To be sad about Christmas already..

[Micemice]

Usually spend time over Christmas with my side of family at parents home about 4 hrs away- bring my DH,2 kids and another sibling join from several hours away also. All together happy happy for a few days visiting Extended family and then spend time with DH family either before we go or after we return. This year my parents and sibling are going abroad to visit a family member for a month to USA- mid dec to mid Jan. Unfortunately we cannot afford either the annual leave or the flights to join them, I’m happy they are all able to go and spend time together as wasn’t possible for a few years due to covid. However my DH parents are also away abroad this Christmas period , his 2 siblings and families also all have plans with their in-laws, some going away together etc.
sitting tonight wondering how my husband and 2 kids are going to manage the Christmas period this year- it will be very different being by ourselves in our own home( a first!) .
Brings me to my AIBU ..I made a suggestion previously that we may go stay at my parents home ( I grew up here) for a few nights Christmas week to allow us to visit extended family there however my mother has just informed me she has promised a random friend she rarely sees use of her house over the Xmas period. She’s surprised and not even interested that I was thinking of using the house for a night or two . Aibu to feel put out? Literally all family members have plans most of Christmas week and I am now panicking what our Christmas will look like. Can’t afford to hire/ go away anywhere. Wouldn’t be feasible to drive 4 hrs to visit extended family and return on same day with toddler in tow. Extended family elderly and don’t have space to host overnights.

aibu to feel sad about prospect of quite a lonely Christmas and worry my kids will miss out of time with family/cousins?

yabu- just be thankful for the Christmas you will have together.

thanks if you made it this far!

It’s pretty sad that you are worrying about having to spent Xmas with only your kids and DH.

I live really near to lots of family but we insist on Xmas day being just the 4 of us at home. I love it. No arguing over whose turn it is and no dragging the kids away from their toys. I cook what we want to eat and I drink prosecco for breakfast.

Jesus I wish my mum would piss off at Christmas so it wasn’t our responsibility to host for once! Covid Christmas was my favourite one I’ve ever had, slow start to the day, presents opened by the fire, out for a walk with some (socially distanced!) family, home for a lazily timed scaled down Christmas dinner and drinks with our neighbours in the garden in the evening, so funny all being outside by the fire pit all wrapped up but slightly squiffy and happy!
your kids will not have a crappy day if you show them you can have fun together. You might decide it’s the way forward.

Don't drag a toddler for a total of 8 driving journey! That's nuts. Enjoy your relaxing Christmas. Its not compulsory to spend Christmas with extended family. If you are really close you will arrange a stay over at a bnb etc at another time of year surely.
Make the most of it.

I'm the opposite! Dreading being invited anywhere for Christmas this year because I don't want to have to travel again. We just want a nice time with the four of us at home. We work shifts so are lucky to have Christmas off this year - we have Xmas eve and day off and are back to work boxing day onwards. I don't want to spend my time off packing and unpacking and driving around ... fingers crossed we can stay at home!

I love family get togethers at Christmas so completely understand how you feel. However it is only one Christmas, it will be different but can still be fun.

Think of it as cosy, relaxed, chilled. I would make tasty but easy food. Buy in everyones favourite snacks and settle in for the day. Maybe a walk, or film.

Christmas at home is heaven. I love it. Try an enjoy it!!! Or just endure it and then go to bed, it's only one day!!

@Micemice would it help to have some insight into how others do their cosy Christmases at home? Might give you some ideas as to what you’d like to do.

I think your mum can quite reasonably lend her home to a friend without having to check with anyone else.

Surely this is a chance for you to create some Christmas traditions of your own. Ring the changes.

There will be four of you, a family together, and you view this as lonely/crap?!?

For me, not having to schlep about from house to house visiting people would be my ideal Xmas.

And the house thing - if you didn't ask, you can't expect family members to keep their houses empty for your convenience.

Celebrate the positives. No having to be on roads with middle lane hoggers and others unfit to drive, 100% your choice of food, being able to walk locally with little traffic about and meet the local dog walkers, etc etc.

I don't think you are being weird, and I would be sad too. A lot of people on here don't like their family, don't really want to spend time with them, dream of staying at home seeing nobody, and insist that is what their children want too. But for people who come from a family who usually enjoy spending a big happy Christmas together, a quiet Christmas sounds flat and disappointing. But it is just for one year so vive la difference - do all the stuff that doesn't have a place in your usual Christmas, and you may enjoy yourselves just as much.

I’ll start! For now I’ll do Christmas Day itself.

We always have a long, leisurely breakfast - usually croissants and coffee (I get the frozen all-butter ones and bake them on the day), as well as German grain bread with scrambled eggs and smoked salmon. Champagne (or other sparkling wine) or Buck’s Fizz. When the children were younger they had orange juice out of fancy glasses. They were also allowed to have chocolate for breakfast. After breakfast they’d play for hours. We’d just chill and relax and read or watch something. Now we’re all adults so we play board games or do a puzzle, or watch a Christmas film or an old classic film.

We have our dinner later (around 4 or 5), so we just put out a selection of mince pies, chocolates, biscuits, nuts, etc and everyone helps themselves throughout the day. Anyone who gets a little peckish can help themselves to cheese and charcuterie if needed. Lots of drinks available!

