When is having kids lovely at Xmas?

[DueyCheatemAndHow]

Mine are 3 and 1. Don't get me wrong - I've spent a small fortune and a lot of thought on presents and I know the 3 year old will love his.

But. We have to stick to routine or all he'll breaks loose. Neither of them have any concentration span or ability to play alone (or even with me on one thing for a while). I want Xmas Dinner. It will be stressful because the children will be moaning for me while I'm cooking it and then we will spend 30 mins clearing the table, floor and surrounding areas up. I can see us going to the park to get out for a bit.

When will it start to feel a bit more relaxed? It's just the 4 of us.

Christmas got better when we decided not to have either visitors or expectations

Also, Christmas with teenagers isn’t all bad. They don’t make you get up early, and they can do the washing up

Mine are 3, 4 and 6 and this year is the first year i feel organised and not stressed. They will play together on christmas day with their new toys whilst i cook dinner because the 6yr old will help keep the younger 2 occupied. The 6yr old is autistic so we have to keep to our routine as much as possible but i actually find that makes the day go smoother

Thanks everyone, this has been really helpful. DH is very much of the of the 'keep things easy' brigade - he would have pizza if it was up to him- but I just want one nice meal! If it's not too arctic he will prob take them for a walk while i sort dinner

My kids are 10&6 and Christmas is never relaxing. Maybe when they are grown up? 😅🤷‍♀️ It's the most stressful yet rewarding time for parents I think.

My anxiety is sky high at this time of year. My kids behaviour can get shocking with the anticipation of Christmas!

I tend to get a panic attack every Boxing Day. When there's toys everywhere. The kitchen is a mess, the house needs a good hoover and a day of missing laundry means you are piled high!! I should learn to relax but I simply cannot!

Fb memories is good for this. I used to get v stressed at the start of each Xmas holiday, as I knew it would be tantrums from the younger one and non stop talking from the older one. I used to wish I could just stay in school instead.

But Xmas eve and day was always lovely.

Kids are pre teen now and while they're still excited, it's more controlled. And they have devices. I read a whole book this weekend. That never used to happen at Xmas.

When I was little all I remember from Christmas is my mum rushing around stressed, cleaning and cooking. It’s all I remember and it’s awful. So I have tried to make my Christmases as simple as possible.

It’s hard and I remember the toddler years. You need to team up with DH!!

Buy cookie / gingerbread dough and getting the children to use cookie cutters to make super easy DIY biscuits.

Torch lit walks around town, city or village after tea to see Christmas lights before bed. They love it and sleep well afterwards.

Netflix Christmas film and cookies is a good chance to have family downtime (or give yourself a few mins of peace!)

Beach / forest walk for an hour. Take hot chocolate in a flask if you want. No need to be a full day out.

Christmas roast doesn’t have to include turkey. It’s a pain in the ass. But I always add bread and butter to the table so if the children are overtired / over excited or just acting up they can at least have a pigs in blanket or chicken sandwich. No dramas.

Play Christmas music and have a Christmas disco in the kitchen before bed. The children love it.

Huge roll of paper and crayons. Get the whole family around the table and everyone can draw together. It’s very calming & children love drawing with the parents too.

There’s lots you can do that is drama free. Look after yourself and designate jobs!

Things got easier for us from age 4 / 5 as they were tired from the long school term and wanted all the downtime they could get!

5-8 were our best Christmas years. Exh and I were still together then too so the DD's have those memories. 9 upwards weren't quite the same and with the added complications of divorced parents (though for the first three years we still spent Christmas Eve to the 27th together anyway which was good for them, harder work for me). Now they are 14 and 16-dd1 still loves it all and will contribute, though she also is living going out doing festive things with her mates and boyfriend. Dd2 is teenage awful just now and like a Christmas dementor in her bedroom. It's sad. I also have two step sons under 9 however so I'm getting the good bits again with them which is lovely
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@BarkminsterBlue

I agree with primary age. My youngest is three and this is the first year he’s really engaged with it all.

It’s very hard work as a parent, however. I read somewhere recently that someone had realised that what they felt as ‘Christmas magic’ from their own childhood was in fact parents who loved them very much and worked hard to create that magic. I think that’s true.

Yes I think this is very true and also quite lovely in its own way.

Maybe that's why in Scotland Hogmanay felt so different when I was growing up, it was always made very clear that Christmas was for kids and New Year was for adults.

They are cute but very hard work too at those ages! Are you getting support from their dad (your partner), so you don't have to entertain them as well as seeing to dinner, cleaning up, playing, feeding and so on?

