Is it ever fair to spend more on one child?

[Footballkids]

I have a 13yo and a 6yo.

I'm thinking that we are going to end up spending more on the 13yo this year. There are a few things I'd like to get him, they are all quite expensive, but some are clothing items. A branded hoodie from JD for example can be pricey so stuff like that is usually given as gifts.

My 6yo really doesn't need anything, but will end up with a nice few presents as toys are cheaper and some things can be bought second hand and he'd never know the difference. So his gifts will actually look like more. Youngest tends to get more clothing bought throughout the year because it's cheaper, grown out of faster and cheaper aside to buy for.

Anyway I'm rambling but I'm sure you'll know what I mean.

I'd say absolutely!

You want to give the same amount of joy and show the same amount of care. How you do that is largely irrelevant.

I think that’s totally reasonable. It would never have occurred to me to think about the $ value of gifts for my kids. I’m pretty sure a 6-year-old won’t be thinking in those terms! (And if they are, you have a bigger problem on your hands!) ;-)

It depends. Sometimes I find that one needs more things than the other at Christmas or Birthdays but then it evens up the next year.

I am always conscious of what one has over the other and make an effort to level things out later on

I think it's fine to spend a bit more on the teenager his bits and bobs are going to cost more and the 6 year old isn't really going to appreciate clothes yet.

Course it is! My 6 year old at least would have no clue how much his presents cost, just that he’s very lucky. Different kids have different requirements/wants/needs.

Absolutely!

My 4 year old has a list of demands for her Christmas present list this year
My 1 year old would probably be happy if I gave him a stick I found in the park.

You do need to, we did.

Yes of course. By the time the 6yo is 13, the 13yo will be an adult most likely with their own job and the tables will turn on who will get more spent on them.

Fair doesn't have to mean they both get the same.

Absolutely. I never, ever go on equal monetary value. My kids are closer in age so as long as it's FEELS fair that's fine by me. With your two having quite a large gap you'll find that you'll spend the money on the bigger ticket items when the little one gets to that age too.

Fairer way to look at it... what did you spend on the 13yo when they were six?

Mine are 3 and a half year apart. They are very different in personality and interests. I don’t spend equally on them or balance the number of presents. I try to buy what they have asked for or other things that I find that I think that they would like. They are individuals and have presents accordingly. I think it balances out over time.

Of course! My 3 year old is getting way more than my 1 year old this year, because 1 year old has got all of 3 year old’s toys handed down and doesn’t really need anything or understand what’s going on. With such a big age gap your kids’ needs are totally different. Fair doesn’t have to mean exactly the same.

Yes. As pp said it evens out in the long run.

To add to my previous... treating your children equally and fairly doesn't mean treating them exactly the same.

Absolutely. They will all be expensive teens at some point. I ensure sane number of gifts to open but budgets vary.

Definitely ok just as long as it balances out over the years

Of course it is! In 5 years time when you older child starts university / college/ an apprenticeship/ learns to drive, will you give the same money to a ten year old ?

Yes it’s fine, it’s inevitable and no one cares c

Yes it does all even out in the end. They both have different needs at different times. The 6yo definitely won't be aware of the costs and is a very lucky boy.

I'm thinking of it in terms of a branded hoodie for eldest that might cost £40 is equivalent to a Minecraft hoodie for youngest that costs £15 or a small toy, not a £40 box of lego.

Yes reasonable. We do most years. As long as they get roughly the same amount to open and get what they have asked for we don’t think about the £ figure. It will even up over the years.

I've never worried about keeping it even. So long as everyone is equally pleased on the day and that it's relatively equitable in the long run, that's fine.

Absolutely fine, I think.

Just like employees that rack up extra days holiday the longer they work for an employer. Your 13yr old has done more time

Seriously. As long as both feel equally treated and loved - all is well.

Of course!
Fair is not always even & even is not always fair.

Of course. No point in buying stuff the 6 year old doesn't want/need just for the sake of making it "fair".
Maybe you could keep it in mind and end up spending a little more on them for birthdays or throughout the year, but if not I still don't think that's unreasonable.

Yes, I think so. The way I see it is that it will all balance out eventually, but the fact it your 6yo doesn’t need the same expensive stuff that your teen does…but he will in a few years time so it will balance out then!

My DC are 13, 9 and 3. It would be ridiculous of me to spend the same amount on my 3yo as my 13yo just because. Fair does not always mean equal. As long as I have three equally delighted children on Christmas morning then that’s fair!