When is having kids lovely at Xmas?

[DueyCheatemAndHow]

Mine are 3 and 1. Don't get me wrong - I've spent a small fortune and a lot of thought on presents and I know the 3 year old will love his.

But. We have to stick to routine or all he'll breaks loose. Neither of them have any concentration span or ability to play alone (or even with me on one thing for a while). I want Xmas Dinner. It will be stressful because the children will be moaning for me while I'm cooking it and then we will spend 30 mins clearing the table, floor and surrounding areas up. I can see us going to the park to get out for a bit.

When will it start to feel a bit more relaxed? It's just the 4 of us.

When mine were that age my DH and I used to eat Xmas lunch on our own whilst they both napped.

It was a glorious moment of sanity in a crazy day. They were too little to enjoy the meal and we got some lovely down time. When they woke up we fed their either reheated Xmas lunch or something else I can’t remember.

They’re now 6 & 7 and it’s a lovely day and they join us for the meal. This will pass. Do what you need to do.

Mine is 4 and I’m really looking forward to it! It will still be hard work and I’m sure I won’t get the Christmas dinner I would like but that’s balanced out by the lovely stuff. We just have one child though which means it’s calmer.

When they pass their driving test and can pick
you up from the pub

I should say, for Christmas we don't really do 'Christmas dinner' - the kids are all fussy eaters anyway so it's not worth the time in the kitchen. I do a ham in the slow cooker and some easy veg and buy pre-prepped potatoes. But we would eat than on a normal weekend. One year I did fishfingers for the kids but my youngest was born just before Christmas, the others were 2 and 4 and I was in no place for cooking!

My sons are 15 and 17.

In answer to your question:

When they open their advent calendar each day that I still do for them and do the charade/sing the song/tell the joke, and scoff the chocolate I put in there. They do this mainly for me.

When I catch them singing a christmas song together while doing a job like washing up pans, that they are doing for me.

When they tell me, completely unprompte,d that they love Christmas and are looking forward to seeing everyone on Christmas Day. I suspect they do this to make me happy. It does.

When they accompany me to a Christmas fayre, or to decorate my dad's tree with me, or into the town to get some Christmas bits and bobs, and are great company and charming to the friends we meet when we are out. Makes me very proud.

When they are delighted and pleased with every single gift they unwrap on Christmas morning, and give me a kiss and a cuddle and say thankyou.

Love the bones of them.

Once the youngest is 3 it’s definitely easier! Next year the older one will be 4 and will remember this year so it will be really fun with them but (if they’re anything like mine) the younger one will just run around destroying things and be their usual exhausting self until at least 3. It definitely does get easier and nicer! Mine are 3 and 6 and it’s mostly lovely. I do look forward to next year when hopefully the little one will stop taking things off the tree and breaking them….

Mine are 4 and 2. Since my eldest started school I've noticed in general they're a bit easier - more independent. My 2 year old is just old enough to play with my 4 year old so I can manage my time to have a sit down with a drink or get some jobs done. Each year it gets easier. You also have two and they should be playing together next year which helps A LOT

The last few years have been adorable. This year they don’t believe in Father Christmas any longer (6 and 10) and it’s made things so much more relaxed for me! I’m not sad about it as I know we’ll still have a lovely break together.

I think you just get to the point where you enjoy the lovely moments as they happen because you know a tantrum or something is coming. The trick is just not to let the shit bits ruin the whole thing. That might just be my lax approach to parenting though.

@mistermagpie

Oh it's a never ending grind. We have three kids aged 2, 4 and 6. It's the same with holidays, I just can't imagine it being a relaxing and lovely time, The 6 year old on his own would be fine, so I'm thinking we've another 4 years to wait until they are all normal human beings?

We've had three Christmas days out recently, all of them had moments of proper joy and moments where I wondered what the hell I was doing with my life. This kind of sums up most days actually!! I'm hoping for more of the joy as they get older.

This is my actual life as well, except mine are slightly younger (5, 3 and 3 months)

Yesterday we took the 5 and the 3 year old skiing (we live overseas) and it was brilliant. I mean getting them into ski stuff was stressful but then there were moments of pure happiness. So hopefully in a few years time, when the baby is around that age, it should be ok? Right?!

Is it shit for you or shit for your dh as well? He could entertain them while you cook. And tidy up before dinner. He could even cook while you entertain them?! Sounds like a lot of it falls on you.

We stick to our normal routine as closely as possible for dd. She turns 3 next week, and honestly christmas is still just so overwhelming for her.
She won't eat a christmas dinner, so I'll be doing ours for our evening meal once she's settled and in bed 💀(bed time is 6, so not super late)
We tidy as we go, split presents throughout the day so it's not too much in one go. At this age, christmas is no more exciting than an ordinary day. My niece is 4, and this is the first year where she's really understanding all of it and excited for it.

Last year was our best one so far when dds were 4.5 and nearly 3 so you’re not too far off!! This year they are both so excited about Christmas and we’re entering the best years where we can do more together - we’ve been to Christmas fairs and watched Christmas movies, it’s definitely less stressful!

Children are hard work. In my experience it doesnt get any easier - just different problems/demands/challenges/etc.

We spent a few Christmas days just our family of 4 when they were very young. We didn't do a fussy Christmas dinner, instead cooked fillet steak, beef Wellington or one year had a fanxy duck prepared by Waitrose or M&S!

