happy happy for a few days visiting Extended family and then spend time with DH family either before we go or after we return. This year my parents and sibling are going abroad to visit a family member for a month to USA- mid dec to mid Jan. Unfortunately we cannot afford either the annual leave or the flights to join them, I’m happy they are all able to go and spend time together as wasn’t possible for a few years due to covid. However my DH parents are also away abroad this Christmas period , his 2 siblings and families also all have plans with their in-laws, some going away together etc.
sitting tonight wondering how my husband and 2 kids are going to manage the Christmas period this year- it will be very different being by ourselves in our own home( a first!) .
Brings me to my AIBU ..I made a suggestion previously that we may go stay at my parents home ( I grew up here) for a few nights Christmas week to allow us to visit extended family there however my mother has just informed me she has promised a random friend she rarely sees use of her house over the Xmas period. She’s surprised and not even interested that I was thinking of using the house for a night or two . Aibu to feel put out? Literally all family members have plans most of Christmas week and I am now panicking what our Christmas will look like. Can’t afford to hire/ go away anywhere. Wouldn’t be feasible to drive 4 hrs to visit extended family and return on same day with toddler in tow. Extended family elderly and don’t have space to host overnights.

aibu to feel sad about prospect of quite a lonely Christmas and worry my kids will miss out of time with family/cousins?

yabu- just be thankful for the Christmas you will have together.

thanks if you made it this far!

Aw that's such a nice update op.
But don't let other folk on here make you feel guilty about what you posted.
You're Xmas day is your normal so of course it's going to feel different and disappointing you weren't getting the Christmas you imagined.
But now look! You have turned the page and I just know you're Gona have an amazing Christmas.

For us, MIL sends us all a Christmas Eve box so we always open that and get into our new pyjamas and have our got chocolate, we try to watch Muppets Christmas carol either on Xmas day or Eve.
We always go to some Christmas fayres and visit Santa. Usually plan an early Christmas lunch or dinner out with family and will do on the week leading up to Xmas.
Then for the big day itself you get up whenever you like, we have croissants and bucks fizz, stay in jammies however long we want. Start prepping delicious food. Play with toys.
Relax drink and eat at much as you like. Play some games and watch some Xmas TV.

How old are your children? Due to the lockdowns and other reasons, we've spent the last 3 Christmases at home just us and it will be just us this Christmas too.

Here's some of the things we've enjoyed... farm park trip with Father Christmas visit, hosting a little Christmas jumper party for DC's nursery buddies, doing a fun Christmas shopping trip with hot chocolate and gingerbread to buy a new Christmas decoration each, soft play Christmas party, Christmas-themed disco, local crafting sessions for kids, Christmas light show, long wintry walks and collecting and painting pine cones, carol singing, family carol service, winter trip to the seaside, steam train trip, panto, tree-climbing, cracking icy puddles, Christmas baking and cupcake decorating, making Christmas handprints...

@Micemice you could ask MNHQ to move this thread to the Christmas topic and we could turn it into a lovely, happy Christmas inspiration and planning thread! 🎄🎄🎄

We used to have to travel either to another country or another part of this country every year.

About 10 years ago we stopped and it was a gamechanger. We now LOVE our family Christmas.

Enjoy the planning Op. it'll be an absolute belter

Not having to travel on Christmas Day will be brilliant! Especially for the kids. I would tell them that this Christmas will be extra special as you're spending it together as a family and will play games and have loads of fun together. Its going to be different, but maybe it will better then normal as you'll have more time to relax and do exactly what you want

Thanks everyone brilliant ideas, children are aged 6 and 2 so definitely love some of the crafting ideas, will look out for a carol service, panto / Christmas show and also love the idea of a Christmas Eve box .

@MNHQ could this thread be moved to the Christmas section please. Thanks!

@Micemice I’ve reported it for you and asked for it to be moved, otherwise MNHQ won’t see it. 🎄

Yay your thread has found its rightful home! You’re in safe hands now. 🎄🎄🎄

I know this isn't the point of the thread but I've got to say I LOVED visiting family for Xmas as a child. Much better than staying home.

Sorry 😬

We used to alternate, one xmas at home and one visiting family. I always hated the one visiting family as we were dragged from pillar to post and I just wanted to sit down and read my new books in peace. Parents were always arguing over whose turn it was to drive and whose turn it was to drink and my Nan went into hyperactive planning mode when we came round and you could see the stress.

As soon as I had my first child we made the decision we were not going anywhere, and never have. This is our 13th xmas with kids and sometimes we have family come to us, sometimes it's just the 5 of us.

When it's just us, we spend the whole day in pyjamas, may take a nap, don't go overboard with the meal etc. It really is the best xmas!n

@NiqueNique thank you! It’s been great and turned my stress of last night into a positive!!👏🏻

Hi

@Holly60 there’s always one 🙄😀

I really do see the fun in going elsewhere to meet up with family etc - my childhood christmases were always packed with people - so when I got married and had our first baby and for some reason we had Christmas home alone, I totally panicked! But actually it was really really lovely. Now we have more kids and I wouldn’t want to have Christmas anywhere else - the chaos and bustle is in our home and it’s fab.

