How to tell child the truth about Santa

[lovepops]

Hello,

My child has started secondary school this year and when asked if she still believes in Santa she has said yes.

I don't want to break her heart, however I'm very conscious that if other children at 'big school' realise she believes, they will be unkind.

Has anybody else been in this situation before? Did you break the news? If so how did you do it?

Thanks 🎅🏽

Adults believe in God which is just as illogical as Santa 🤷🏻‍♀️

My (young)10 year old is questioning and asked the other day if I believe - a departure from the usual
her- "is he real"
me- "what do you think?"
that we've had to date.

We had an (ambigous) discussion about Santa representing the magic and excitement of Christmas, and that yes, I absolutely believe in that. I didn't explicitly tell her the truth though. Because of where we live she won't move to high school till she's 12, but I'm hoping to stick with believing in the magic and excitement as being the important thing, and move into elements of the "you are now old enough to become a santa" strategy before she actually starts at senior school, to make sure she definitely knows!!

Mine have never asked, my 21 year old today if asked would agree he is real. My 4 have big age gaps so lots of magic over the years of older two getting younger two all excited it’s really lovely.

Older 2 now also have much younger siblings with their dad so it’ll continue on. I think they just enjoy the magic however I totally understand what you mean re your daughter and high school. My son goes next year too, 11 Asd/adhd and I don’t want to have to say anything to him but may have a chat about it prior. It’s hard as I don’t want to take away anything from him, he may know but he gets upset easily. I hope you find a way op, your daughter sounds lovely ☺️

And millions tortured, executed and murdered based on such beliefs.

Ghosts?
Aliens?
Devil?
Angels?

Yet a child that believes in Santa is looked down on or doubted.

Not dickish at all, especially after the drip feed that her daughter does actually have SEN..

Because all Autistics think the same and have the same feelings and oppions 🙄

One of my DDs was still a fervent believer at age 10. I thought since she was one of the younger ones of five that surely her older siblings would have let her in on the secret, or someone in school would have.

I brought it up with her teacher at the parent teacher conferences in October as a kind of a funny story and the teacher said she had noticed many of the kids in the class seemed to accept without question that the big man was real. Anyway, I let her go through that last Christmas and told her in January, asking her not to tell anyone else in her class or her younger sibling.

I think I told her something along the lines of - Santa is a story we tell children so that they can have the most wonderful surprise on Christmas morning and they can see for themselves that the world is a beautiful and benevolent place and that they are loved. I probably didn't use the word benevolent.

She was clearly gobsmacked but she promised not to tell and off she went. She returned a bit later and asked, "What about the Easter Bunny??!!" And when I said yep, that was me, she said, "And the Tooth Fairy???!!!" Her mind was truly blown.

There's a nice bit in one of the Little House books - On the Banks of Plum Creek, I think - where Ma explains to Mary and Laura that Santa Claus isn't "real" in the way they had believed. She frames it very much as people being kind to each other.

I read your message that your daughter likes to write to Santa and I just wanted to say that even after you have had the chat with her - allow her to continue to do Christmas her way (if she wants to). My older son (who knows) will still visit Santa with his younger cousins and choose a gift. Still gets some gifts "love santa".

If your daughter wants to still write to santa, sprinkle reindeer food or leave out mince pies then do it. You can all have fun playing along.

It might be a nice xmas tradition now she is older to go to the supermarket with a small budget for the foodbank and encouraging her to think what a family would like (if you don't already do this of course) My son has pocket money savings in the bank so we paid £10 each to learn about giving to others. Or she could choose a toy for a toy appeal.

Even though mine are 13, 16 and 19 they will always have stockings put in their bedrooms that they open at 4am then come downstairs to some presents under the tree all with labels from Santa.

I believe you, OP.

Don’t ruin the magic for her- just leave it a bit longer. My parents never told me, I just gradually worked it out.

Children usually have enough sense to know when to keep quiet about things around others, so provided she’s got a degree of social awareness she’ll probably just keep quiet if it’s talked about.

I had to tell my dd at 12, and will have to do the same with my son now he is 12. Some kids absolutely do still believe, and my daughter defended Father Christmas' honour to the point of it almost turning physical in year 5 lol. I think I've just done too good a job at prolonging the magic, but I wouldn't have it any other way!