We added a few simple traditions, eg hot chocolate and cream on Christmas eve, didn't buy too many overwhelming toys. Always had a walk on Christmas day. Watched a film. And kept to the usual routine.

Our worst Christmas was when we decided to host all DH's family in our tiny house with a 3 year old and 3 month old. My Inlaws ignored the children and they were crying whilst we tried to cook dinner for 8. That was a very stupid thing to do. I think the time I first remember the children both filled with joy on Christmas day was when they were 2 and 5 and could play together.

Mine are 5 and 9 and I'd say this is peak magical. Luckily they both like a roast dinner. In your position get dh to take them out for a walk while you're cooking, if you time it right you should be able to get a shower in peace as well. If there's still time buy as much of the dinner ready made as you can so there's less pressure there.
Choose gifts carefully and put batteries in before you wrap. Lego/duplo is great for being immediately play-able. Get a board game you can all play (orchard games are good for very little kids). Make sure you watch the Julia Donaldson adaptation! Time your meal around naps. . This is a good thing about being home be ause at other people's houses you don't have control over meal timings.

Mine are 16 and 13 and I've never not found it lovely tbh. It was a bit tiring when they were little and got up at stupid o'clock though. For us, the key has been that we've only ever once spent Christmas with just the four of us (and didn't really enjoy it!). A house full of family means lots of people to entertain the dc, lots of people to help with the preparations. It also helps having a dh who's capable in the kitchen. On the couple of times we've hosted rather than being hosted by family on Christmas Day, dh was in full charge of the Christmas dinner.

Don't assume it will be rubbish once they are teens either! There's a whole thread about that atm and most posters are saying their teens still enjoy Christmas and join in with stuff.

I only have the one DD and tbh between wrangling between the two grans families about where we had to be when, I can barely remember Christmasses before she was 4 and she certainly wasn't the most stressful component!

Could your DP take the kids out to the park for an hour or so while you're at the business end of cooking and bring them back in time for you dishing up.

With a bit of luck they'll eat and then nap, or at least be up for a sofa snuggle and a movie so you can have a bit of a chill out.

Funnily enough, the one Christmas I can remember and place an age on it was her first year. The book of delight on her face when she saw all the presents and even more delight when they were opened and she found toys in them!

@Iamblossom

My sons are 15 and 17.

In answer to your question:

When they open their advent calendar each day that I still do for them and do the charade/sing the song/tell the joke, and scoff the chocolate I put in there. They do this mainly for me.

When I catch them singing a christmas song together while doing a job like washing up pans, that they are doing for me.

When they tell me, completely unprompte,d that they love Christmas and are looking forward to seeing everyone on Christmas Day. I suspect they do this to make me happy. It does.

When they accompany me to a Christmas fayre, or to decorate my dad's tree with me, or into the town to get some Christmas bits and bobs, and are great company and charming to the friends we meet when we are out. Makes me very proud.

When they are delighted and pleased with every single gift they unwrap on Christmas morning, and give me a kiss and a cuddle and say thankyou.

Love the bones of them.

That’s lovely.

It’s still full time tidying and and catering and washing-up all day, but with presents and some enforced sit-downs at some points!

Never stops being true 😬

The key to enjoying Christmas is lowering your expectations.

I used to take DS for a walk before going to the living room before he understood christmas if that makes sense, I think it helped keep some routine and give him some exercise before coming back and working slowly through the presents. I used to just buy stuff pre prepared to be honest- chicken in a bag, ready made roasts, stuffing, Yorkshire etc and then just boiled the veg. Also gave presents throughout the day so it wasn't an overwhelming, I guess don't feel like you have to follow x, y or z routine on Christmas day, find what works for you all.

5-10.

Mine are 12 and 10 and I fear we are coming out of the golden time into the mouldy time - DD12 going on 13, hormonal and huffing and puffing about all festivities I try to organise.

We walked home from our local cafe where I had taken them for Xmas hot chocolates in silence yesterday. In a hail back to toddler days I told them that I was not going to sit there another minute and listen to them bickering and complaining.

DD was sitting there with the most enormous delicious hot choc with cream and marshmallows and still spent the whole time complaining that her brother had a better deal with his raspberry cream cake (she had herself been given the option of a cake but chose hot choc !)

Something snapped inside and I said Right we are leaving. Once we got outside I gave them full stern mum. What an pair of absolute spoilt brats! How dare you behave like that and spoil what should be a nice occasion!! Etc etc you get the picture.

Then we walked home in silence whereupon DH also gave them a talking to.

Things have been better since then 🤣

I agree with primary age. My youngest is three and this is the first year he’s really engaged with it all.

It’s very hard work as a parent, however. I read somewhere recently that someone had realised that what they felt as ‘Christmas magic’ from their own childhood was in fact parents who loved them very much and worked hard to create that magic. I think that’s true.

Mine are 8 and 5 and it’s definitely a great age for Christmas.

Though I find there’s different kind of stresses. I’ve found this December to be pretty relentless from a mental load perspective - cajoling them into writing Christmas cards, keeping up with the requirements for nativity costumes, Christmas jumper days, parties etc. Remembering to book Santa’s grotto before they sell out. Keeping tabs on their ever changing Christmas lists so you can buy them a Santa gift they will be wowed by (DS5 has just asked for something that doesn’t exist but “it’s ok mum, the elves can make anything” ). Hiding Christmas presents becoming quite high stakes.