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Christmas

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Original poster

I just need a quick moan about getting no presents

95 replies

NetflixAddict · 21/12/2021 11:25

This year DH and I agreed that we wouldn't get each other presents this year. Mainly as money is tight due to having a baby this year and DH losing his job shortly afterwards. I don't mind this and DH checked a couple of times that we're still doing no presents.

However, after confirming that they had received their gifts from me, my DP's and Dsis have informed me they won't be sending gifts this year as they want to focus on the day and spend extra on food and activities for the three of them. Again, I'm completely ok with this. Both parents have had a tough year and my Dsis lost her job about a year ago and has struggled since.

But a very small, and selfish, part of me is a bit sad. Had my family told me they weren't doing presents sooner than today I wouldn't have sent as many to them and instead used the money to get myself and DH a present. I'm just a bit disappointed that I won't have anything to open on Christmas day when everyone else will. I'm currently waiting in for DH's presents from his family, so I'm feeling a bit sad.

I'm aware that there is much worse than a 30 something not getting a present and I'd never moan about it to anyone in real life. I just needed a woe is me moment before the baby wakes up. I'll give my head a shake, put the kettle on and grow up now.

OP posts:
SimonedeBeauvoirscat · 21/12/2021 13:06

How about proposing to your DH that you do non monetary gifts this year? Lots of fun imaginative stuff you could think up for each other without costing a penny.

On the subject of your family, I think you need to step back and see the broader picture here. They sound pretty toxic and they have form for treating you with contempt. Can I suggest that you distance yourself from them a bit and have a long think about how you’d like to be treated? The way you broached this thread indicates that you don’t value yourself sufficiently highly and I wonder to what extent years of this kind of treatment from your family have fuelled that. No it’s not unreasonable to be pissed off in these circumstances. Yes you do deserve presents and to be thought of, as you clearly do so much thinking about and caring for others.

MimiDaisy11 · 21/12/2021 13:09

Can’t you just tell your family you’re not doing presents in the future. They don’t seem to treat you well.

guardiansofthegalaxychocs · 21/12/2021 13:12

@BrieAndChilli

is it possible your DH family have got you a present but DH has recieved it?
Is it normal for them not to get presents for you? We give a present to our siblings’ partners (even very new ones get a token gift).
IWentAwayIStayedAway · 21/12/2021 13:12

Your family are CFs.
Promise me you will never send them a present again!
Hope you have a lovely day

CrimbleCrumble1 · 21/12/2021 13:16

Just explain to your DH that you don’t have anything to open n Christmas morning and you’d like him to buy you something or something and say it’s from your DC. You don’t have to buy him a present as he’s getting some from his family.

WildStallyn · 21/12/2021 13:22

I completely understand yours and DHs decision not to buy one another anything given things are tight. However I think it's pretty disgusting that your own parents aren't getting you anything (without this being a mutual agreement made far far in advance). I'm also surprised MIL wouldn't get you even a token gift, that seems quite mean.

Please message me your address and I'll send you a little something.

2bazookas · 21/12/2021 13:29

Well, now you know for the future. All cut and dried.

Next year, you and DP can save all the expense of buying for your relatives and instead have a little indulgence for yourselves and child. Enjoy!

Senseofsomething · 21/12/2021 13:34

Sorry OP. That’s a bit crap. Presents don’t have to be expensive, they could have chosen a book you might like from a charity shop or wrapped up some chocolates for you. I think you are right to feel sad and should wrap up something for yourself asap! Some kind of token to remind yourself you are worth giving a gift too.

CHEM20 · 21/12/2021 13:35

However, after confirming that they had received their gifts from me, my DP's and Dsis have informed me they won't be sending gifts this year as they want to focus on the day and spend extra on food and activities for the three of them. Again, I'm completely ok with this.

Why are you ok with this? Did you grow up feeling/being made to feel like your wants and needs were less important than other family members?

Somebodylikeyew · 21/12/2021 13:38

I also quite like the idea of getting yourself a couple of books from a charity shop and some chocolate. Then give yourself an afternoon in a hot bath with them :)

Sorry your family have been so thoughtless Flowers

Original poster
NetflixAddict · 21/12/2021 13:38

DMIL doesn't get Christmas presents for her DC's partners, unless she's seeing them on Christmas day. This has always been the case. But she does get gifts for people for their birthday etc.

And thank you so much to the people who have offered to send something. That really is so kind of you. However, that wasn't my intention when I posted and I'm sure if I speak to DH tonight we can sort something out. Even if it's just some primark socks and a chocolate bar!

OP posts:
penniesdimesapplespears · 21/12/2021 13:40

They are being selfish op, you are not. I would be gutted disappointed as well.