I wonder if the current cohort of tweens want to hold onto the magic a bit longer given what they’ve been through the last few years?
my 10yo has twigged about the tooth fairy but still puts a tooth and a note with a question on it under her pillow every time. I will stop when she finishes Primary by which time she should have most of her adult teeth!!
Father Christmas is a bit more difficult I think … my son is in year 8 and still did a Santa letter. I have been wondering how to broach the subject too.

Kids who are bullies will always find some way to cruel. Honestly, don't ruin it for her. She will figure it out when she is ready 💕

Haven’t read any recent updates, but wanted to respond to all the negative comments. My 10yo DD found out a few days ago and was devastated, no SEN or other issues.

This weekend I had the opportunity to talk to many parents and teachers from my DDs school. One parent with Yr7, Yr6 & Yr4 children said all his children 100% believed, him and his wife had been discussing whether to tell their 12yo or wait till after Christmas, no SEN or other issues and both parents primary school teachers. Although their oldest is in high school, it apparently hasn’t come up. Two other parents of YR6 children asked me to make sure my DD did NOT tell their children. My DDs Yr6 teacher, the School councillor and HT also said many many year 6s believe and it’s not as talked about in schools as parents think. One parent I don’t actually get on with almost pleaded with me to make sure my DD didn’t say anything. Given her DD is in the main Yr6 clique I was actually surprised as I suspected most of that Clique knew ( purely because they always seem more “mature” and care more about fashion than toys) absolutely my bad! But obviously not.

Sorry that just cannot be true. NT 12 year olds absolutely believing in Father Christmas - parents are kidding themselves.

🥱

My mum told me the story of St Nicholas who was kind and generous and helped poor people and families. She explained that the tradition of Santa Clause came the tradition of celebrating St Nicholas and we give presents to honour the act of giving and generosity that St Nicholas displayed.

Below is a link to an interesting article about St Nicholas.

www.britannica.com/biography/Saint-Nicholas

FWIW, one of my older boys still fully believed when he was about to turn 12. I broke the news gently because I didn't want him being teased at school. I told him that Santa wasn't just a jolly guy in a red coat, that he represents the spirit of Christmas and it is up to all of us to keep the spirit alive by doing things for those around us without expecting anything in return. I then let him ask me anything he wanted to about Santa, Christmas, presents etc. I could see the penny dropping and him making sense of what was going on. He has a younger brother so we discussed keeping what he now knew to himself until his brother was ready to understand what was going on. Which happened this year when the youngest announced that he knows that I am Santa and that it's me who moves the elf. He's 9 but much more mature than his brother!

Not sure how you all "do" Santa but my parents always did "here are the presents from friends and family, Santa will bring extra mystery presents on the night before Christmas". I did that with my teen.
In all cases we still did it even after everyone stopped believing in Santa. I even came in late one Christmas Eve and tripped over my Santa presents.
I have told my 15 year old (as my parents told me) as long as you have Christmas Eve/Day at our house , Santa will come. And we all have a laugh about it.

www.stnicholascenter.org/who-is-st-nicholas
this might be helpful

we had a chat about how Christmas was a magical time, and that Father Christmas was the personification of the magic for the littleuns, a way for them to visualise and experience it...so although he isn't real, Christmas magic is- whether it's found in ancient tales, songs, candle light, or the stars.

This is literally my favourite wording on this topic; I've been putting together a note on my laptop of how I'd like to break the news to the DC as I would like to have a proper conversation around it, and this is exactly how I feel too.

I've also added a bit about how people have for ages and ages celebrated Midwinter and how amazing it is for us all to still be carrying out those traditions.

Ds12 year8 says that he still believes in Santa but also added that he is probably the only kid in his school who believes...

I know this is old but I have my 12 year old, non SEN child, upstairs crying because tiktok said santa isn't real. Came looking for suggestions and discovered so many people saying they can't possibly believe beyond 6 years old 😳

@Alouema2 tell him the origins.
The story of St Nickolas - who was a real person - and how the story of him evolved in the Father Christmas we have today 🙂

I know it was shocking wasn't it. Forgot I had this and only come back on here this week so how strange!

It turns out infact she did believe. Was extremely sad when I told her, did the whole were all santa etc.

I can't believe so many children don't believe from 6. Only 6 christmas days as santa breaks me!