Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

Original poster

Anyone know how to deal with rellies who are chronically late at Xmas

85 replies

vincettenoir · 02/10/2021 17:13

Xmas lunch at my parents home is very chaotic. My siblings are very late (think 2 to 3 hours) and it is stressful waiting for them getting increasingly hangrier while elderly parents spin out with chaotic energy.

I am toying spending this Xmas with my side of the family. But I don’t like the status quo. I don’t want to host as everyone will turn up late and never leave.

I have thought about suggesting going out for lunch but I think the lateness will be a problem again.

Does anyone have a similar problem that they have worked out how to deal with?

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 02/10/2021 17:50

But then there is a huge palaver if they arrive while you are eating. You have to get everything out of the oven again and your own meal is spoilt. And then do you set the table for everyone or just for those who are there? I just wouldn't want to spend Christmas day with them.

jerometheturnipking · 02/10/2021 17:50

Surely if it's a booking they can't be late for that?? You'll have been, eaten and left in 2-3 hours.

Notaroadrunner · 02/10/2021 17:51

Invite your parents and leave the rest to sort their own Christmas Day plans. Or just have your own Christmas dinner and visit parents in the evening.

waltzingparrot · 02/10/2021 17:59

Could you do a 4pm Christmas dinner (presume they could get there for then) and just eat festive nibbles at noon or a brunch.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 02/10/2021 18:02

I had this with rellies, either turning up at the crack of dawn for 1 pm invitation, when we were still in PJs to "get any early start" while DH downed tools to entertain them.

Its slightly difficult as its your parents who are hosting, but you could persuade them to email the timings to everyone.. eg arrive at 1.00 pm lunch is served at 2.00 pm, latecomers will have to fend for themselves.

Original poster
vincettenoir · 02/10/2021 18:14

Thanks everyone. There are some good ideas here. I like the idea of hosting and telling people when they need to leave beforehand. That way if / when they’re late there’s the understanding that they can’t stay all night. I also like the idea of having lunch with my immediate family at a time that suits me and then popping into parents for a couple of hours early evening. I’ll keep thinking on it.

For those asking why they are late, well there’s no short answer to that. I think it’s a complex compulsive behaviour and it’s not going to come to an end any time soon.

OP posts:
PrincessPaws · 02/10/2021 18:24

Tell them to arrive 3 hours earlier than you need them to?

Gardenlass · 02/10/2021 18:30

This drives us insane. Not a Christmas meal, but any other invitations, siblings are always late.
We have started doing a cold buffet instead of a hot meal.
If it's a Christmas lunch then they are being very inconsiderate. Lunches take planning and no-one wants to eat a cold Christmas lunch.

HoppingPavlova · 02/10/2021 18:35

I’d tell them to come 3hr earlier than you want them.

EllieSattler · 02/10/2021 18:37

Go out for lunch at 1. Invite them to come at 3. Assume they'll arrive just about on time for drinks and an evening buffet served at 6.

MushMonster · 02/10/2021 18:38

I would start eating and serve them when they make it there.
Surely they have been somewhere else and they are not even hungry

Howshouldibehave · 02/10/2021 18:39

That’s just rude.

I would say, we are hosting Xmas but you are always late-do you actually want to come?

Then if they say they do, say you’ll be dishing food up at 2, whether they’re there or not

MurielSpriggs · 02/10/2021 18:40

Make it an evening meal, which in many ways is nicer anyway, but do not tell anyone this. Tell them to be there at 2. Put a light buffet out at 1 for anyone who wants it. They'll arrive at 5. Time for a drink, presents whatever. Dinner at 7.

kwiksavenofrillsusername · 02/10/2021 18:41

This would annoy me too. And I wouldn’t bother myself telling them the wrong time or whatever. It would just be like ‘dinner is at Xpm’ and they can decide when they want to show up. If they’re not on time, put a plate aside for them if you’re feeling generous and they can warm it up later. If you’re not in a great mood, then the dog can have a great Xmas dinner.

MurielSpriggs · 02/10/2021 18:52

The problem with the dinner-at-X-whether-you're-here-or-not approach is that you're setting up the whole event to be confrontational and to have a horrible atmosphere when whoever is there sits down to eat at 2pm sharp, but aunty Maude isn't comfortable with it and keeps saying "let's wait five mins" but you shove her turkey in front of her anyway, then no one really relaxes, the latecomers arrive in dribs and drabs variously apologetic and affronted that you're eating without them. Do you serve them? So they get their own? Do they sit in the other room? The whole thing will be an ongoing argument!

00100001 · 02/10/2021 18:56

Eat without them

Talk them dinner is at 12, but serveit at 3.

LorenzoVonMatterhorn · 02/10/2021 18:59

Id also tell them to arrive at 12. Serve nibbles then and dinner at 3. Dont wait. If they areive after three tell them to plate up themselves when they arrive.

Cuddlemuffin · 02/10/2021 18:59

Could you do brunch then a later dinner to avoid the hanger? Chronic lateness can't be cured so I would avoid if it really grates on you x

Whentheydontmeanwhattheysay · 02/10/2021 19:02

BIL was always like this. One year I just dished up and started eating and, when they arrived half way through our main, I told them everything was on low in the oven keeping warm and to dish themselves up.

We’ve now actually ended up going to theirs for a few years though.

QueenofLouisiana · 02/10/2021 19:03

Go out for lunch. Restaurants generally serve at a set time, if you aren’t there it’s tough luck.

MurielSpriggs · 02/10/2021 19:04

Nobody is going to believe you are eating Christmas lunch at 12, least of all the chronically late Grin

TeapotCollection · 02/10/2021 19:10

Bollocks to that. We go away to avoid all this shit, just the two of us a couple of hours drive away in a holiday flat overlooking the sea

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/10/2021 19:12

Plate up all the dry food, put in the oven to 'keep warm' and pour any leftover gravy down the sink.

I can't stand late people.

TartanJumper · 02/10/2021 19:16

Have a massive breakfast and take snacks.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 02/10/2021 19:18

My bil used to do this,(because he was a sabotaging bastard who enjoyed upsetting everyone) My parents, well my dad, told him not to be a selfish arse and if he did it again he’d drive over, collect my dsis and her kids and not him and he wouldn’t be welcome. They didn’t come again for a meal, but he appeared with my dsis in tears for the afternoon just as we were sitting down to dinner. Smirking. The twat.