To be sad about Christmas already..

[Micemice]

Usually spend time over Christmas with my side of family at parents home about 4 hrs away- bring my DH,2 kids and another sibling join from several hours away also. All together happy happy for a few days visiting Extended family and then spend time with DH family either before we go or after we return. This year my parents and sibling are going abroad to visit a family member for a month to USA- mid dec to mid Jan. Unfortunately we cannot afford either the annual leave or the flights to join them, I’m happy they are all able to go and spend time together as wasn’t possible for a few years due to covid. However my DH parents are also away abroad this Christmas period , his 2 siblings and families also all have plans with their in-laws, some going away together etc.
sitting tonight wondering how my husband and 2 kids are going to manage the Christmas period this year- it will be very different being by ourselves in our own home( a first!) .
Brings me to my AIBU ..I made a suggestion previously that we may go stay at my parents home ( I grew up here) for a few nights Christmas week to allow us to visit extended family there however my mother has just informed me she has promised a random friend she rarely sees use of her house over the Xmas period. She’s surprised and not even interested that I was thinking of using the house for a night or two . Aibu to feel put out? Literally all family members have plans most of Christmas week and I am now panicking what our Christmas will look like. Can’t afford to hire/ go away anywhere. Wouldn’t be feasible to drive 4 hrs to visit extended family and return on same day with toddler in tow. Extended family elderly and don’t have space to host overnights.

aibu to feel sad about prospect of quite a lonely Christmas and worry my kids will miss out of time with family/cousins?

yabu- just be thankful for the Christmas you will have together.

thanks if you made it this far!

My DH grew up alternating and hated being dragged around too, I grew up with no family really and love my little at home xmas with my mam.

Now we deliberately wouldnt go anywhere, being dragged around sounds like a nightmare to me.

I also remember young adult xmases where all the loose ends got together for a 'big' xmas and I hated it we where always so on edge, no one agreed on food/tv/routine and it always ended in drunk arguments.

Yabu for feeling put out that you can’t borrow your mum’s house for xmas. It would suck anyway without parents there.

Yanbu for being sad that you don’t have any family socialising planned for Christmas. Do you have any friends, or friends of DC, who you can invite round for lunch in xmas week (or do loads of playdates and days out) to make it feel more festive? I’ve only done the ‘just us at home no guests’ for xmas once, and I’m trying hard not to do it again, so I do see the problem!

Think yourself lucky you have parents, in laws, siblings etc for some of us every Christmas is alone without family.

Lonely? Seriously? 😳 Yeah being with your family at Christmas is far more than a lot of people are going to get this year.
Get a sense of perspective.

I understand OP. Our first Christmas away from family felt very odd, but since then I have grown to love quiet Christmases. No pressure to drag DC around, or make them dress up or behave.

Ask your mum if you could share their house with her friend for a night, so you can catch up with family. I'm sure that could work out, if you take the spare room.

Hi all thought I’d give an update on our Christmas plans based on some of your great suggestions. Firstly again just want to reiterate that I know we are so fortunate to have what we have and family so I did not in any way want to offend anyone by my post. I apologise if I did. This was initially a post done in a time of high emotions. I was thankful for all the suggestions people gave and now I am so looking forward to Christmas , things planned for the next few weeks - all low cost or free- visiting a garden centre nearby that have great light display and decorations and sell hot chocolate outside and they also have reindeer and a few animals in the farm next door that you can visit , going to a showing of the kids fav Christmas movie for a charity donation- Santa will be there, walk around a night light show in nearby town, making ginger bread cookies with my son, making some paper decorations, beach walk on st Stephen’s day , seeing a friend and kids on Christmas Eve and perhaps a school friend of my sons later in week . Christmas Eve gifts organised- pjs and a few Christmas art things and some chocolate. Food for Christmas Day - only making the things we all want so If kids want hot dogs then so be it, will make a ham for myself and partner. Going to have a nice pancake breakfast the following morning.
We have been doing some Christmas things already - made a homemade advent banner with my son, made some salt doh decorations for tree, tried out a few cookies recipes with son so he can decide what he wants to make for Christmas. We’ve also done a drive around looking at Christmas lights and brought a flask of hot chocolate with us and had it in the car which caused much excitement. Made a wreath and table centre piece of leftover bits and pieces of material and foliage from garden/ forest. Bought some gifts for local gift appeal ,donated these and the charity had a drop off point with a Santa that kids could get photos with which was lovely.
All of these things I mentioned were very low cost which is also great. Thank you to you all and hope you all have a good Christmas whatever this looks like for you .

