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Christmas

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Original poster

I just need a quick moan about getting no presents

95 replies

NetflixAddict · 21/12/2021 11:25

This year DH and I agreed that we wouldn't get each other presents this year. Mainly as money is tight due to having a baby this year and DH losing his job shortly afterwards. I don't mind this and DH checked a couple of times that we're still doing no presents.

However, after confirming that they had received their gifts from me, my DP's and Dsis have informed me they won't be sending gifts this year as they want to focus on the day and spend extra on food and activities for the three of them. Again, I'm completely ok with this. Both parents have had a tough year and my Dsis lost her job about a year ago and has struggled since.

But a very small, and selfish, part of me is a bit sad. Had my family told me they weren't doing presents sooner than today I wouldn't have sent as many to them and instead used the money to get myself and DH a present. I'm just a bit disappointed that I won't have anything to open on Christmas day when everyone else will. I'm currently waiting in for DH's presents from his family, so I'm feeling a bit sad.

I'm aware that there is much worse than a 30 something not getting a present and I'd never moan about it to anyone in real life. I just needed a woe is me moment before the baby wakes up. I'll give my head a shake, put the kettle on and grow up now.

OP posts:
worriedatthemoment · 21/12/2021 12:02

At least you know for next year , jpin in the no presents and use the money for yourselves
If you have a baby at least you get to help open there presents so your not just sat there watching your dh
I have brought for my ex sil ,as buy for my neice / nephew and she has no family so will get no presents as dc too little to go out ,so have bought a small token present so she has something to open with her dc's, maybe your mil will have bought you a little something

Winceybincey · 21/12/2021 12:03

Oh op, you are not selfish and that’s really inconsiderate behaviour from them.

One year we told a relative we weren’t doing presents that year, we were in the exact same position as you - a baby and a job loss, and she went ballistic saying ‘I wish you’d told me earlier as I’ve already bought yours’. I was so taken aback because 1) she’s far from skint with no DC’s so just buys for family members so that just told me that she only gives to receive. 2) because this was August! There was plenty of notice and we weren’t to know before then that DH would lose his job, and that she would be buying presents that early. 3) because she knew how diar our situation was, we had a newborn and was at risk of losing our home but that wasn’t her concern, Her only concern was that we weren’t buying her a present.

The difference with us was that we felt bad about not being able to buy family presents whilst having the worry of losing everything. We didn’t just decide the week of Christmas not to buy family presents so that we have more money to spend on ourselves. That’s rude, inconsiderate and selfish especially if they know your situation and what it meant for you to be able to buy them presents.

Now we’re much better off and only buy that family member a token gift each year.

itsgettingwierd · 21/12/2021 12:04

Your not selfish.

You gifted family as they usually do you at the expense of DH and yourself getting gifts.

If your family weren't doing gifts they should have said earlier.

I know gift giving isn't meant to be reciprocal but I think in close family where a precedence is set it is something people need to communicate about.

Leftbutcameback · 21/12/2021 12:05

That's completely crap, and you are very reasonable to be annoyed. If family usually do gifts, and aren't going to one year, they need to tell you that! Sorry OP, sending hugs

Mimilamore · 21/12/2021 12:05

Treat yourself to something you really want, I've done that in the past...

FetchezLaVache · 21/12/2021 12:10

@Bluntness100 have you read OP's posts? Her family regularly unilaterally cancel her presents at zero notice while still expecting to benefit from her gifts or hospitality. It's not a case of giving to get, it's a case of her family massively taking the piss out of a young family with very few spare resources. Not giving and still expecting to get.

I actually totally agree with the poster who suggested going and getting the presents back from your family, FWIW, the cheeky fuckers.

mam0918 · 21/12/2021 12:12

It is shitty your family didn't consider you, it honestly is straight-up selfish they couldn't even bother to get you a token gift when I'm assuming from the plan, surprise, and your gifting that gifts are the norm.

Just tell your DH you changed your mind as the goalposts have since moved and set a budget (maybe £10) to do a gift or stocking.

There's still 4 days to fix this and I would rather my DH said something if he knew his family bailed and not sat and seethed/sulk on it.

Original poster
NetflixAddict · 21/12/2021 12:14

Just to answer a couple of questions. By 'many presents' I mean 3-4 each for my family and nothing too expensive. Think gloves, hand cream and chocolate for DM type thing. If I'd known they weren't doing presents I'd have probably only sent one present each though.

Also when I say money is tight, were surviving off a combination of my maternity pay, savings and DH's new part time bar job. We're not starving, we can pay all our bills and the DC aren't going without. We just need to be careful with budgeting for extras.

DH's family could have bought me a gift. Obviously it's not something I'd ask. All I know is today there should be a parcel arriving in the post with gifts for DH and the DC. There may also be something for me but in previous years they've only bought a gift for me if we're seeing them on the day.

My family gave me Christmas presents for the DC when we saw them last month. At the time they said they'd send presents for DH and I closer to Christmas once we knew what we wanted.

