Poncetastic Christmas 2021

[VivaJen]

Welcome to the 2021 Poncetastic thread. With a nod to Fellatio (wherever she is), at the stroke of midnight, let the poncing commence.

OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobs worth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapés and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessie’s' on the packet, this is not the thread for you".

I'm just placemarking so I can admire everyone else's work.

I'll make some cards later on, but that'll be it, apart from flower arrangements. (I've done an autumn/Harvest vase this week for the dining room).

I love looking at everyone else’s creations too. 🎄🎄🎄

www.elledecor.com/design-decorate/trends/g13/alternative-christmas-trees/

Lots of interesting tree alternatives here Scumbag
Some don’t look too difficult if you are wanting to try making?

Lovely ideas there OnTheHill. Just been looking at it and thinking what we can do. Might end up with many alternatives to Christmas trees at this rate!

I have done a branch in a big vase with stones but for you, as you say, anything you drag in from outdoors will have pollen on.
I guess you could use wood that has been planed/sanded like thick dowling for the hanging wall trees?
Let us know what you end up with 🤶

Love these threads. Am a great poncer in my head, not so much in reality but do like to try and make the place look cosy .
Have bought new fairy lights for the mantelpiece and lined the red curtains with fleece to make the room warmer.
Will make a cake soon. - I always do the Nigella boiled fruit cake as it’s idiot proof. Last year I cut the middle out and mum got a little cake for herself made from the middle bit, and we had a ring cake. I filled the hole in the ring with baubles. It looked great.
Think will try a wreath this year - have holly, ivy and rosemary in the garden.
We always make Christingles too. We used to make Christmas cookies and ice them but DS iced a penis on his last year so I’ve stopped that activity!!!

@OnTheHillNotOverIt

I have done a branch in a big vase with stones but for you, as you say, anything you drag in from outdoors will have pollen on. I guess you could use wood that has been planed/sanded like thick dowling for the hanging wall trees? Let us know what you end up with 🤶

I think sanded down should be fine, as it's the pollen rather than the wood which is the problem. Although looking through that article, I was immediately taken with one of the metal trees - probably because, subconsciously, I want one which I know won't be contaminated! Indoorsy me. Thank you for the article btw, I don't think I said before.

@dementedma oh no ! Classic though. They can't resist! I know grown men who would probably do the same thing.

Mini needle felted mince pies as requested. A little messy but for a first attempt at needle felting I’m fairly happy with them. I’m not sure yet whether to attach ribbon to use as tree decorations or just to pop them on the fireplace as they are.

I’ve never made a wreath but have always fancied having a go. I’m not so bad at crafts but a bit rubbish with anything overly practical. Any ideas for simple idiot-proof wreaths that still look nice? I have nothing in the garden to use but live near to country lanes.

Cute pies!

For wreaths you can use willow or wisteria cuttings or any bendy long things. Twist them round into a circle and then tie on greenery with string or florist wire or ribbon.

Don’t be dismayed if it looks scrappy just keep adding and tweaking until you are happy.

Love the pies. They would look good on wreath too.

@SevenSwansASwimming they are lovely, can I ask how you learnt to needle felt? I would love to make some robins but have no idea where to start

[quote Forrestttheout]@SevenSwansASwimming they are lovely, can I ask how you learnt to needle felt? I would love to make some robins but have no idea where to start[/quote]
I bought a kit from Hawthorn Handmade which came with really clear instructions and everything you need. I think they do a robin kit too.

@SevenSwansASwimming oh they are just lovely! What size are they?

@HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule they’re around 1.5” across and 1” tall.

😍😍😍

@ScumbagDave

Oh that's lovely *@HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule*! How lovely of you to think of me when you saw it.

We do own our house, so can attach things, (except that we aren't great at DIY, but we can give it a go).

You could use those clear command hooks on the wall? That way you wouldn't damage it either, we've used them effectively for hanging fairy lights and birthday decorations in the past.

So glad this has started, just come back from holiday and was thinking poncily the entire flight home.

Am to start soaking fruit this weekend, I usually make the pudding, cake and mincemeat. Also planning the gingerbread gin and maybe rhubarb liqueur as we had a bumper crop this year.

Any mincemeat recommendations please? Last year’s wasn’t great.

What recipe did you use last year Ruby?
I like Delia’s

@RubyFakeLips, the one made with cider is lovely. I've not eaten the jewelled one yet, but I'm willing to take one for the team and make some pies this weekend to have a go! 🤣🤣

Fancy having a go at the felt decorations - where do you buy the kits from please?

Could I please have some chutney recipes? I made 2 types last year that just weren't as good as previous years and I'm looking for a change. So what are your favourites? 🎄

@VivaJen I have made this one many many times, it never disappoints. Some of the reviews mention reducing the sugar content though I found when I did that the chutney didn't mellow as nicely over time. Its quite forgiving with the spices amounts and blends too.

www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/spicedapplechutney_7720

Oops epic clipboard fail

www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/spiced-beetroot-orange-chutney

This thread is making me consider making mince pies from scratch