Right, I would like your honest opinions please. Go on, I can take it.

[Miaou]

OK, imagine you had a relative with four dcs and no money. You yourself are reasonably well off, as are every other member of your family. Your relative with four dcs declares that they are not buying any Christmas presents, just sending a letter and a photo of the kids. In return, they don't expect to receive presents either for themselves or their kids.

Would you feel:

• That they should at least send a token gift, even if it's a bit of tat from the pound shop?

• That they should make more of an effort and buy nice things for the kids of the family?

• That it doesn't really matter?

_ Or any other opinion?

Go on, be ruthless. I'm interested to know if I should be paranoid or not

sorry pointy, it was meant to be a reasoned explanation and turned into a bit of a rant - please don't take it personally! I'm 99% comfortable with what I'm doing, and 1% defensive and feel I need to justify it. Argh. But thank you, your point is welcome.

i found it pretty understandable before the big spell out, pd.
is broke. has 4 kids. is trying to do right thing by warning in advance. the rest is for others to work out/on.

I think you are definately doing the right thing. I feel really bad when people feel they have to buy presents when I know they cant afford it. My sil has just had twins, they are really skint but as they have always spoiled my children she says she really wants to and would feel bad if she didnt buy them a big present. So despite us talking about it she has spent about £200 on us (me dp and 3 children). So to go with their christmas presents Ive bought her a couple of packets of nappies, wipes and formula and cos I know their road tax is due Ive gave them something towards the cost of that.
On the other hand another of my friends has told everyone that they have no money and cant buy anyone anything so dont want or expect anything for Christmas. Ive got them some chocs but am glad that they arent buying what they cant afford.

Next year we have decided and got most of family to agree that instead of gifts we will all go otu for a nice meal with all the people we would normally buy presents for much cheaper and more enjoyable

off ma case, onebat, i'm embarrassed enough

sorry pd not trying to make you feel crapper..

Miaow, we always make our sacks useful - such as shampoo, toothe brushes, toothe paste, flannel etc, girls love it! Also added a few treats!

I really am in adoration in the way you treat Christmas, wish I could.

I would admire their honesty, it is very rare, and i think most people spend above their means at this time for whatetever reason I think most lovely people, of which I am one, would be delighted with the thought that counts.I would give gifts according to my spare cash, basically reciprocating= some years you're loaded, some years you're not! Real friends are well aware of this principle and our children should be learning it too. It's basic christian spirit and anyone who is observing christmas will uphold this.