DH is working until 11ish tonight but I'll speak to him when he gets home and see if we can do small presents.

OP posts:
Original poster
NetflixAddict · 21/12/2021 12:18

Also I'm sorry for anyone else in similar positions. It's just a bit shit sometimes. Flowers

OP posts:
Luredbyapomegranate · 21/12/2021 12:19

Hmm - that’s a bit off of your DP and Dss - they could have given you something small, even between them. And they could have let you know re the no presents policy a lot earlier.

Can you find a bit of cash to get a couple of things for yourself? - and even get DP a to wrap under the tree for you.

It’s a bit miserable to get nothing, so your feelings are quite natural.

Next year suggest a 20 quid adult presents limit maybe

minipie · 21/12/2021 12:25

That’s outrageous of your family

We don’t do adult presents and I will probably receive nothing at Christmas

However this is agreed mutually and well in advance before anyone has got anything. There is no way I would say I “wasn’t doing presents” after I’d already received gifts from people!! That’s just so rude.

Sorry your family are so thoughtless OP.

icelolly12 · 21/12/2021 12:27

Can you afford to buy yourself a little treat? I often do this

mam0918 · 21/12/2021 12:28

@NetflixAddict

I'm glad I'm not being unreasonable. And yes, I'm annoyed at my family for leaving it so late. But this is typical them. For my 30th my mum called me on the morning of and casually mentioned none of them had got me a present, despite all coming to dinner later that day. I won't be asking for the presents back though!

Yes, DH's family probably could get me something. In fact, if DMIL finds out that I'm not getting a present she would do everything she could to get me something. However, it probably wouldn't arrive in time for Christmas day.

I'll speak to DH and see if we can do small presents. We've probably got a budget of £15 so not much but we're within walking distance of a few cheap shops (think primark, wilko etc) so we should hopefully be able to get each other something. I just didn't want him to think I was being silly or selfish etc.

It's a little odd DMIL doesn't send you something regardless though especially if she's a caring person like you make it sound... are you sure she isn't?

My IL always sends a jumper/cardigan and either bottle of wine or a box of chocolates for me.

My parents always send DH a bottle of nice gin and a men's toiletry set.

Not because they think we won't get anything off our own family but just because we are now a family.

Itsokay2020 · 21/12/2021 12:31

I am so sorry, OP, this is awful and is heartless, selfish and thoughtless in equal measure. I honestly don’t know what possesses people to behave like this Confused

TheHoptimist · 21/12/2021 12:31

Bit odd not to give your daughter or son in/out law a gift

Mine get the same as my children. Cash and stocking type gifts.

Lanique · 21/12/2021 12:33

Gosh how rude of your family. I agree to a certain extent that gifts shouldn't be 'tit for tat' to petty levels however this is bang out of order. I'd be ashamed of myself if I was them and would have difficulty accepting your gifts and would offer them back (politely and apologetically of course).

Are they always this shameless?

Dishwashersaurous · 21/12/2021 12:33

That's really rubbish of your family.

Can you ask your husband to get something small.so that you have something to open

Deadringer · 21/12/2021 12:34

I think your family are being very mean. Definitely get each other something small to open, sometimes those sort of gifts are the most fun.

Redwinestillfine · 21/12/2021 12:37

Why do your dh's family get him a present and not you? Even before dh and I were married we were treated equally by both sides of the family.

tapeandglue · 21/12/2021 12:39

Mine aren't doing presents for budget reasons too - so I've bought them some lovely gifts, and a thoughtful token gift for me, so I have something to open.

You can make a small amount of money go further on yourself, given you know what random tiny things you will actually really like - take that £15/30 you were going to spend on little presents for you and your OH, and pick yourself out something. And then wrap it.

Toplowlight · 21/12/2021 12:44

Do DH’s family not get you presents?

Your family are selfish buggers - they should have told you they weren’t going to do presents long before they received yours.

strawberrymilk7 · 21/12/2021 12:50

That is crap that your family didn't tell you there weren't doing presents.

I'd say to DH that you would like a little present on Christmas day. Better to be honest now instead of feeling sad about it on Christmas, a little gift is better than none!

TiredMummyZZZ · 21/12/2021 12:55

Hi,

I’d hate to have no presents, it would really put a dampener on the day for me. If you’re happy to DM me your address I’ll send you a little present from Amazon that will get there in time?

TolkiensFallow · 21/12/2021 12:57

I’m absolutely stunned that DH family regularly wrap and post presents you your family and deliberately leave you out. How rude!

WonderfulYou · 21/12/2021 13:05

YANBU

We are all skint this year so we discussed in advance that we’ll all have a max. amount to spend on the children and then we’ll do a secret Santa for the adults with a max. spend.
So we are all not wasting money but no one is going without.

If someone doesn’t want to buy a present that’s fair enough but they need to let the other people know sell in advance so they didn’t buy them one either.