@Micemice

❤️❤️❤️ Wonderful! Wishing you and your family a continued peaceful and happy Christmas season! 🎄🎄🎄

How old are your children OP? Like pp have said it might be a great opportunity to spend some time together just the few of you. If you aren't used to it though make sure you plan a few things so you don't get cabin fever. Doesn't have to be complicated or expensive things but stuff to get you out of the house or things to do together.

If the kids are small, it could be days at the park or playground..

Watching a movie together

Baking cake, pizza, bread together.

Crafts

Book club

Going around the neighbourhood to see christmas lights.

Sounds absolutely lovely!! 😊

We always do Christmas at home just the 5 of us and we all love it. It's far more relaxed, kids get to stay in their pyjamas and play with their toys, we eat the food we want to eat. On Christmas Eve we walk round our estate which is always lit up as everyone has lights outside the house and when we get back the Christmas Eve box is out. Just sell it to the kids as an exciting thing and make some new traditions. I honestly would never go back to a big family Christmas day. Much prefer meeting up around Christmas. Christmas day is ours spent in our home.

This. You’re not 8 years old, you don’t need to be at your parents house for Christmas you’re an adult, just have Christmas Day in your own home and make the dinner etc.

Why do you never spend xmas with your in laws out of interest?

Why do people not RTFT?? Or at least all OP’s comments...

(don’t know why I bother to say that; it’s never going to change!)

When children were little we spent every Christmas just us and the 3 children, as OH (a medic) was always on duty either on the day, or Boxing Day and Christmas Eve. It was great - we loved it!!

Just enjoy!!

My in laws usually spend Christmas abroad as 3 of their children live away, they see their other children ( including us) in the UK throughout the year so most years ( bar covid Christmas’) they are away. That is why we are used to spending time with my parents and side of family at Christmas, given the fact they live 4 hrs drive away we do not see them regularly at all through the year so Christmas together is appreciated.

We are all happy and settled with this years plans now thanks to those posters who were helpful and commented advice and support.

My home is my adult children's home. They can turn up any time they like. I think many parents feel the same.

I LOVED big family christmases as a child. Loved the party atmosphere, loved hearing my parents and aunties and uncles roaring with laughter together as I snuggled under the covers with my cousins and sibling.

Loved the HUGE pile of presents under the tree because there were so many people.

Loved the journey and how we played games and sung Christmas songs together.

We had a couple of small family unit christmases in my childhood and they were by far my least favourite.

@Micemice
Hey your so far Christmassy trips sound d fab

I'm sure you will absolutely love the more laid back and more time with your dc over the festive period and it will make you want to do that more often

We stopped the hectic mess and driving round visiting years ago now and we love our Xmas

Going forwards, your child is going to be desperate to stay at home for Christmas and not dragged around, having to do everyone else’s routines and torn away from stockings and pressies

Not true - I loved the big Christmases and going to all the different houses and taking part in all the different routines. I have the richest memories of those Christmases, and I have no doubt the OP and her family will enjoy them just as much in future.

But her plans for this year sound lovely too!

This. Also could you not organise a visit to your parents soon? You could have a second Xmas with them.

im rather with you re your parents letting someone have use of their house. I would feel they should have checked with you first, they must know how much you’d have to readjust and could have thought of you first.

@sue20 totally agree with you about the house offer, in context of everything said about distance, extended family, the help and cooking OP has done for many Christmases.

I would have been as upset as you OP. It would have been a double shock initially - everyone going away, then not allowed the continuity/opportunity to see extended family where you grew up.

I’m so in awe of how you turned this around though!

I enjoyed big Christmases when I was young, but extended family lived nearby. We’re all so spread out now that with our DC we stopped any travelling about for Christmas itself after youngest was 2, but saw family and friends before or after.

How did Christmas at home turn out?

YABU
Mum had already offered the house.
mot would be wrong to cancel them at Christmas.
You’ll be at home for Xmas - lovely.

Happy new year to you all!
thought I’d give you an update - Christmas was so lovely , we had a brilliant week together. It was a lovely change not having to rush out to be somewhere,dressed up etc. had a really relaxed few days at home and saw some friends and enjoyed each others company - arguing children as usual but that’s the norm! Saw less people / structured plans than expected due to kids sickness but that’s ok. Thanks for all your ideas and comments and hope you all got through the festive period safety and happily xx

Nothing like a Christmas at home. Never going back me.