Is it ever fair to spend more on one child?

[Footballkids]

I have a 13yo and a 6yo.

I'm thinking that we are going to end up spending more on the 13yo this year. There are a few things I'd like to get him, they are all quite expensive, but some are clothing items. A branded hoodie from JD for example can be pricey so stuff like that is usually given as gifts.

My 6yo really doesn't need anything, but will end up with a nice few presents as toys are cheaper and some things can be bought second hand and he'd never know the difference. So his gifts will actually look like more. Youngest tends to get more clothing bought throughout the year because it's cheaper, grown out of faster and cheaper aside to buy for.

Anyway I'm rambling but I'm sure you'll know what I mean.

I do every Christmas.

It depends on how your open presents..we do one at a time, therefore I like to have equal numbers of parcels. Now they are teens it's a small pile not a mountain of gifts. I think in a few years it will be one main gift!
You can pad out gifts with socks, pj's ,novelty toothbrush etc.

Yes that's fine. We're spending much much more on my 3 year old than my 1 year old this year, for obvious reasons! Also I always get some stuff second hand, so some bits will look more expensive but actually be cheaper.

Of course! Making the budget exactly equal is where madness lies with age gaps like that. I make the amount as equal as possible (they've never ever counted though so wouldn't actually notice).

Yes as PP have said it evens out. I've bought older kids expensive gifts like a PC or phone. I haven't spent the equivalent amount on younger ones as it's ridiculous but when it's age appropriate they'll get their own pc etc.

Of course it is. (Hopefully) your 6 year old has no idea of monetary value.

I generally don't think about the cost and more about making the items equal. So if eldest child gets a game for the Switch then youngest child would get a board game. Eldest gets some new clothes, youngest gets some, same with crafty bits, play sets etc.

However mine are both primary aged and have no clue how much things cost. I think if I had two teenagers it would be very different because they are so aware of this kind of thing.

@mam0918

I disagree, I would never spend more on one than the other.

My oldest probably did get more spent on him when little before he had siblings because we didn't have internet or transport so was limited and learning how to do Xmas but he also got more charity shop/2nd hand stuff since he had siblings it's always been the same set amount.

It will change when he hits adulthood (no more Santa sack etc...) but it will even out by getting more spent on his gifts from us and stocking.

Inequality and favoritism doesn't fly in my house and people spout crap like 'it evens out' but it rarely does, I know so many people that are bitter and have issues from parents blatant favoritism that they feel never 'evened out' that I call bull on the idea kids don't notice or care.

Omg what an utter bunch of rubbish. Your spewing crap like my mother who “NEVER EVER HAD FAVOURITES” spews when she’s trying to pretend she treat all her children equally.

As the least favoured child who was treat very differently to my siblings I say this is utter crap.

All 3 of my children will be getting roughly the same amount to open but costs will vary wildly, they have 2 things each on their lists, one has chosen something over £300 as her main gift, the 2nd wants a £20 gift as her main gift, the 3rd is only 4 she won’t get exactly what she wants but she will get the brand she wants but different toys as I bought them in Aldi’s clearance months ago, come Christmas Day she won’t care. All 3 are getting exactly what the want, and then some. The monetary value means absolutely nothing especially at this age. Even as adults, giving the same amount means more to the parent.

I also think mam0918 is talking utter nonsense. It’s not about favouritism or inequality, it’s about understanding that different children, especially of different ages, have different wants and needs! My 3 children have a 10 year age gap between them. Do you really think that if my 13yo needed laptop, I should then spend hundreds of pounds of my 3yo, just to make it ‘equal’? What a ridiculous and irresponsible attitude. Fair does not mean equal. If I compare what I’m buying my DD this Christmas with what I bought my DS when he was 3 it is roughly equal. When my youngest DD is 13 and needs a laptop, she will get one. Of course it evens out. The most important thing is the DC’s perception of fair and feeling equally loved. If they have equally delighted faces on Christmas morning, which they always do, then it’s fine.

I don't know. I wouldn't expect to spend the same on a 6 year old as a 13 year old no, but I think it shouldn't be a massive disparity. If they are close in age I would expect roughly similar unless there's something that's needed and the other will get when they are that age. Like a laptop when you turn 16 type thing.

Saying one wants an ipad and the other a 20 Teddy doesn't really hold water. You can easily have a child who will push their luck with their list and one who knows an ipad is a lot of money and so wouldn't think of asking. I think most children after about 6 do have a grasp of money and know roughly what they are asking for.

I also don't think a branded hoodie and a small toy are the same. A branded hoodie is an expensive item, I would say a decent logo set or something and a branded hoodie are the same. It's a middle tier present.

I’m in the same boat, DS is 13 and all he likes is gaming, he’s not into football, not into clothes so his is more expensive. Dd is 9 and likes Lego and anything arty, so hers will be fairly cheaper. I look at it this way... you’ll be doing the same for your DS in 7 years time and your older DS will be an adult...

I think it's fine. I have a 4yo and almost 1yo. I'd say by the time I finish buying I've probably spent close to double on my eldest. My youngest really doesn't need anything so we've spent much less. He'll likely be more interested in the wrapping paper this year anyway!

