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Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

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Original poster

I just need a quick moan about getting no presents

95 replies

NetflixAddict · 21/12/2021 11:25

This year DH and I agreed that we wouldn't get each other presents this year. Mainly as money is tight due to having a baby this year and DH losing his job shortly afterwards. I don't mind this and DH checked a couple of times that we're still doing no presents.

However, after confirming that they had received their gifts from me, my DP's and Dsis have informed me they won't be sending gifts this year as they want to focus on the day and spend extra on food and activities for the three of them. Again, I'm completely ok with this. Both parents have had a tough year and my Dsis lost her job about a year ago and has struggled since.

But a very small, and selfish, part of me is a bit sad. Had my family told me they weren't doing presents sooner than today I wouldn't have sent as many to them and instead used the money to get myself and DH a present. I'm just a bit disappointed that I won't have anything to open on Christmas day when everyone else will. I'm currently waiting in for DH's presents from his family, so I'm feeling a bit sad.

I'm aware that there is much worse than a 30 something not getting a present and I'd never moan about it to anyone in real life. I just needed a woe is me moment before the baby wakes up. I'll give my head a shake, put the kettle on and grow up now.

OP posts:

LadyCatStark · 21/12/2021 16:41

@gsaoej

You family have been very rude to only say they’re not doing presents after having received yours. You should send them a message saying that they should have told you before you sent stuff for them and that now you will be receiving literally nothing as you aren’t doing presents with your OH due to baby costs. Why don’t you tell them how their behaviour has impacted you?

I agree, why should they get to enjoy the presents you’ve given them without giving a second thought to your feelings?

CrimbleCrumble1 · 21/12/2021 16:43

gsaoej
You family have been very rude to only say they’re not doing presents after having received yours. You should send them a message saying that they should have told you before you sent stuff for them and that now you will be receiving literally nothing as you aren’t doing presents with your OH due to baby costs. Why don’t you tell them how their behaviour has impacted you?

i agree.

Whatiswrongwithmyknee · 21/12/2021 16:44

@gsaoej

I think this is the best idea. That said, I wouldn't dare in my family as it would trigger a whole heap of abuse - they generally don't care how things impact on me. If you have the sort of family who give a shit, it probably is worth saying this. If you don't you can either suck it up this year and never get them presents again or find some way of saying 'totally respect your thoughts about not giving presents and lovely idea to free us up to spend more on food and activities with our immediate families, so I wonder how it's best to get back the ones I sent to you which we'd need to return in order to be able to do that'?

TheQuietChristmas · 21/12/2021 16:46

For years now I’ve been toning down what I buy people and striking some off the Christmas list who expect, but don’t reciprocate.

I then add up the money, and buy myself something with this. To me, lots of love from me X

Bluntness100 · 21/12/2021 16:49

@CrimbleCrumble1

gsaoej You family have been very rude to only say they’re not doing presents after having received yours. You should send them a message saying that they should have told you before you sent stuff for them and that now you will be receiving literally nothing as you aren’t doing presents with your OH due to baby costs. Why don’t you tell them how their behaviour has impacted you?

i agree.

Yeah I understand why you’d say this but it’s a bit emotionally blackmailing them into buying gifts they can’t afford and no one wants to force getting presents.

CinnamonJellyBeans · 21/12/2021 16:51

Your family have been very mean, especially as they know you are short of money yourself.

They even admitted that they're using the money saved on you to spend on themselves?

Horrible behaviour.

CharityDingle · 21/12/2021 16:52

Totally unfair of them to do this.

smartiecake · 21/12/2021 16:57

Your post is really sad OP, and I think thats awful behaviour from your family.
Make this the last year you buy for them. Next year tell them you are spending your money on your own little family and putting the money towards yourselves. If they must have a gift make it a token box of biscuits between them.
Speak to DH and definitely get yourself something, if only a small something. And remember how shit your family have been this Christmas and for your birthday too.
Its just mean and thoughtless behaviour.
Wishing you a Happy Christmas anyway @NetflixAddict .