I think these days every day is seen as hard, years ago we just "lived". I think due to the internet and SM especially promotes a perfect life (which nobody lives) too much expectation is put on parents to provide "memories", magical Christmases, fantastical birthday's, exciting days out every weekend and action packed holidays. Just enjoy your children and to hell with what other parents are pretending to be. Just have normal family days where nothing goes to plan, the children act up, the parents get annoyed or fed up and swear that they will never take their monsters anywhere again. Just a normal family life .

@DueyCheatemAndHow

Thanks everyone, this has been really helpful. DH is very much of the of the 'keep things easy' brigade - he would have pizza if it was up to him- but I just want one nice meal! If it's not too arctic he will prob take them for a walk while i sort dinner

He can get them wrapped up warm and go for a walk, then pop some music on and have a glass of something whilst you cook dinner!

It's lovely when they're about 7-10.
Then it's all downhill again

When DS was 4 it was the first time he was really involved with Christmas. Even so we had to wait until he woke up after 9 a.m.

Kids absolutely make Xmas for me and it's entirely for them.

Between being a kid myself and having kids I wished the world would just swallow me on Xmas day.

I never understood adults who excitedly celebrate Xmas - it is literally just any other Sunday (but more depressing) with a usually disappointing gift that reminds you how little your loved ones pay attention to your interests (just look at the worst gift thread).

Every single bit of Xmas magic is designed for kids, from the first Xmas, my oldest kid was born the joy was reignited.

If your first is only tiny at Xmas I guess it could feel a little anticlimactic as they will sleep though etc... (my mid-child was only 2 months so had no clue) but my oldest was born on new year so he was basically 1 and fully comprehended everything.

Even if they are tiny though the fun of setting up the traditions for future years is still there.

For the magic - when mind were 3,5,and 7 but for practicality - when they are in their late teens/early 20s and can enjoy a glass of fizz with you but also go shopping and help to cook and do some cleaning too!

Mine were 'trained' from an early age that Christmas eve afternoon/evening they helped me prepare the veg for the next day so this is just an extension of that!

I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old. I think its fun now if you have low expectations and spread things out over a week. Last year we didn’t have Christmas until the 27th. The 5 year old is way easier than the 2 year old but they do play together nicely for between 10 to 30 mins.

@comfortablyfrumpy

It's lovely when they're about 7-10. Then it's all downhill again

Oh I don't agree it has to be this way, mine are still really into it, and all past secondary age now, some are adults.

We are just very Christmassy as a family I think.

I'd say anything between 3 and 12 is good. My youngest is nearly 3 and this is the first year for a few years that I haven't had the bottom of the tree stripped of baubles (I have a 4 year old too). Last year I got so mad with them doing it that I picked the tree up and threw it in the conservatory.

My 11 year old still loves the magic even though she doesn't believe in Santa anymore, my 13 year old will be a bit grumpy at first but will come round, and she enjoys it eventually, and my 17 year old is autistic and hates the fuss so she just gets on with unwrapping things in her own time, then disappears for the day. She'll show up for food, but we just tend to leave her to it to avoid overwhelming her.

I'm waiting too. I've got a 4 year old with ASD and a 2 year old and I actually just want it all to be over with this year!

Older one getting very over excited by it all then has a big meltdown afterwards. And all the visits to/from extended family just make it worse. Roll on January!

@mam0918 God love you. Your 1 year old 'fully comprehended everything'.

Behave yourself.

When they are old enough to understand it, I'd say from reception age?
My year one daughter is so excited and gets it this year, so I am loving her enthusiasm and it makes things easier

Mine are 6 and 9 and it’s been lovely the last 2 years. I mean still stressful getting the presents sorted and wrapped but the actual day has been so nice with them so excited for Santa. One Christmas Eve we were building a trampoline at midnight which was exhausting and last year my son woke up at half 2 thinking he could get up for the day but aside from being really tired it has been nice. They are old enough to go and play with new toys by themselves. I want to really make the most of this year as my son is only just about believing in Santa and def won’t next year. I think keep it as simple as poss. Buy ready cut and peeled veg and make it as easy as you can for yourself. In 2 years it will be so much easier

My DTs are nearly 4, and this is the first year they’ve ‘got’ Christmas. They’re quite excited about, and I’ve just had a chat with Santa to let him know that they’ve been busy doing housework to get ready for him (their rooms need to be tidied or Santa won’t go in there as it’s a H&S nightmare). I also reminded him I’ll grass them up if they go feral.

For the first time ever we sat down and watched a whole film yesterday, I’m quite excited about Christmas as are they! I’m sure there’ll be stressful parts but the last month or so I finally feel like we’ve turned the corner on their behaviour and are hopefully leaving the hell I’ve been in for the last two years

Can you do a lot of dinner prep the day before? That helps. Totally agree with others saying need for routine... good luck!