How to tell child the truth about Santa

[lovepops]

Hello,

My child has started secondary school this year and when asked if she still believes in Santa she has said yes.

I don't want to break her heart, however I'm very conscious that if other children at 'big school' realise she believes, they will be unkind.

Has anybody else been in this situation before? Did you break the news? If so how did you do it?

Thanks 🎅🏽

Theres a massive difference between 'lying' and 'fantasy'.

If you want to go that route then role play, kids films/cartoons, books and everything else is a 'lie'.

Hope you dont let your kids watch toy story or take them to disneyland or anything because those are all 'lies' too.

The world would be massively dull if there was nothing but straight up facts.

I just don't understand why so many stop believing so early. There was a little girl at school that worked it out at 5 and told DD1 but I managed to keep it going until she was 12. She then kept it going for my younger 2. Where I work we have a volunteer who is 23 with additional needs who still firmly believes which we totally respect.

My oldest always thought the fairy concept was stupid, 100% never believed and would role his eyes at any mention of it from about 3 onwards (didnt know before that)... like I said people are funny in what they choose to enjoy but everyone should get to make that choice themselves.

We never forced the tooth fairy on him since he hated the concept, instead he wanted to collect his teeth... suppose it saved us a few quid lol.

@mam0918
I see your point.
I absolutely love Disney
I think it all magical.
But I never believe a person could transform into a dragon, even as a child.
My kids must have watched them all - many times.

Years ago it was said Tom and Jerry was too violent but we , as kids , knew that it wasn't real.

I had a niece who had to be told. Her mom took her on a special 1-1 outing and explained it to her. She presented it as letting her in on the secret and letting her be part of the fun of making Christmas magic for others. This was easy because there were younger siblings. Mom also explained that the daughter would still be getting gifts and the game would continue, she would just know the secret now. If there are no younger siblings, it can be a good time to do an adopt a child scheme or even just ask your child if there is someone they know who needs some extra Christmas magic this year and do something special for that person.

When our dd admitted to us that she had stopped believing years before, she asked that the adults start getting stockings. That way we all get something and she can come up with ideas for them too.

I think if we don’t want kids to figure it out, there needs to be a line of Christmas toys and products that don’t say “made in China” on them.

Saint Nicholas is actually very real and he is a saint - Santa is based off him so technically Your daughter is right. In regards to santa with a red or green suit and a big white beard which was romanticised by a Coca-Cola of course that’s not real

I wld explain Who Saint Nicholas was and his deeds are, also saying that he doesn’t really come down the chimney and leave presents

Depends on your religious beliefs

Not sure how you "do" Santa. My way was to have "Santa" presents and family / friends presents. Santa presents were ones that mysteriously appeared in her room delivered by Santa when she fell asleep an Christmas Eve. Family presents were put in front of the tree in the run up to Christmas duly labelled.
That way, even when she stopped believing, she still got Santa surprise presents. This is how my parents did it. As long as I spent Christmas in their home, no matter my age, Santa presents would come. On more than one occasion when I was a young adult, I would trip over them when I came in from the pub/club on Christmas Eve and my parents had already gone to bed.
My mother-in-law had this weird "Santa provides a UPS-style delivery service for other people's presents ". I put a stop to her attempts to use that nonsense with my dd on her first Christmas

My DC also still believed when they started in yr7, no SEN. Within a few weeks of starting secondary they lost their last tooth and I couldn't let them go into school talking about the tooth fairy. We didn't swap the tooth for a coin overnight so they'd realise it was us and explained it had been us all along.

I left it a few weeks and then had to have another talk about father Christmas and the elves, I think they were most upset the elves weren't real!! We must have been very convincing! They hadn't twigged even after I explained about the tooth fairy!

We had a talk about the fun of believing and how they enjoyed it. They took it well and were excited to keep the secret for their younger cousins. They weren't too upset and I'm glad I told them rather than let them say something at school and get teased.

I also said that Santa is real but he's not able to deliver presents to the whole world but can be seen at the North Pole where he lives if we ever have enough money to go.

In our house Santa still delivers stockings to their room and some presents downstairs. Any presents from family are already under the tree 🌲

I told my son that St Nicolas was a real person- posting gold coins through letterboxes/down chimneys to the poor at xmas I think and that that's where Santa comes from but the "Santas" are the people that love you showing you their love at Christmas. My big son has his little brother so I told him he can choose something for his brother to be "santa". He was asked to play along and not spoil it for other children.

He wasn't overly fussed by it but I think he already had an inkling.

My youngest has Autism and is very young for his age. We haven’t had the talk about Father Christmas as we haven’t wanted to break his heart. He goes to a special school. I think he just says he believes in FC to keep the magic going and for the fun. My eldest, who also has autism and finds it very hard to lie, has found it very difficult not to blurt the truth out.

I think most children, even if they have SEN will work it out.

I know what people mean by not wanting to ruin the magic

Mines 11. He's quite used to living in the real world - thoughtful, articulate, incredibly aware of what's going on in the world both personally, locally & internationally. I had to confirm 3 weeks ago that FC doesn't exist. But then, I suppose I like to keep children children and not become mini-adults that need to reject everything magical or joyful from their lives.

Really sorry you've had such shitty responses OP. I'm in a similar position with a SEN child of the same age and struggling to deal with it. Same with the tooth fairy. It's so difficult, you don't want to burst their bubble but you don't want to make them a target of ridicule either. I'm going to have to bite the bullet I think ☹️

www.journeyofparenthood.com/explaining-santa-to-older-child/

Maybe this OP.

When do they start teaching science and geography and such in schools? That might be a clue. A child might start to question how one man can encircle the globe in one night, etc.

In my case, I began to question it when I realized that the quality and quantity of Santa's presents corresponded fairly closely with the financial circumstances of families.

I've been through this twice! When DD asked if Father Christmas was real, I asked her what she thought, and she said 'I think he's going the same way as the tooth fairy!' 🙄
Anyway, we had a chat about how Christmas was a magical time, and that Father Christmas was the personification of the magic for the littleuns, a way for them to visualise and experience it...so although he isn't real, Christmas magic is- whether it's found in ancient tales, songs, candle light, or the stars. (And believing in the magic means you can still take part in the Father Christmas ritual and have a stocking!).
It was gentle, comforting, and in my opinion true. Even when I've been thoroughly miserable, I've always found a little magic.

Me too Seneca! If Father Christmas was so lovely why did my friend and her siblings who had very indulgent wealthier parents get far better stockings than us? And we got stuff I know my mum approved of….

Unless SN I would struggle to believe a child would get to secondary school genuinely believing. They are having you on!

She’s saying she still believes in Santa to humour you, and she knows it will get her extra pressies. Kids aren’t daft.

Wow I can't believe some of the horrible replies.

I completely understand what you're saying OP. We had to break DS in gently with the Easter Bunny!!! This was in Year 6, then we carried that conversation on about childhood magic and growing up until we felt we could tackle Santa.

We were very gentle, but he was utterly heartbroken. Thing is, he quickly bounced back and realised the benefits in that we could now talk about Christmas lists and gifts more openly.

We didn't want him starting secondary being teased about it, so were happy we'd tackled it when we did.

Good luck

Father Christmas IS real.

Oh god don't tell her. You'll ruin Christmas for her. Just let her find out naturally through conversations with her peers.