Poncetastic Christmas 2021

[VivaJen]

Welcome to the 2021 Poncetastic thread. With a nod to Fellatio (wherever she is), at the stroke of midnight, let the poncing commence.

OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobs worth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapés and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessie’s' on the packet, this is not the thread for you".

@Ninkanink I'm expecting to have moved in with DFiance by next Christmas so we'll be a much larger family with his DC visiting and more visitors generally so I'll probably bake a Christmas cake next year or buy the larger one from Morrison's 😁

I am still not sure what I will do about baking this year. There are so many options.

I am a crap and lazy cook, so there will be minimal poncery around Christmas dinner!

However, I do love baking and crafts. Tempted by the Delia creole cake someone mentioned already. May do that next week.

@lachy

They do need blocking as you can see, but very pretty with the slight shimmer in the yarn.

Can you tell me what that means please? Novice crochet person. 😂

Blocking is when you pin out your crochet on a foam mat or similar, lightly spray it with water and let it dry.
It then has a better shape.

I actually used a starch spray ( the ones used for making shirts stiff) when I made the snowflakes a few years back.

[quote Grrrpredictivetex]@lachy

They do need blocking as you can see, but very pretty with the slight shimmer in the yarn.

Can you tell me what that means please? Novice crochet person. 😂[/quote]
Blocking means that you're effectively shaping your work, and setting it. With the snowflakes, I need to stiffen them, so I'll more than likely use PVA glue to do that so that they hang better.

As always, the lovely lady from Bella Coco explains it perfectly in her tutorial below:

Have fun. It really is a lovely hobby

In a nutshell, this is my plans for Christmas this year. Wine, cake, games, movies, books. I will also have a tree up like I did last year.

Hello! Checking in. Not sure how poncey I will be but maybe this thread will inspire me. I absolutely love everything about Christmas.

@Trumpton

PAPERWHITE NARCISSI FOR CHRISTMAS

I ordered my bulbs from Sarah Raven they should be delivered soon. I grow mine on pebbles in hurricane lamps. Generally start them on November 11th .
When the shoots are 3inches high carefully tip water out and replace with watered down gin or vodka SEE HEREThis stunts the greenery so it’s less floppy but leaves the flowers intact .
I’ve been doing them for about 30 years now and only ever had one failure and that was due to cheap bulbs I think.

Please advise as if talking to a small child- have tried this before and the fuckers didn’t flower until March. I have bulbs, I have a hurricane vase. What do I do?!

I have started this year's poncing with epp stars to decorate my front door wreath with - the glittered berries didn't withstand the weather so needed redoing again anyway.

I am making angels and gingerbread men decorations from Corinne Lapierre. I'm not a great crafter but I'm enjoying it. Made Delias cake last year but I'm looking for something different this year.

@LockdownCheeseToastie

1. Make sure they are Paperwhite Narcissi.

Other bulbs are available but would need pre-chilling to fool them into thinking it’s winter then warming up into a false spring. Paperwhite just grow!

1. Buy good quality bulbs. The only failure I ever had was after buying cheap bulbs.
2. If you are growing on pebbles (my preferred way)make sure the pebbles are clean.
3. Start them off mid November by placing bulbs onto pebbles in tall glass container. Top up with water to just below bulbs.
4. Leave them alone in a cool dim (not necessarily dark) place.
5. When the shoots are about 3 inches tall bring into warmer and lighter place.
6. If you want to stunt the greenery but not affect the flowers then at this stage carefully tip some water off and replace with a 1 to 7 ratio of spirit to water.
7. They should take 5-6 weeks to flower but if you think they are getting ahead of themselves reduce light and heat.

The original research into this was by Cornell University LINK HERE

Anyone looking for a delicious alternative to the traditionl method of Christmas cake, I highly recommend Goodhousekeeping's Gin and Tea Christmas cake.

We have collected a big basket of giant pinecones from the garden, any ideas of something festive we could do with them please?

[quote Trumpton]**@LockdownCheeseToastie

1. Make sure they are Paperwhite Narcissi.

Other bulbs are available but would need pre-chilling to fool them into thinking it’s winter then warming up into a false spring. Paperwhite just grow!

1. Buy good quality bulbs. The only failure I ever had was after buying cheap bulbs.
2. If you are growing on pebbles (my preferred way)make sure the pebbles are clean.
3. Start them off mid November by placing bulbs onto pebbles in tall glass container. Top up with water to just below bulbs.
4. Leave them alone in a cool dim (not necessarily dark) place.
5. When the shoots are about 3 inches tall bring into warmer and lighter place.
6. If you want to stunt the greenery but not affect the flowers then at this stage carefully tip some water off and replace with a 1 to 7 ratio of spirit to water.
7. They should take 5-6 weeks to flower but if you think they are getting ahead of themselves reduce light and heat.

The original research into this was by Cornell University LINK HERE[/quote]
Thank you!! I will follow to the letter! Bulbs are from decent local garden centre and are paperwhite grandiflora. Dh compounded my failure by planting some outside which grew beautifully.

May I ask; have any of you poncey Christmas fans, ever fashioned your own Christmas tree substitute? I'm allergic to tree pollen and can't have a real tree. We are likely to be at home for Christmas this year, so would like something up, but not sure what...

@ScumbagDave we did a Christmas stick one year? We missed out on a real tree one year (busy year and piss poor organisation) so we improvised with a huge dead branch. Definitely not a traditional Christmas tree but it worked

@ScumbagDave I have a white twig tree from Hobbycraft that I use for my Swarovski stars because they get lost on a green tree. It’s only about a metre tall so possibly not big enough? But you might find a real branch and do something similar.

A friend of mine has a flat tree made from a triangular frame with garlands wrapped round (the cheap thin kind rather than the stiff bushy ones. It’s very striking.

Also Pinterest has tons of ideas (if you have a few hours to spare down that rabbit hole)

Another alternative to traditional Christmas pudding/cake/log is this white chocolate gingerbread yule log. I made it last year and it was lovely!

@dream75 I had to google those and they look so sweet!

Has anyone made a whiskey cake for Christmas? I’ve been following my grandma’s incomplete notes trying to recreate her amazing cake and missing the mark for several years and it dawned on me that she probably used whiskey rather than brandy. I’m going to try it this year but searching online no one specifies a type of whiskey and I’m not sure whether to go for the fiery kind or something a bit mellower.

I ordered Dutch house cookie cutters to make ornaments out of cinnamon and applesauce clay. I just need to find some white puffy paint.

Oh thank you @TommyShelby and @thelegohooverer! Yes, I was eyeing up the twig tree in Hobby craft. Maybe that's an option or I can forage for something bigger and dry it out somehow 🤔. Could even paint it with chalk paint or similar?

Yours looks great @TommyShelby

Here's mine done with the larger Hobbycraft tree.

Oh yes, that looks nice too @ShaunaTheSheep! Maybe one from Hobbycraft would last longer than a foraged branch... I can't ever have a Christmas tree, so it wouldn't just be for this year.

The good thing is you don't have to worry about making it stay upright or faff about with spray paint.

@ScumbagDave thanks! Wasn’t bad for an improvisation.

@ShaunaTheSheep is right though. The less you need to worry about faffing around trying to stop it falling the better. We had to do some fairly significant engineering with the logs at the base to weight it and I think at one point we threatened to tether it to the ceiling!