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Original poster

How to tell child the truth about Santa

125 replies

lovepops · 09/10/2022 22:05

Hello,

My child has started secondary school this year and when asked if she still believes in Santa she has said yes.

I don't want to break her heart, however I'm very conscious that if other children at 'big school' realise she believes, they will be unkind.

Has anybody else been in this situation before? Did you break the news? If so how did you do it?

Thanks 🎅🏽

OP posts:
Original poster
lovepops · 09/10/2022 22:21

Jesus I can't actually believe some of the comments on here tonight.

Just because children around you don't believe it doesn't mean it is the same for every child. I work with children and know many children that still believe at an older age.

I don't know why people have to have an opinion on that. 🤦🏽‍♀️

I myself still believe up until I was 10, it was only because I saw my dad bringing in the stocking that I stopped.

OP posts:
Original poster
lovepops · 09/10/2022 22:22

ThisIsNotThePostYourLookingFor · 09/10/2022 22:21

Thank you so much! 😊

OP posts:
baxtersm · 09/10/2022 22:22

I had to tell both my boys before they started big school - my first actually left a tooth under his pillow for the tooth fairy the night before he started, that's how innocent he was! I think it's great that they get to 11 still believing as it shows they've kept their innocence to a certain extent! Anyway as for telling them I set them down and told them there was something we had to discuss and explained it to them! The oldest cried his eyes out and the younger one just laughed! It also helped that they have younger siblings so I promised they could help 'be Santa'!

modgepodge · 09/10/2022 22:22

I once taught y6 and a girl who had older siblings and I thought was pretty streetwise (and no SEN 🙄) came to me in tears - one of the other kids had just told her Santa wasn’t real and she literally hadn’t ever heard that before. I didn’t know what to say!! So it does happen sometimes that older kids don’t know. I was in y5/6 before I even remember a discussion about him not being real, though I do think kids grow up younger these days!!

sorry, no advice but do it sooner rather than later to avoid a repeat of my story above!!

FannyCann · 09/10/2022 22:23

I did it unintentionally by virtue of my general disorganisation. DD noticed that Santa used the same wrapping paper as me. And there was a roll of it in my cupboard. Somehow "what a funny coincidence" didn't pass muster.

Seems as good a way as any.

Original poster
lovepops · 09/10/2022 22:23

baxtersm · 09/10/2022 22:22

I had to tell both my boys before they started big school - my first actually left a tooth under his pillow for the tooth fairy the night before he started, that's how innocent he was! I think it's great that they get to 11 still believing as it shows they've kept their innocence to a certain extent! Anyway as for telling them I set them down and told them there was something we had to discuss and explained it to them! The oldest cried his eyes out and the younger one just laughed! It also helped that they have younger siblings so I promised they could help 'be Santa'!

Aw bless them! My daughter left a tooth too just before the end of the school holidays! She's just so young and innocent and I hate the fact I have to be the bearer of bad news.

Unfortunately she is an only child so I can't use that one!

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Needmorelego · 09/10/2022 22:26

But he WAS real if you go by the story of St Nicholas. So she is right to believe in him. You just have to say that of course St Nicholas lived 100s of years ago so people of today are just following his story.

ThisIsNotThePostYourLookingFor · 09/10/2022 22:28

I used that story with my DD but did admit that obviously St Nick did exist but it was eons ago and the world got so big that adults kept up the role for the magic to survive. I gave her a mission to find someone outside of our family/friends circle and be a Santa for them. She’s very excited!

goldfinchonthelawn · 09/10/2022 22:36

My DC told me they still believed aged 11 and so I pushed them on it as I was worried they would be teased at secondary. Turned out they knew from about age 9 or 10 but thought I still believed and didn't want to spoil it for me. Not sure they'd thought that one through... Grin

Ydkiml · 09/10/2022 22:46

I had the exact same dilemma as my daughter was starting secondary school back in September too . I decided to tell her for the same reasons . I simply said , I’ve something to tell you , I’m so sorry to have lied to you all this time but I think you should know that santas not real . We buy the presents . I’m really sorry sweetheart. She started crying and said , I didn’t believe but hearing it from you makes it so final . I was gutted ! But she was over it within a day and now finds it quite good that she knows the secret ! Good luck but I think it’s best she knows .

Singleandproud · 09/10/2022 22:55

I've put my foot in it more than once with Yr 7s at school so it's not true that they don't believe.

I found 10 to be a great age to put the is he real / is he not questions to bed. Starting high school is just as good an age, do it over half term so there's a gap between being told and Christmas activities starting. She had inclings for quite a while before being told at 10 and appreciated finally having the truth but still keeping the magic.

Go from a really positive direction if she has Send, she gets to be A Santa now and make the day special for the people she loves. It's always just been DD and me, last Christmas aged 12 she spent some pocket money on chocolate coins and left them around the house for me 'from Santa' which was the sweetest thing. We talked about what Christmas traditions she wanted to start too now she was A Santa

Moonchild18 · 09/10/2022 23:01

My 11 year old DD's know santa isn't real, they know I buy everything however they also seem like they want to believe he's real but they know logically it's not realistic. I think your daughter knows he's not real already but she's still hoping at the back of her mind that he is so she can enjoy the magic for a little longer

Original poster
lovepops · 09/10/2022 23:13

Singleandproud · 09/10/2022 22:55

I've put my foot in it more than once with Yr 7s at school so it's not true that they don't believe.