YABU to feel put out your mum is lending her home to a friend, especially if she had no idea you wanted to stay there!
YANBU to feel a bit melancholy about the fact it's different to usual, but there's so much potential to make up your own traditions and just spend time together without being cooped up in a car for ages.

I do understand you feeling a bit 'out on a limb'. It's not unreasonable to miss what you have been doing since childhood. But glad you have had a reset and you are now looking forward to a different Christmas this year.

May I suggest you do a bit of early planning. Obviously try to book Santa close to the day, arrange a time and do a trial run for a 'zoom' Christmas card with your family in the US. If your parents have sent gifts, your children can open them on zoom.

For the money you would have spent driving to your parents, maybe book a pantomime for Boxing day. We used to go to a cheesy circus next to the garden centre. Kids loved it. I see you are already looking I to some crafting, but your children will be so happy to wake up and be able to play with their new toys instead of being bundled into a car for hours.

Good luck OP

DH and I both come from big families and always had big, busy Christmas visiting extended family members.

After DC we moved away and have since had quiet Christmas Days just with the four of us....DH, me and our two DDs. I thought it would be strange and flat as it's not what I'm used to but it's absolutely lovely! On the run up to Christmas we visit Santa, go to the panto and drive round our local town with cups of hot chocolate to look at everybody's Christmas lights. On Christmas Day we wake up and DDs open their presents, we call family and then DDs just play all morning with their presents. I cook Christmas dinner and we eat together then go on a walk in the afternoon. We often bump into other people and it's lovely wishing Merry Christmas to the people we pass.

We watch a bit of Christmas TV, the children go to bed and then DH and I just chill out in the evening. I absolutely love our quieter Christmas days now, with all of our home comforts and we can do things on our own terms. No stress.

We try and see family after Christmas, often for New Year where we exchange our presents and it's like a second Christmas all over again which is lovely. It spreads out the gifts for DDs too so they don't get overwhelmed.

I think you may enjoy it. My kids (7 and 5) and my DH had our first Christmas without guests at our house during covid (actually, what country are you in, did you not have covid rules at Xmas 2020?). Anyway, we did decorations, slightly easier food but still Xmas dinner. It was great, we had time to actually spend with the kids.

Many people would love to be in your position - no charging higher and thither, trying to please everybody - a nice relaxed day at home. I’m sure it’ll turn out a lot better than you imagine - 🤞.

What an absolute gift you have been given. The chance to plan a lovely, but also exciting family Christmas with your immediate family.
I would go to town with making your own Christmas family memories. I would start looking on social media for local events that you, your DH and toddler can visit.
Ever since my daughter was born, we've had one of those big fabric advent calendars that you hang on the back of the door. Instead of filling it with presents, we would fill it with simple but exciting festive activities that we can do in the run up to Christmas. I would write out little cards with the activity on and she's always been so excited to see what's in each pocket. I'm still doing this and it's much harder now she's 14!
Here are some ideas:
Breakfast with santa at local cafe/restaurant
Head into town to watch Christmas lights being turned on
Christmas film afternoon
Baking gingerbread cookies
Attending cathedral (or church) on Christmas eve for their wonderful Carol concert - we're not religious at all but this really puts us in the mood for Christmas
Driving around the city/neighbourhood looking for the best decked houses
Having a fancy hot chocolate in a cafe/restaurant
Wrapping up & driving to the beach on Boxing day. Take a fabulous car picnic full of Christmas treats & enjoy

I would use this year as a great opportunity to make your own version of Christmas, & the associated memories that go with it.

Remember to "book" times lots to Facetime your relatives, according to the time zones they are in. That's always nice to look forward to, so the children can show their grandparents how excited they are.
We've also taken the pressure of cooking the big roast on Christmas day too. We often have a fancy afternoon tea style feast that kids love (sandwiches & cakes 😏) on Christmas day, and then we save the roast dinner for another day. It really spaces all the nice bits out, rather than it feeling like everything is over by Christmas day night.
Come back on in December & tell us what you have planned. Enjoy every minute. 🎅

Some of us can only dream of a lovely Christmas just with our other half and kids!! I loved lockdown Christmas for that very reason.

What's wrong with just spending Christmas with just your family.
Think yourself lucky you have them to spend Christmas with.
Try spending Christmas completely on your own as a lot of people have to.
You would have something to moan about then.

Chrismasses at home are lonely they are MAGICAL.

Why would you want to try yourself in knots dragging your kids out to visit people who not be be rude but clearly dont care that much about seeing you.

Relax at home in comfy clothes for as long as you want, let your kids enjoy their gifts, pick and pig out on good food and have COMPLETE control of the TV remote... honestly its the best and the people that TRUELY matter (your partner and kids) are there with you.

*aren't lonely

Please mumsnet an edit button for xmas