Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

Original poster

I just need a quick moan about getting no presents

95 replies

NetflixAddict · 21/12/2021 11:25

This year DH and I agreed that we wouldn't get each other presents this year. Mainly as money is tight due to having a baby this year and DH losing his job shortly afterwards. I don't mind this and DH checked a couple of times that we're still doing no presents.

However, after confirming that they had received their gifts from me, my DP's and Dsis have informed me they won't be sending gifts this year as they want to focus on the day and spend extra on food and activities for the three of them. Again, I'm completely ok with this. Both parents have had a tough year and my Dsis lost her job about a year ago and has struggled since.

But a very small, and selfish, part of me is a bit sad. Had my family told me they weren't doing presents sooner than today I wouldn't have sent as many to them and instead used the money to get myself and DH a present. I'm just a bit disappointed that I won't have anything to open on Christmas day when everyone else will. I'm currently waiting in for DH's presents from his family, so I'm feeling a bit sad.

I'm aware that there is much worse than a 30 something not getting a present and I'd never moan about it to anyone in real life. I just needed a woe is me moment before the baby wakes up. I'll give my head a shake, put the kettle on and grow up now.

OP posts:
FestiveFruitloop · 21/12/2021 11:28

You're not being selfish OP. I do think your DP and Dsis have been a bit selfish, though.

LH1987 · 21/12/2021 11:29

That’s really rubbish! If that’s what they wanted to do, then let you know early.

I would want to ask for the gifts back, but I know that’s probably unreasonable!

Sparklfairy · 21/12/2021 11:31

They told you they're not doing presents four days before Christmas? That's awful tbh.

Squirrelblanket · 21/12/2021 11:33

That's crap of them, especially to tell you AFTER you've sent their gifts! Can you treat yourself to something instead?

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 21/12/2021 11:34

That's not selfish. I'd feel miserable too. Your family have been mean imo. If that's the plan, it needs to be agreed in advance before you buy/send. Why don't dh's family buy you something?

YouHaveNoAuthorityHereJackie · 21/12/2021 11:35

Not selfish at all. Do you have time to go grab yourself something to wrap? Every gift I’m getting is something I’ve bought myself and while that makes me feel a bit shit that DH has put in no effort whatsoever, it’s infinitely preferable to having nothing at all to open. If nothing else I don’t want my kids growing up thinking it’s ok for mum to be bottom of the heap.

Odile13 · 21/12/2021 11:35

Oh dear, I’m so sorry. They should have told you sooner, before you bought presents.

BillyBarryBoo · 21/12/2021 11:36

That's really unfair of your family.
Could you pop to a charity shop and get yourself a few books , get a few cheap pairs of fluffy socks and maybe your fav chocolate bar and wrap them up for yourself?
£20 could get you a few nice little bits (I do understand though that £20 is a lot when you're stuck)

QuiltedHippo · 21/12/2021 11:37

That's shocking about your family, ask for their gifts back and return them!

SimpsonsXmasBoogie · 21/12/2021 11:39

Your family sound like CFs... Totally fine to not want to do presents but you need to get in there very early to make sure they haven't bought you one first!

I'm not surprised you're feeling a bit deflated. Is it too late for you to get yourself something nice?

Loveisthere · 21/12/2021 11:40

Awful behaviour from them. Why is dh family sending him presents and not you that also seems unfair. Buy yourself a little gift to open. Flowers

Smileyaxolotl1 · 21/12/2021 11:44

Your family are arseholes. It’s fine to agree not to do presents in advance but you can’t suddenly do it after you’ve received yours.
For next year why don’t you do a £5 limit with your husband? Not much to spend but at least you will get something to open. X

Newnamefor2021 · 21/12/2021 11:49

Tell your family "oh that's fine, totally understand, we are struggling a bit too this year. When is convenient for me to pick the presents up I sent over?"

Lollypop701 · 21/12/2021 11:51

So they get gifts from you, knowing you are struggling, and get to spend their money on the 3 of them. Honestly I’d have to tell them that they should have told you sooner. They know they are being grabby! Tell dh what’s happened, he would want you to have something, it doesn’t have to be expensive chocolate, bath stuff but don’t get to the day with nothing!

Bluntness100 · 21/12/2021 11:52

@Newnamefor2021

Tell your family "oh that's fine, totally understand, we are struggling a bit too this year. When is convenient for me to pick the presents up I sent over?"
I agree it’s a bit shit but this is quite mercenary, it’s I only give to get.

I understand why you’re upset and better to clarify all this next year in advance.

LadyCatStark · 21/12/2021 11:54

That’s really twatty behaviour from your parents and sister. It’s fine to say no presents but you do it before everyone else send you them. It’s also a bit twatty of your DH’s family to send him presents and nothing for you actually.

Original poster
NetflixAddict · 21/12/2021 11:56

I'm glad I'm not being unreasonable. And yes, I'm annoyed at my family for leaving it so late. But this is typical them. For my 30th my mum called me on the morning of and casually mentioned none of them had got me a present, despite all coming to dinner later that day. I won't be asking for the presents back though!

Yes, DH's family probably could get me something. In fact, if DMIL finds out that I'm not getting a present she would do everything she could to get me something. However, it probably wouldn't arrive in time for Christmas day.

I'll speak to DH and see if we can do small presents. We've probably got a budget of £15 so not much but we're within walking distance of a few cheap shops (think primark, wilko etc) so we should hopefully be able to get each other something. I just didn't want him to think I was being silly or selfish etc.

OP posts:
BrieAndChilli · 21/12/2021 11:56

is it possible your DH family have got you a present but DH has recieved it?

Trixiefirecracker · 21/12/2021 11:57

I would get yourself something or speak to your husband and say let’s do a little present. Presents don’t have to cost much. Something small and thoughtful to open might cheer you up. Forget the cheeky fuckers.

BarbaraofSeville · 21/12/2021 11:57

Why did you buy them 'many' presents if you're very skint?

It sounds like it's definitely time to not exchange presents with your family from now on, whatever your finances.

But they were very rude to tell them they aren't doing presents after they'd received from you and even worse to blatantly state they were spending money on themselves instead.

Surely they'd have thought 'shit, we need to send NetflixAddict a gift now', so even if it hadn't been much, it would at least have been something?

worriedatthemoment · 21/12/2021 11:58

They should of told you they wasn't doing presents ages ago , that way like you say you could of used money to get each other presents
Have your family sent your baby presents ?

gamerchick · 21/12/2021 12:00

Stop giving your family gifts OP. The birthday one would sting the most. New year's resolution. No more forking out for family.

Newnamefor2021 · 21/12/2021 12:01

@Bluntness100 maybe but I think given the OPs situation then at least she gets something. The family have said they don't want to give gifts, after receiving them, as they want to spend more on themselves. Which is fair enough, but surely they need to give things back then.

We give gifts for different reasons. Sometimes that's not to receive anything, it's an appreciation of things done or friendship given. Like a way of thanks. Somethings it's a gift EXCHANGE, which is what we usually do with family, sometimes those exchanges are not equal and that's ok too, but I think one person giving when they expected to receive is wrong. It's ok to not do exchanges but it's not ok accept with the idea it's an exchange and then not exchange.

cultkid · 21/12/2021 12:01

Tell them you're not doing it either and to return the gifts
They sound shit

Duchess379 · 21/12/2021 12:01

That's really sad. You'd have thought they would buy you a combined gift at least as a thank you. If its any consolation, we're not even doing Christmas in my house this year. (Long story) 😶🎄