I start cooking when I feel like it, and it’s done when it’s done. It’s lovely to just chill, no stress about anything, no fuss and no effort, really - no timings to fit in with others’ plans or extraneous circumstances. Our dinner is fairly simple: I do canapés about an hour before, in lieu of a starter. Then the roast and accompaniments. We don’t usually have a pudding after - we save it for the evening once everyone’s had time to properly digest their dinner!

We always try to go out for a walk round the neighbourhood once it’s dark (weather permitting). It’s really lovely to see others out and about doing the same thing, and everyone’s in a happy mood. The lights are always lovely and there’s a sort of peace that descends on everyone. ❤️

In the evening we watch Die Hard. 🎄

I’ll come back later with some suggestions of what to do in days leading up to the big day. Keep it low-key, keep it cheap or free, keep it stress-free, is my mantra! Especially when you’re having to do Christmas differently to what you’re used to there can be a temptation to over-compensate by throwing money at it but in my opinion it actually detracts from making it more special.

Also want to add that I’m from a BIG family so it’s not that I don’t love that side of things too. But when my children were little and I was a single parent we lived far away from my family and when me and DH got together he also lived far away from his family. So we have made our own lovely Christmases over the years with our little unit and the circumstances we had. The most important thing is not to be too wedded to how it ‘should be’ or how it’s ‘always been’ - there can be joy in everything, no matter how you’re celebrating. 🎄

aibu to feel sad about prospect of quite a lonely Christmas

Op, with the best will in the world, you’re not facing a lonely Christmas. There are people literally on their own most of the time, to whom Christmas won’t be anything special, because they’ll still be on their own on Christmas Day. No human interaction at all.
Enjoy Christmas with your immediate family, like millions do!

aibu to feel sad about prospect of quite a lonely Christmas and worry my kids will miss out of time with family/cousins?
It's quite probable you are the only one in the family who thinks they are missing out. You DC will no doubt have a great time opening their presents in their own home and not being dragged miles away to go round meeting other people when they would rather spend time playing and chilling.

Your DH is probably secretly delighted.

And the Big Christmas family get together is obviously not so sacrosanct to your parents since they are the ones who are shoving off abroad.

This is many people's idea of a perfect Christmas. Time to start making your own traditionn. You may find you all enjoy it so much you would be reluctant to go back to the old routine another year.

Enjoy your Xmas at home with your dh and the kids. You might all love it and you may not have it again.

Thanks for all the feedback, it’s interesting as this will be the first year in my almost 40 years that I haven’t spent Christmas day travelling/ out visiting. As a young child we left the house early morning and spent the day travelling around different family members/ cousins and then came home at 5/6pm for our own presents and dinner - not a big lavish affair. I didn’t overly enjoy this as a child and to be honest in later teens felt sad that we couldn’t spend time together at home like all the families we were visiting, somehow I’ve fallen into replicating this with my own family now!
For those of you asking are my own immediate family not enough- that’s given me food for thought actually because as a child my parents didn’t spend much time with us , playing etc no board games together or Christmas movies etc and to be honest I feel we were out visiting half the country for their benefit as they didn’t want to be stuck at home all day with us, they would have made comments as such.
Now I see that I’ve unintentionally reflected that in my own life despite absolutely loving my children and genuinely enjoying their company, I’d hate them to think we had to go out or that I didn’t want to play with them! sorry for the deep turn there but my little pity party last night and everyones feedback has made me realised that actually this year is a positive and an opportunity for change! For those of you commenting that so many are genuinely lonely at Christmas and feel I was being insensitive to this many apologies I absolutely know this is the case and don’t take what I have for granted.
So thanks for all the feedback I will focus on planning a lovely few days, maybe making decorations together , nice food
( we didn’t have super elaborate “Christmas “ food growing up as we were out visiting all day!) and plan some movies and games together . Any suggestions of things you enjoy doing together please feel free to share!

Mumsnet rhetoric is always that leaving your house at Christmas is dragging your children, that all they want is to stay at home and play with toys, that "cosy Christmas" with "your own little family" and "new traditions" is the best and only way.

I have done both through necessity and through choice and absolutely 100% prefer being with extended family. The adolescent/cusp of adulthood children in my house agree and when asked each year to check their preference, say they really, really want to be with their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins.

There is nothing wrong with having a preference and op, plenty of people understand your preference but not necessarily on MN. Deriding other people's preferences, criticising and making assumptions isn't really in the Christmas spirit.

You will have a lovely Christmas with just your very nearest and dearest and it is brilliant that people want to suggest ways to do that. I've enjoyed the very same with my family. Did we have a great time? Yes, with bells on. Were we glad to return to the previous way of doing things? Absolutely.

Merry Christmas when it comes op. It'll be a corker 🙂

We normally go to inlaws but they are away. I can't wait for a Christmas just the 4 of us at home 😊 We've done it before and I love it.

Look at it differently. You have been given an opportunity to have a fun filled xmas with your own nuclear family. You can start some new traditions. You can obviously videocall family on the day and exchange presents with them earlier. You can go to town on decorating your own home letting the kids decide on which family movies and the like they want to watch. Play games, wear xmas pjs or jumpers all day long. You can leliterally do anything you want. It isn't the Christmas you are used to but who knows it could be even better!

*literally even.

Nice update OP. I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas together.

Glad you are feeling more positive now, OP. Think of it as being able to have exactly the Christmas you want without having to work to anybody else’s timetable. You might all like it better! Get the kids roped in with the planning, they are sure to get excited about that.

I like your update OP, and I'm glad you've been able to link what you have.