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Original poster

Anyone know how to deal with rellies who are chronically late at Xmas

85 replies

vincettenoir · 02/10/2021 17:13

Xmas lunch at my parents home is very chaotic. My siblings are very late (think 2 to 3 hours) and it is stressful waiting for them getting increasingly hangrier while elderly parents spin out with chaotic energy.

I am toying spending this Xmas with my side of the family. But I don’t like the status quo. I don’t want to host as everyone will turn up late and never leave.

I have thought about suggesting going out for lunch but I think the lateness will be a problem again.

Does anyone have a similar problem that they have worked out how to deal with?

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 02/10/2021 17:14

I would hate to wait for my Christmas dinner! It's completely selfish to be so late. Can't they understand that?

Thebookswereherfriends · 02/10/2021 17:15

Why not just have your own meal at your house and then go and visit for a couple of hours at your parent’s?

StillWeRise · 02/10/2021 17:16

if they've been given a definite time to arrive, wait half an hour and then start without them
if you are hosting, tell them to arrive an hour before you actually want them- and start eating once they are half an hour past that time
very rude- unless there's an absolute emergency, and very rude if elderly people or small children involved

IAmSantaOhYesIAm · 02/10/2021 17:17

Tell them to be there 2-3 hours before dinner is planned?
Or tell them dinner will be served at 2pm whether they’re there or not, they can have what’s leftover and pop it in the microwave.
It’s rude to be that late.

GoWalkabout · 02/10/2021 17:18

Either plough on without them or flip the schedule so that you have a nice easy lunch and then the roast in the evening. Up to the hosts really but I understand your frustration, very rude.

cheesypasta · 02/10/2021 17:19

Book to go out for a meal, but make the booking 2 hours later than the time you tell them? You could offer to collect your parents and then say on the day there's been a mix up, then you can spend some more relaxed time with them before meeting the latecomers.

In4mation · 02/10/2021 17:19

Yup, let them miss dinner. I definitely wouldn’t be hanging around 2/3 hours.

Luckyelephant1 · 02/10/2021 17:19

Tell them a time of 2 hours earlier than you actually want them to be there, that way they will arrive at the time you want them to. Or have strong words with them about not being selfish gits this year?

SirChenjins · 02/10/2021 17:21

You have a few choices.

  1. Get your parents to tell them dinner is three hours earlier than it actually is.
  2. Get your parents to tell them dinner is at a certain time and make it very clear that if they are not there when you serve it they will go without.
  3. Don’t invite them.
  4. Host yourself.
  5. Eat before you go to your parents.
whinetime89 · 02/10/2021 17:23

I have had this before. I say we are sitting to eat at 1:30pm and if you are late unfortunately you will miss out. No if buts or maybes.

lazylinguist · 02/10/2021 17:23

OMG that would absolutely drive me nuts! How selfish of them! Yes, tell them to cone 3hrs earlier than you want them to arrive!

BeepingBB · 02/10/2021 17:24

Tell them dinner is at 2pm. If they're late they won't be served.

Also tell them that they are welcome to stay til 5pm, following which you have evening plans.

HollowTalk · 02/10/2021 17:25

The trouble is that if they don't know what time the relatives will turn up, you can bet your life they will turn up just as the family starts to eat. That would really piss me off to have my meal interrupted.

Bortles · 02/10/2021 17:26

Ive got a chronically late friend. I now tell her to come at a time an hour earlier than I want her.

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 02/10/2021 17:26

I don't wait.
I tell people what time something will be happening and if they are late, tough shit. I'll give it an extra 15 minutes or so but beyond that (if they haven't rung to say they're running late) I won't wait

So I suggest you simply eat without them.
When they moan, remind them you told them what time lunch was.

loubielou31 · 02/10/2021 17:27

Why are your siblings always late? Is it just them, do they have other family members that they see in the morning? children who are difficult to pry away from new toys? Do they not really want to be there? How many are you? I promise it's not just nosiness,

DarkDarkNight · 02/10/2021 17:29

2-3 hours is taking the piss. Start without them!

trappedsincesundaymorn · 02/10/2021 17:37

"Lunch WILL be at 1pm. If you are not here by then bring your own or expect toast."

Karwomannghia · 02/10/2021 17:39

Don’t start cooking till they arrive but have snacks in for stop hanger.

CatKittyCatCatKittyCatCat · 02/10/2021 17:39
  1. Tell them the wrong time
Or
  1. Eat at specified time and let them have leftovers when they arrive
Or
  1. Do a buffet
HeyFloof · 02/10/2021 17:39

This happened to us. Relatives got later and later, cutting it very fine for lunch. One year they showed up with three extra people (two we'd never met).

The last time it happened they were an hour and a forty five minutes late for dinner. We ate as scheduled. When they arrived, the chef hit the roof. They've never been invited since for Christmas.

It wouldn't have been so bad (it would!) but they always turned up empty handed and expected to be waited on hand and foot.

I'd vote for going out for dinner, if they're late and miss the food slot in a restaurant, that's their problem to solve. Not like the chippy is open on the way back!

HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 02/10/2021 17:41

I'd tell them what time dinner will be on the table and that they need to either be there or a plate will be served up and set aside and they can microwave it when they get there. End of. Do not wait for them, do not give in to any whingeing, they either show up on time or they miss the communal family dinner.

JuneOsborne · 02/10/2021 17:41

What time do you want them? Is it that they have small kids, a relaxed morning and need more time? Are the start times simply too early for them to manage?

Discuss it with them. Hey, in an ideal world, what time would you be at ours for Christmas dinner? Do we start too early for you?

HeyFloof · 02/10/2021 17:42

People who are late like this do so, and get away with it, because they know other people are often too polite and just tolerate it. They take the piss and it's really selfish and rude.

There's running behind and then there's being chronically late and it affecting other people.

Pantsomime · 02/10/2021 17:46

Just say dinner is served at x time, yours will be plated and left to go cold on the bench if you are late