Anyone know how to deal with rellies who are chronically late at Xmas

[vincettenoir]

Xmas lunch at my parents home is very chaotic. My siblings are very late (think 2 to 3 hours) and it is stressful waiting for them getting increasingly hangrier while elderly parents spin out with chaotic energy.

I am toying spending this Xmas with my side of the family. But I don’t like the status quo. I don’t want to host as everyone will turn up late and never leave.

I have thought about suggesting going out for lunch but I think the lateness will be a problem again.

Does anyone have a similar problem that they have worked out how to deal with?

We have this but with my MIL who is the cook. She can’t deal with time management. We feed the kids at a time so they will be hungry enough for lunch but when it doesn’t arrive for hours and hours everyone is grumpy and starving and starts eats chocolate etc. Other times we eat later to anticipate it and it is on time. But she’s the cook so you can’t exactly complain. I normally try to avoid it but we have been locked in already this year.

Yep, agree with the plate up and microwave idea. Excellent thought

Invite them for the evening, have your lunch without them.

Re the hungry young kids issue, I ended up always feeding mine before we went to some relatives, which solved that one.

If the dinner was on time/something they'd eat, they'd pick at it, but that was ok. If it was late/cold curried rice with octopus - no problem.

Quite often I'd give them a car picnic on the way.

Tell them dinner will be served at X time, and stick to it. If they miss the dinner it might be the kick up the bum they need not to be so bloody rude and selfish.

Tell them dinner will be at 2pm. Plan for it to be at 3pm.

Text them at 2pm ish to say - turkey just out of oven and roasties going in now, cant wait to see you. xxx

If they are not there at 3pm, text to say - sorry you are running late, everything is ready so we have served up and put a plate in the oven for you, hope you get here soon. Cheers!! xxx

Great texts from @Seemssounfair below ⬇️ They work perfectly for your situation

I have a family member who is notorious for being chronically late to everything. Except things I'm in control of.

I don't fuss, I don't fret, I just let them know what time x will be, and when that time comes, I proceed accordingly. If they're not ready, that's okay, I will proceed without them. They know that I mean what I say, and I say what I mean.

My mother and sister are mystified as to how I never spend my life waiting upon this family member. It's quite simple. They know I won't. I won't get in a lather, I don't get angry, I don't let them control my actions.

So I'd be saying 'just so you know, whether you are here or not, we will be eating at x time. We'll be very happy if you're here to join us, but if you're not, that's fine. But be very clear, we will be sitting down to eat at this time, with or without you, and if you arrive mid-way through, you will need to sort yourselves out, because we will be enjoying our Christmas meal. If you could let us know before hand whether you will be joining us, that would be ideal, but if you don't, and you're not there, we'll be assuming that you are not, and proceeding accordingly.'

I wouldn't wait that long to serve up! I'd wait maybe half an hour if uncharacteristic and a message of 'sorry unexpected traffic' etc. However since they always do it, if they aren't there at whatever time you plan it for, say 2, just drop them a text saying 'Just about to serve up now, not sure how late you'll be but there will be some waiting for you when you get here'.

Or choose not to host. If you go out and they're late that js their problem. Obviously restaurant will not let you wait hours. Just tell them what time reservation is if you go down that route.

@MurielSpriggs I do agree with this, but I also think that sometimes one has to have one year where one accepts in one's head that this may well happen, to press the reset button on some behaviours and counterbehaviours that have got out of hand (such as waiting... and waiting... that also messes everyone else's day up anyway).