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Original poster

If you say 'Im not sending cards'

145 replies

Forestdweller11 · 22/12/2021 10:21

Do you actually not send any at all? I've decided not to send cards this year, but some family appear a bit upset at my decision.

So those who don't send cards do you actually send a few out to family etc?

Immediately family are close by so I could hand deliver, bit I feel it sort of defeats the object.

OP posts:
GameofPhones · 22/12/2021 12:28

@RedskyThisNight

If I send you one, it is because I have chosen to spend a bit of time thinking about you. Surely that is kind of a nice thing?

Most people sending Christmas cards simply work through a list. There is not much thinking about someone going on here.

I am afraid @RedskyThis Night is mostly right. It has become a tick-off chore.
QueeniesCroft · 22/12/2021 12:30

I haven't sent a single card in 25 years. I hated doing it and dislike the waste/clutter caused by cards, so I told my husband that if he wanted them to be sent, then he would have to do it.(My family is tiny and not close, his is huge and likes to make a show of being close). He did want cards to be sent, but not by him. I stuck to my guns and explained to those members of his family that I'd actually met , in case they thought it was a personal slight. Nobody was offended, and a couple of people did the same.

Rattysparklebum · 22/12/2021 12:33

I don’t send one to close family and friends who I will see or call over the Christmas period and wish them happy Christmas in person but I do give one to a few immediate neighbours who will help us out feeding my cats and I help by getting bits of shopping etc.

TheTurn0fTheScrew · 22/12/2021 12:33

I send cards to family and old friends, whether not I receive one in return. I hope that the recipients like them and appreciate the gesture, even if like lots of MNers they dislike the "clutter" of the actual card. I manage to give to charity as well. I appreciate a personal text just as much as a card, but generic group messages can get in the sea.

Firstruleofsoupover · 22/12/2021 12:35

To send or not to send, you’d think those were the only two choices. (Apart from e-cards). Not so, we have just received a card with no writing in it at all and no enclosures. A little mystery. Postmark gives a sort of clue.

Me guess is a round robin was meant to go inside.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 22/12/2021 12:36

I only send to people not on social media, so older people on the whole. And also to a few friends who I know have had a particularly difficult year, so I write in them. Everyone else has to make do with a FB message.

WasgijGods · 22/12/2021 12:38

Grandparents and a couple of neighbours to be polite. That's it.

Incywinceyspider · 22/12/2021 12:39

I have done the odd courtesy card in the past, but not this year. I pretend it's for the environment, and obviously it is, but that's not the real reason. The real reason is I just can't be arsed! I've particularly never understood sending a card to close family. The idea is to send them to people you don't see very often!

I've only received a handful of cards this year and only from the older generation. I think that in 20/30 years time cards will have died out.

FuzzyPuffling · 22/12/2021 12:40

I love getting Christmas cards, especially after the past year when social interaction has been lacking (CEV household). It reminds me that I am not forgotten.

I say this every year but...
"I'm not sending cards but I'm giving to charity" Why not give up something that matters to you (wine, turkey presents), rather than something that might be important to someone else? And don't virtue signal it by putting it on Facebook.

JKDinomum · 22/12/2021 12:41

@redskythisnight
Totally agree. The only reason to send cards is to interact with friends and wish them well. I do this via Facebook, WhatsApp etc. If I'm doing so there's no need to write Happy Christmas on a piece of card as well. I get the kids to make cards for the grandparents because they appreciate it. If you're not bothering to interact with your"friends" at all because "you're not doing cards" then you're not really being a friend are you?

DoubleDeckerSwimmer · 22/12/2021 12:44

@FuzzyPuffling

I love getting Christmas cards, especially after the past year when social interaction has been lacking (CEV household). It reminds me that I am not forgotten.

I say this every year but...
"I'm not sending cards but I'm giving to charity" Why not give up something that matters to you (wine, turkey presents), rather than something that might be important to someone else? And don't virtue signal it by putting it on Facebook.

I say this every year but... "I'm not sending cards but I'm giving to charity" Why not give up something that matters to you (wine, turkey presents), rather than something that might be important to someone else? And don't virtue signal it by putting it on Facebook.

Totally agree!

00100001 · 22/12/2021 12:46

@AnxiousWeirdo

I don't do cards, I realised a few years ago that I am SO rubbish at remembering cards for any occasion that I just don't bother at all now. DD made some special ones at school this year so we've sent those out to relatives but other than that no, I don't send any.
So...you do send cards, despite saying "you don't send cards"

This is what OP is talking about!

BatshitCrazyWoman · 22/12/2021 12:48

@DebIr

I dislike the messages re donating to charity rather than giving cards. If you want to donate to charity, fine, up to you. But it’s nothing to do with me. I make my own donations to the charities I choose.
I've sent cards AND donated to charity. Don't tell anyone about the charity donations though (apart from Mumsnet!). I buy my cards direct from a charity, too

I like buying, writing and sending them, and I like receiving them. I'd be sad if everyone I know decided to stop sending them, but I have about 40 cards displayed currently, so there doesn't seem much chance of that!