Peppapigforlife · 21/12/2021 17:15

That's really mean of them. İ have a dd2 and I'm a single mum moving house and the last few years i asked people not to do presents as i was too tired from being up all night to think about returning them. But this year I'm moving house and money is tight and I still bought small gifts for the few people İ knew would buy my DD a present. We got one surprise present from her nursery friend and I'll make the time to buy something in return, even if it gets there after Christmas.

mam0918 · 21/12/2021 17:22

Bluntness100 - it's not that they can afford it it's that they are just assholes who prefer to treat themselves (and don't even seem to have invited OP to join in their self-treatment).

They didn't even make her something, or send her a freebie or nip to a charity shop for a 50p book/DVD or pop into the poundshop or even buy her a bloody 20p Freddo with their weekly shop... they just simply didn't both to care.

It is the thought and effort that counts and lack of that hurt's nothing to do with money.

bigyellowTpot · 21/12/2021 18:37

I don't get Christmas presents and haven't done for years, doesn't bother me in the slightest as long as the dc have gifts that's all that matters to me. If I ever need or want anything I'll save and buy it for myself. I don't know why adults get so upset about no gifts after all santa only comes to children! xxx

TallulahsCurse · 21/12/2021 19:03

I think you're being silly about wanting presents at Christmas; I don't get why adults need gifts. It's about the kids and the consumerism for the sake of what, opening something from Primark .... Makes me feel like it's terribly wasteful.

however your family have been shit to you saying no presents after you've sent yours - that is seriously low and on that front I would be as angry as you are. How very selfish - do not buy them anything in future that's for sure!

Wishihadanalgorithm · 21/12/2021 19:36

OP, I really feel for you. Your family haven’t been rude they have been bloody awful. However, they have given you one gift: you now know where you are in their priorities.

Personally, I’d leave the presents with them. This would be the last ever gift they ever receive from me. Their selfish and hurtful behaviour has cost them a decent relationship with their daughter. I’d be distancing myself from them too and be unavailable to help when needed.

This is not an issue about presents this is an issue about family not caring and treating you badly.
OP, you sound like a lovely person and do not deserve to be treated so poorly.

Mumoblue · 21/12/2021 19:42

Buy yourself something, if you can spare the money.

I can imagine it is a little disappointing not to get anything. I’ve had Christmases like that before, and you feel like a sulky kid but there’s part of you that would just like something.
I’m in a bit of a strange position this year because I have asked everyone not to get me anything as I can only just about afford to buy for the kids in my family (my son and his nine cousins). We’ve done “kids only Christmas” before in my family when money was tight for everyone, but I’ve gotten presents from both my sisters and my mum already. And my best friend is coming on Thursday and I know she’s gotten me something too. I feel rubbish that I can’t buy anything for them, and while I know it’s done out of love I feel like they pity me (I’m a single mum on benefits).

So I kind of wish I didn’t have any presents this year.

EekGoesTheBaby · 21/12/2021 20:58

That was really unkind of your family.

Someone mentioned scratchcards upthread, and that's what I would suggest if there's no gambling issue. For £10, you could each get three £1 cards to scratch and some nice hot choc to drink on Christmas morning. And, of course, if you did win something, do NOT mention it to your selfish family.

watingroom2 · 21/12/2021 21:08

I would say bluntly to your family, oh I was really looking forward to your gifts, they were the only ones I was getting this year, as we are hard up.

Next year don't get any gifts and say, Oh I thought we had stopped doing gifts now.

nettie434 · 21/12/2021 21:52

I don't think it is reasonable of your family to say they are not buying presents after they received yours. They should have told you about their plans early, ideally before you bought the gifts and definitely before you posted them.

It is definitely not unreasonable to want at least one small present on the day. I hope you get something that you really like! At least you know not to buy them anything next year.

DSGR · 21/12/2021 22:09

I’m with you OP, my DH and I set a budget for this reason… even £15 can get you a luxury shower gel as a treat. It’s sad to not have a single gift.
Ask your DH if you can spend £20 each and give him some ideas

UsernameInTheTown · 21/12/2021 22:23

PM me your address please OP and I'll send you a little something to open on Christmas day

Original poster

NetflixAddict · 21/12/2021 23:41

I would just like to say again thank you for the (mostly) understanding replies.

Next year I'll be telling my family that I'm no longer doing presents for adults and for this year I'll speak to DH when he gets home from work and see if we can do something.

I'd also like to say a massive thank you to the people who have offered to send me a present. This wasn't intended to be a begging thread and you're kindness and generosity in just the offers means so much.

OP posts:

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