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Christmas

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Original poster

Right, I would like your honest opinions please. Go on, I can take it.

82 replies

Miaou · 18/12/2007 12:41

OK, imagine you had a relative with four dcs and no money. You yourself are reasonably well off, as are every other member of your family. Your relative with four dcs declares that they are not buying any Christmas presents, just sending a letter and a photo of the kids. In return, they don't expect to receive presents either for themselves or their kids.

Would you feel:

  • That they should at least send a token gift, even if it's a bit of tat from the pound shop?
  • That they should make more of an effort and buy nice things for the kids of the family?
  • That it doesn't really matter?

_ Or any other opinion?

Go on, be ruthless. I'm interested to know if I should be paranoid or not

OP posts:
CountessDraculaboredofxmasname · 18/12/2007 12:42

That they are being very sensible by not getting themselves into debt and not encouraging others so to do.

themulledsnowmanneredjanitor · 18/12/2007 12:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ajandjjmum · 18/12/2007 12:43

I would respect their responsible attitude. And I would buy pressies for them saying 'if the boot was on the other foot, I know you'd help us out'.

scorpio1 · 18/12/2007 12:43

i think that if they have no money then they shouldnt feel pressured to find that extra to match others.

i think if you want to get them something, get them some supermarket vouchers or something. we have similar situation with my inlaws. we are gettign them asda vouhers to help.

DrNortherner · 18/12/2007 12:43

That it doesn't really matter.

And if I were the reasonably well off one I would send presents for their kids regardless.

choosyfloosy · 18/12/2007 12:43

I would be absolutely fine with this (though 'declares' sounds a bit defensive, why not just say it?? )

However, I would certainly still give presents to the 4 children, and would look forward to the letter and photo

HuwEdwards · 18/12/2007 12:43

That it DEFINITELY doesn't matter - and I would still buy for them.

BrieVinDeAlkaSeltzer · 18/12/2007 12:44

Agree with Drac.

onepieceoflollipop · 18/12/2007 12:44

I definitely disagree with your first 2 options. If I was in their position I would have found it very hard to have to admit to my difficult financial situation.

Respect to that relative for feeling able to be honest and potentially not get into debt. With 4 children and no money it must be a real hardship to even get the essentials, let alone presents for other relative's children who will already have far more than they could play with...

bethoo · 18/12/2007 12:44

i would accept the card as it is the thought that counts, she did not have to do anything if she is that stuck for cash. i would get the kiddies something .

ginnedupudding · 18/12/2007 12:45

I would say that it doesn't really matter - Christmas is about more than presents (although I would probably still buy little presents for the kids so they don't feel left out!)

SantasGotABigFatEllieG · 18/12/2007 12:45

I think that shows a sensible attitude. I wouldn't send anything unless I was REALLY sure they wouldn't mind though as I personally would hate to feel beholden to anyone.

Snaf · 18/12/2007 12:45

What CD said.

It is ridiculous that people should feel obliged to spend money they don't have, 'for the kids' or not.

kittylouise · 18/12/2007 12:45

Would think it doesn't matter, and that they have got (a) a lot of sense not to bother getting themselves in debt for Christmas and (b) they have got balls to admit it.

I would personally still get their kids something small, and give it to them discreetly.

ChubbyStuckForAFestiveNameBurd · 18/12/2007 12:45

It doesn't matter. Your kids are lovely, a pic would be a kind gift. We're making photo DVDs to give this year, similar sort of thing. A letter is also nice, esp in amongst the reams of cards with "from x, y and the zs" hastily scribbled inside.

I would be touched, grateful and not even a bit offended (and quite glad not to have to fork out myself!)

Is it cold up there? Fecking freezing here!

lisalisa · 18/12/2007 12:45

Message withdrawn

onepieceoflollipop · 18/12/2007 12:46

apologies to any pedants.

I meant relatives' (of course)

Drusilla · 18/12/2007 12:46

I would think good on you for not spending money you haven't got, and then buy their children something anyway.

LetsAllHaveSomePIGGYpudding · 18/12/2007 12:46

I would say it doesn't really matter. I'd ask the relative if it would still be ok for me to buy presents for the dc. It really wouldn't bother me.

Dh's family buy such tat for everyone at Christmas (fluffy pink passport holder anyone?) and I've tried saying that we shouldn't bother but that gets met with howls of protest. People focus far too much on presents. IMHO.

AndATigerschickInAPearTree · 18/12/2007 12:46

Agree that it really does not matter.
Of course I'd still buy for their children.

dustyroad · 18/12/2007 12:47

When I read the first bit I assumed your dilemna was what to get them for Christmas as you didnt want to offend them but would like to get their DC something.

That would certainly be my only possible concern I wouldnt be slightest bit concerned about what they were buying me/my DC.

ConnorTraceptive · 18/12/2007 12:47

It definately doesn't matter.

I wouldn't send expensive gifts to their children as they may feel embarrased that they can't reciprocate. Maybe just a book voucher.

WanderingHolly · 18/12/2007 12:47

I'd think fair enough.

SantasSmartArse · 18/12/2007 12:48

Doesn't matter in the slightest if they send gifts or not. If they can't afford to, then they shouldn't. Sending a card and a photo is nice because it shows they are thinking of you even if they can't afford to give you anything. If it were me, I'd still get something for the DCs and send them a card wishing them all the best for Christmas and the New Year.

I have to say that I never keep a tally of who has sent what/how much it cost or whatever.

Sidge · 18/12/2007 12:48

I wouldn't mind at all that they weren't doing presents, but I wouldn't buy pressies for them as it might be seen as a "well we can afford them even if you can't" sort of thing.

If you have agreed no pressies, then you pitch up with gifts, it might be seen to undermine their agreement and they could think that you haven't taken them seriously and then feel that they should have got you something after all.

I would send a card with a Giftcard for a supermarket in it maybe, then they can get some groceries, a bottle of wine or a tin of biscuits or something.