DoubleDeckerSwimmer · 22/12/2021 12:49

[quote JKDinomum]@redskythisnight
Totally agree. The only reason to send cards is to interact with friends and wish them well. I do this via Facebook, WhatsApp etc. If I'm doing so there's no need to write Happy Christmas on a piece of card as well. I get the kids to make cards for the grandparents because they appreciate it. If you're not bothering to interact with your"friends" at all because "you're not doing cards" then you're not really being a friend are you?[/quote]
If you're not bothering to interact with your "friends" at all because "you're not doing cards" then you're not really being a friend are you?

Wow! You have made a few assumptions there! Why would you assume that people who send cards don't also make contact in other ways? (or indeed that the card would only say , "Happy Christmas")?

CrimbleCrumble1 · 22/12/2021 12:57

I send four or five to friends and family because I want to and a similar amount to elderly neighbours who keep sending me one and I don’t have the heart not to return one.

NotSorry · 22/12/2021 13:00

I've always thought the whole point of cards are for those you DON'T see, not those that you see regularly - I think I've done 3 cards this year to people who fit that criteria

CatDogAlpaca · 22/12/2021 13:01

I haven't done cards for 30 years. My friends don't expect them.

DumplingsAndStew · 22/12/2021 13:01

I give cards alongside gifts, which are minimal - so my parents, my nieces, nephews and godchildren all get 'special' ones. A couple of close friends and my brother/partner get a charity one from a pack which I noticed the other day said you could recycle in Tesco throughout Jan 2009 Grin

DiamondBright · 22/12/2021 13:03

I send to very immediate family, very close friends who live away and elderly relatives, I post fewer every year as the elderly relative numbers reduce.

Itsokay2020 · 22/12/2021 13:08

I love writing cards, and receiving them, always buy charity cards and sure they are recyclable too!! It saddens me that the art of letter and card writing is dying out, and I will always make time to write cards because it’s a small gesture to let the recipient know I am thinking of them! As for the charity donation posts on social media...

This year, we also wrote 100 cards for a charity, they will be distributed to hospices, care homes and hospitals. It’s another small gesture which I hope will bring a smile to the recipient Xmas Smile

Pinkcurtwinsinthebin · 22/12/2021 13:10

I do cards but have a select list. For friends I’d have to post to I’ve been seeing whether we receive one, if we do I send one, but thats really only a couple, for everyone else about a week ago I made a point of emailing, messaging or ringing up, and enjoyed the interaction which I’d say was better than just getting a card in the post.

Mind you my Christmas card hangers are looking a bit empty and I was wondering about filling them up with last years cards which I’d saved to make tags for this years gifts.

PeaceONoeuf · 22/12/2021 13:16

‘I say this every year but...
"I'm not sending cards but I'm giving to charity" Why not give up something that matters to you (wine, turkey presents), rather than something that might be important to someone else? And don't virtue signal it by putting it on Facebook.‘

From my position:

I have a direct debit to two charities every month so in terms of giving something up I guess I’m giving up a bit of spare money.

I wanted to stop cards for environmental reasons.

Instead of keeping the spare £30 or so, I chose to make an extra donation to a charity we chose each year (usually based on support we received).

I wanted to wish people happy Christmas and a lot of those people are on social media - I also like to flag charities as it might encourage someone else to support them.

I dont now of that helps explain it a bit?

seriousandloyal · 22/12/2021 13:18

I enjoy writing cards and receiving them. I like thinking about each person when I write them and I like looking back through the cards I've received before I recycle them at the end of the Christmas holiday and knowing that others have thought of me and wished me well at the end of another year. I too think it's awful when people write on Facebook that they are not doing cards and are giving to charity instead especially when they don't even say which charity or provide a link. But I would never be offended not to get a card and know that some people don't enjoy doing it so choose not to, which is absolutely fine. There are other aspects of Christmas which I don't enjoy so I don't do them, I always do cards as I love them and it makes me feel Christmassy sitting quietly and writing them with the Christmas tree lights sparking in the background.

QueeniesCroft · 22/12/2021 13:19

Despite the lack of card-sending, we make a huge effort to phone the people who might appreciate it, on Christmas Day. I miss the joking about the timing of the call to my husband's late uncle, who would claim that our call was magically triggered by him sitting down to dinner, despite the varying time of the dinner!

Sadly, there are fewer and fewer relatives these days, but when it matters I hope that they know we care (the uncle knew, and even when he could no longer remember my name, he knew that I would help him).

Sending cards is one thing that we don't do, but it isn't a patch on the things that we do bother with, and I believe that those are the things that matter, even if they are less visible.

FortVictoria · 22/12/2021 13:20

I don’t send any, and don’t feel guilty. I do stay in touch with friends throughout the year, and I think that’s more valuable. Many of my friends are non believers or follow religions other than Christianity anyway.