Poncetastic Christmas 2021

[VivaJen]

Welcome to the 2021 Poncetastic thread. With a nod to Fellatio (wherever she is), at the stroke of midnight, let the poncing commence.

OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobs worth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapés and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessie’s' on the packet, this is not the thread for you".

I spent ages looking for a suitable branch before giving up and buying the hobby craft tree. I won’t lie - it does offend my poncetastic perfectionism a teeny bit but the convenience makes up for it (I know! I know! that is exactly the sort of thought process is the slippery slope that leads to Aunt Bessies! Hopefully Fellatio Nelson isn’t reading this).

Seriously, it gets pulled out for other occasions than Christmas and because it’s very slightly bendy it has survived being banged off the attic trapdoor numerous times.

I put a set of battery operated lights on mine and a small wreath over the ugly base to cover it and hide the battery pack. One year I positioned an led key ring light in the lampshade of the ceiling light which caught the sparkle of the glass ornaments and created a lovely shadow effect of the branches ….until it fell down on dd’s head.

I am probably too busy to do too much poncing, but I am happy to be a ponce voyeur.

I am not in the UK and live christmas trees are pretty much impossible to come by. Alternatives over the years have included several branches cut from evergreens. A young acacia tree (pretty but ouch), a dead avocado tree branch, a rosemary bush and one desperate year some bamboo. Top tip for using a branch and keeping it in place is to plant it into a plant pot. Take a large plant pot and position the branch into it, usually I use stones to semi hold it in place around the base and then fill the pot with soil as though you're planting something that isn't already dead. It hasn't failed me yet

Yes, the branch idea is lovely, but it would need to be very dead, dry and maybe painted with something for me not to react to it. Also, yes, I can imagine it being a bit difficult to secure!

@ScumbagDave I've seen simple triangle 'tree' shapes hung on a wall made from graduating sizes of wooden dowel connected by twine/rope. Then you can tie ornaments on, or use little tiny hooks screwed into the dowels, and wrap fairy lights along the whole thing.
I'm guessing after Christmas you can just sort of roll it up to store, and you could hang it up using a big command hook so no wall damage

That sounds nice too @Dillidilly and appeals to my love of the minimalist aesthetic!

I suppose there is always the naice fake traditional tree option, but chances are I'd be allergic to that as well due to dust or mould spores or something. I really am not a total wet lettuce btw, I swear . Just allergic to pretty much any airborn allergen.

No suggestions for fake trees to add, unless you are happy with a very small one in which case I have seen crochet round polystyrene cones, and a fabric one which is 3d and filled with toy stuffing.

I made some ginger flapjacks yesterday evening for my DH's lunchbox treat, very festive flavour and quick to throw together. I melted some dark chocolate over the top too because there definitely wasn't more than enough sugar already

@HangingChads ....they don't show it to full effect really...

@ScumbagDave if it’s a lifetime thing I’d probably get a proper fake tree (could you go hang out in the Christmas section at a big dept. store to determine whether or not you might be allergic? - you could peruse the decorations for inspiration and that way you’ll hit two birds with one stone...).

Or you could go modern and get one of the pre-lit bare trees as they do look quite magical when they’re beautifully dressed. I’d have one if I didn’t already have a fake tree.

@ShaunaTheSheep

Here's mine done with the larger Hobbycraft tree.

I love that!

Where did you get the advent calendar baubles?

Yesterday I bought a collection of felted woodland animal decorations for the tree.... poncing for Christmas here I come!!!

I'm going to make the red cabbage and apple this week too....

Just checking in. Still busy needle felting mini mince pies, but I’m hoping to start making some knitted tree decorations later in the week.

I haven’t even thought about the cake yet but will probably buy the ingredients to make it in a couple of weeks or so.

@SevenSwansASwimming I’d love to see a photo of the mince pies!

Today I’m pondering whether or not to buy a cross stitch kit...

SevenSwansASwimming. Me too. I second the above poster please can we see your felted mince pies

[quote theworldsbiggestcrocodile]@HangingChads ....they don't show it to full effect really... [/quote]
Oh my goodness thank you so much for sharing that, it looks amazing! I couldn't picture it but you have inspired me, we don't have beams but I can suspend it over the dining table! Will report back in Decemeber to show you how it goes...

@theworldsbiggestcrocodile absolutely gorgeous, thank you for sharing!

Thanks 😊 forgot to say I use floristry wire or brown string for hanging. I'm lucky that my beams have loads of old nails sticking out but you could as easily use well placed command hooks I would think.

Thanks @HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule. I do like the bare ones and think they would probably be easier to keep clean, (as I also have a dust allergy). I imagine the big, bushy, real looking fake trees must gather a lot of dust which you can't see and which wouldn't be an issue if my nose wasn't a complete drama llama!!!

@ScumbagDave I don’t know what your budget would be, or if you own or rent (relevant because of how you’d have to attach it, I think) but I saw this today and thought something like this could be a good option too.

Oh that's lovely @HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule! How lovely of you to think of me when you saw it.

We do own our house, so can attach things, (except that we aren't great at DIY, but we can give it a go).

it’s from Cox & Cox (£85) but I think they’ve got a 20% off code.

Hello, I'm hopping on this thread too

I baked my Christmas cake yesterday. Cakes, actually, as last year we finished the 20cm cake too quickly, I was hoping it would last for a good few weeks after Christmas, so this time I decided to make two

I use Felicity Cloake's 'perfect Christmas cake' recipe from the Guardian. I used it last year so now it's tried-and-tested I decided to do it every year from now on. My cake booze of choice is rum. I use rum for my mince pies too.

Not sure what else to do. I like to make our place cosy and Christmassy but I live in quite a modern flat (not in UK) which doesn't really have that cosy-cottage feel. It's more suited for minimalist Scandinavian style decoration but I feel like I want to do something different this year, as it never really feels as Christmassy as the cluttered tacky 90s decor of the tiny terraced house I grew up in! I am bored of my red-and-white themed tree decorations and would like it to have more colours. Happy to hear suggestions on making a modern flat more cosy and Christmassy.

My parents have a pre-lit twig tree, very similar to this picture which I think could look beautiful decorated with baubles and ornaments.

I gave the Christmas cake it's first feed yesterday, with amaretto. When I soaked the fruit for it I used a mixture of amaretto, brandy and rum so will probably feed it with some sort of combination of those.

I've found the string one from Cox & Cox, which @HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule posted. It's lovely and good for saving space. That's the only downside to having a big tree! It can end up making the room it's in feel smaller!

I love the twig ones too and could possibly stretch to doing both, which would be v Christmassy!

Have purchased some 12 days of Christmas bunting. Am booked to go to the theatre to watch the Christmas pantomime on Christmas Eve with the DH and children.

For my DH, I always make apple pies instead of mince pies, because he hates the fruits but loves the spicy flavour. So I use all the mince pie spices and brandy in the apple filling.

I make gingerbread all the way through December, but this year I want to try making some soft pretzels too