@caringcarer

Not Xmas OP but my eldest son bought house in North East and I gave him £8.5k for deposit, that was 10 percent. My younger son wants to buy a house closer to home and will need more like £18k deposit, also about 10 percent to buy his home as he earns less than elder son. I don't feel bad as both given about 10 percent deposit. However both friends and my sister are outraged I have given my younger son more. Both sons are happy which is all that matters to me. I will even up through will when I die.

That is totally different

And a £10k difference between siblings to buy a house is a big deal

I’m sure the younger child is delighted but I doubt the elder one is

I spend more on my younger DS as boys stuff seems to be more expensive but the kids are still only bothered on who gets the biggest gift so try to buy similar size rather than price.

I also think it’s harder when you have multiple children fairly close in age. I have 3 DDs, in theory my youngest dosnt actually need anything at all, as many people who have walked into my home have said, I could literally open a toy shop. It’s not just toys, we have clothes, books, bikes, scooters, play houses, trampoline… all gifts given to the older 2 that the youngest has inherited. For my firsts DDs 1st birthday and Christmas, she had lots spent on her but by the time number 3 came along we ended up spending £10 at a car boot as she didn’t actually need anything so we just bought a few bits that were different. Same with birthdays and Christmas’ over the years she’s had a lot of things brought out of the attic we put aside so we’ve not needed to actually spend money. Or I’ve sold perfectly good toys just to buy something similar so she thinks she’s getting something new and her own.

I think with that age gap it's totally fine.

I usually try to keep to a similar number of presents between my 3 as we also open them one at a time.

If your younger child has the presents they want, then that's going to be a fabulous Christmas for them. Buying additional and unasked for stuff just to even the money is unnecessary.

Sometimes it works out evenly costed and sometimes it doesn't. You have to just use your judgement.

For example, last year all 3 of mine needed new bikes, so that was straightforward. No doubt the youngest's smaller bike was less expensive but they all received an equal amount of presents, so I'm not going to worry about the £50 less spent on the youngest purely because the bike is smaller.

This year my middle child wants a Nintendo switch.

Christmas in our house tends to be lots of presents because we don't buy toys etc during the year, and they get one present from us for their birthdays.

He's 8 so old enough to understand that his present is very expensive. I'm not going to spend £100's more on him to give him an even amount of presents with his sisters.

So for the first time the present piles will look very different, but he's been made aware of that in advance and he doesn't really want many other things. I've spent similar money on all three kids.

I try to do what feels fair at the time, based on the needs/wants of my kids.

I try to make sure my DCs have the same number of presents each, but the costs wildly differ! Luckily none of them are of an age where they think about money yet.

We do it a bit differently. They all get the same amount put aside, and gifts they want accordingly bought from that budget. Any excess it put in a savings account for them, to be used later when their tastes get more expensive (ie as a teenager). But it's the same amount every year for birthday and Christmas for each child so it all evens out for us.

I have a 12 year old and a 5 year old and as long as it looks like they are getting the same pile then cost doesn’t matter so much and it will even out as won’t be spending as much next year.I try and follow the rule of something to wear, something to read, something to play with. My son is getting an iPad this year as a main present however I did give in and get my daughter a barbie house mainly as I’m not spending a small fortune on a party this year due to covid. I base it on what they both want and go from there.

It balances out over the years. One year one may need/want something expensive and the following year it may be far cheaper but the other have a more expensive gift.

Yes, it's totally ok. I have a 12yr old and a 1year old, with a few inbetween. The 12yr old has big Lego sets costing £££, and has asked for a laptop, the baby will be getting a shape sorter and a few other bits. It would be silly to spend the same just for the hell of it. If it's budget driven, I would say for example the budget is £500 and split it however it's needed between them, rather than making sure it's £250 each.

@mam0918

I disagree, I would never spend more on one than the other.

My oldest probably did get more spent on him when little before he had siblings because we didn't have internet or transport so was limited and learning how to do Xmas but he also got more charity shop/2nd hand stuff since he had siblings it's always been the same set amount.

It will change when he hits adulthood (no more Santa sack etc...) but it will even out by getting more spent on his gifts from us and stocking.

Inequality and favoritism doesn't fly in my house and people spout crap like 'it evens out' but it rarely does, I know so many people that are bitter and have issues from parents blatant favoritism that they feel never 'evened out' that I call bull on the idea kids don't notice or care.

How does this work though if one wants a large gift, say a console or bike for example, and the other wants a few books and lamp. Do you not allow one to have the larger gifts and get things they don't really want, or does the one who only wants a few things end up with a huge pile of stuff they never asked for?

With that age gap yes because you will spend the extra equivalent once the youngest is a teen. I've also done it in years when one needed a laptop or phone, then another year the other gets the more expensive gift

I’m sure it’s been said many times already...

But yes, of course it’s fair, and perfectly fine.

A 6 year old will be very happy with well chosen cheaper gifts. 13 year olds often want or need more expensive items, so they will likely get a smaller pile.

It's fine, I wouldn't buy stuff for the sake of it, especially in this climate.
Plus prices can vary hugely. One year I bought an expensive gift for half price. The gift was still worth more and I didn't even think to top it up so that the correct amount of money had been spent.