I found 10 to be a great age to put the is he real / is he not questions to bed. Starting high school is just as good an age, do it over half term so there's a gap between being told and Christmas activities starting. She had inclings for quite a while before being told at 10 and appreciated finally having the truth but still keeping the magic.

Go from a really positive direction if she has Send, she gets to be A Santa now and make the day special for the people she loves. It's always just been DD and me, last Christmas aged 12 she spent some pocket money on chocolate coins and left them around the house for me 'from Santa' which was the sweetest thing. We talked about what Christmas traditions she wanted to start too now she was A Santa

Aw that's really cute of her! A post a little bit up said about setting them on a mission to be Santa for somebody so I may do that too!

OP posts:
Original poster
lovepops · 09/10/2022 23:15

Moonchild18 · 09/10/2022 23:01

My 11 year old DD's know santa isn't real, they know I buy everything however they also seem like they want to believe he's real but they know logically it's not realistic. I think your daughter knows he's not real already but she's still hoping at the back of her mind that he is so she can enjoy the magic for a little longer

I wish this was the case but she really does believe, she wants to write letters for him etc.

I thought by now somebody would have told her at school but that hasn't happened so for her, Santa is still very real!

OP posts:
Cas112 · 09/10/2022 23:19

She definitely won't still believe 😂

Pinkittens · 09/10/2022 23:26

I'd ask her some leading questions and let her come to the conclusion herself, personally. At the least put some thoughts in her head that he might not be real so she won't be asserting with absolute confidence that he is to new schoolfriends.

Maybe along the lines of (off the top of my head), all very casually, has anyone ever said anything about Santa? Does anyone believe anything different about him? Does anyone have any doubts about him, do you think? All without actually saying "he's not real". Let her think it through gradually.

My DD was absolutely convincing that she thoroughly believed in Santa, up til one day when she was around 12, I was asking what she'd ask Santa for and she gave me "the look" with a smile. She said she'd known from around 9 or 10 because people talked about it at school but she didn't want to spoil it for me as a parent Grin or her younger siblings (she's the sort who loves to chat) so it was safer to just go along with it than be the odd one out who's officially "in the know" but mustn't let on. Also, the presents of course!

Lentil63 · 09/10/2022 23:28

I had to tell my younger son because he’d gone to secondary school ‘believing’. My husband wasn’t too chuffed with me but this is definitely the last moment. I just told him straight. He seemed sad but I suspect I only confirmed his suspicion. ‘Santa’ still delivered a sack to both of my boys until they had children of their own. My husband and I created a lot of magic for our boys which they are now passing on to our grandchildren. It’s sad for us too when a door closes and our children grow up and away from us but we always have to put them first. One day I hope that like me you will be able to enjoy the magic again with your grandchildren.

pawkins · 09/10/2022 23:33

HighlandPony · 09/10/2022 22:08

No. I don’t know anyone with kids beyond 5 or six who still do. Just be honest. She’s at highschool. Santas not real, we bought the presents.

To stop believing in magic at age five is quite sad if true and I expect is in the minority.

MrsGamgee · 09/10/2022 23:37

ofwarren · 09/10/2022 22:14

Not dickish at all, especially after the drip feed that her daughter does actually have SEN..

Show quote history

Nope, it was pretty dickish.

My DD9 still believes and she has no SEN. She's a young 9 and I'm glad she still has that really magical excitement and will listen out for Santa's sleigh bells.

cstaff · 09/10/2022 23:38

My sis had to do the same with her dd the summer before she started secondary school for the same reason. I know my sis found it really hard. A little bit heartbreaking.

CaptainBarbosa · 10/10/2022 00:18

DS8 this year has stopped believing. To be honest last Christmas there were signs, but I tried to push through to have one more year 🤣

I just allowed the conversation to naturally happen OP. We started talking about Christmas a few weeks ago and DS said "I know Santa's not real" and I just confirmed it but asked him politely not to ruin it for his younger cousins, or anyone else who still believed, as that would be unkind.

Maybe just rip the band aid off OP, direct, straight and without fuss, and maybe your daughter will just take it onboard? I wouldn't build it up to be a let down, if you see what I mean.

Maybe say something like "What would you like for Christmas, so I can start looking?" And if she mentions Santa, just say "I think the time has come now to tell you the truth, Santa isn't real it's always been mummy/daddy , but it doesn't change Christmas " and move on swiftly.

TimeforZeroes · 10/10/2022 00:21

I distinctly remember being that age and clinging onto it so desperately. I sort of knew but I wasn’t ready to admit it so it’s not beyond the realms of possibility at all.

Lessofallthisunpleasantness · 10/10/2022 00:22

Don’t worry, the other kids will tell her.

RewildingAmbridge · 10/10/2022 00:32

Lots of refuges and food banks do gift appeals where you take a tag that says eg girl age 7 and you buy and wrap a present for them. If she doesn't have younger siblings that might be a nice way for her to start paying it forward and being a Santa?

Choccolocko · 10/10/2022 12:39

Both mine believed at 11.

Usually they start to suspect and ask leading questions but in this instance where your dd doesn’t understand, I would frame it as

There is lots of magic and good spirit around Christmas time.
Santa Claus is part of the magic but as children get older they come to realise that santas magic is delivered through those who love you. So although Santa is not real, his intentions are.

its much the way I frame religion to mine - the bible is lots of stories, we can’t say for sure about God but whether or not you have faith there was a man called Jesus who preached about being kind to others and living and loving in truth and that’s what we live by.