Lovemusic33 · 21/12/2021 13:43

I buy myself a gift 😬

My dm buys for me but always buys me a load of tat that I don’t need/want, she brought my gifts over yesterday and I can guess what she has got me…a mug (I don’t drink hot drinks)….some slippers..chocolate and fudge (I ask her not to buy me food), she did ask me what I wanted, I told her but she hasn’t got what I asked for (something that costs £10). I would rather she didn’t bother tbh or just gave me cash so I could buy the £10 item I asked for.

I’m single so I don’t get gifts from a partner.

I buy for a lot of people but might get one or 2 small gifts back. I’m not too bothered tbh, I tend to buy more for kids than adults.

RightOnTheEdge · 21/12/2021 13:47

Aww you don't need to "grow up" OP. I think everyone needs a special day and a bit of a treat no matter how old they are.
I hope in future you stop buying gifts for your family as they didn't get anything for your birthday or Christmas. They sound really selfish and thoughtless.

I hope you have a lovely Christmas Xmas Smile

TheRemotePart · 21/12/2021 13:49

My extended family sometimes do a secret Santa for everyone instead of trying to buy crap for every member.
Ask DH for primark pjs. I’m always buzzing to get them! Nice bottle of vino? Something you’d like for the house but wouldn’t normally buy?

Maybe your family will get you a little something, but yes they absolutely should’ve said weeks ago!? Obviously NORMALLY you don’t give presents to receive them, but you’re all skint and you’ve still made an effort , and realise you could’ve spent it on DH baby or yourself! Nothing wrong with that!
Can you both Klarna something? You can pay it in three instalments? I’ve done this a few times this year myself, as were also on Mat pay and first DC Xmas.

GiltEdges · 21/12/2021 13:51

@Redwinestillfine

Why do your dh's family get him a present and not you? Even before dh and I were married we were treated equally by both sides of the family.
This. I find it quite odd that they only buy you something if they know they're going to see you on the day.
NameChangeCity123 · 21/12/2021 13:55

@LH1987

That’s really rubbish! If that’s what they wanted to do, then let you know early.

I would want to ask for the gifts back, but I know that’s probably unreasonable!

I'd be tempted to say 'oh I didn't realise Were not doing presents. Just send them back and I'll return them' I wouldn't do this in reality but i would not be doing anything next year.

So selfish of them

Chloemol · 21/12/2021 14:44

I think your family have been mean. I would now stop buying for birthdays and Christmas

Chloemol · 21/12/2021 14:46

I would also go back and say you have been thinking, they are right it would be nice to spend more money on food etc, and as you scrimped to get their presents could they please send them back, you will get refunds and spend more on food for your family

DeirdreRashid · 21/12/2021 15:08

Get down the supermarket and get yourself something in your £15 budget. PJs, candle, book, box of chocs etc, label it from the baby. Enjoy your Christmas x

Shodan · 21/12/2021 15:29

I wouldn't ask for the gifts back.

But I definitely would send a text saying you think it's a bit off to only tell you after they received your gifts that they weren't doing presents this year. And that if they'd said this earlier, you and your DH could also have spent something on yourselves, instead of going without.

UniBallEye · 21/12/2021 15:45

I think your family are really unkind and don't seem very nice and I also cannot fathom your in laws only buying for you if they see you but not bothering to send you something when they're sending off presents for dh and dc. That also seems unkind.

Given that everyone apart from you will have a present to open I think you should speak to your dh about it and he should buy you something. Only you. instead of splitting the money between you. Or perhaps you buy him his fav chocolate or beer etc and then he puts the main portion of the money to buying you something nicer - so £5 on him and £15 on you or whatever split you like.

It's important to not feel invisible / taken for granted in your family

Stade197 · 21/12/2021 15:49

i would def speak to DH about getting something small, even if you just go out with £10 each, shops like primark, home bargains, poundland have some lovely little gifts cheap (i believe primark have their gifts on sale already) it can just be little things like - socks, mug, facemasks, bath bombs/salts, chocs, travel cup, xmas scratchcards, lotto ticket, candles, nail polish, hot chocolate bombs

or make a gift of homemade coupons to use throughout the year, I did this for my partner one year he loved them

Thefuturestory · 21/12/2021 16:01

Now is definitely the time to send a text to say just to let you know we won’t be doing any Christmas or Birthday presents at all in future and don’t expect any in return. Merry Christmas.

gsaoej · 21/12/2021 16:36

You family have been very rude to only say they’re not doing presents after having received yours. You should send them a message saying that they should have told you before you sent stuff for them and that now you will be receiving literally nothing as you aren’t doing presents with your OH due to baby costs. Why don’t you tell them how their behaviour has impacted you?