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Christmas

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Original poster

Christmas hosting.... But I need a break!!

84 replies

Blablabla1984 · 02/09/2021 13:14

For the last 7 years we've hosted Christmas. PIL, my BIL and SIL come on Christmas Eve and stay till the 27th.
It's been lovely but I need a break!!

We have a 6 and 1 year old and my BIL and SIL have a 5m old baby now. PIL wouldn't host because their house is a mess, they wouldn't sort it so it's a bit of a danger trap for kids. BIL and SIL are in 1 bedroom apt so it would be a bit tight (hence why hosting gravitated to us).
I'd love to see everyone but also the amounts of food we have to sort for 4 days, cleaning the house before they come and after they leave and all the hosting bit is a bit much after 7 years.

I guess I feel like this as we've had a baby in the past year so of course with sleep deprivation, breastfeeding and getting busier I would want someone else to host us. What to do? Also, if we end up hosting again (which I suppose we will due to the reasons stated above), are there ways to make things easier on us?

OP posts:
thelastgoldeneagle · 02/09/2021 13:16

Tell them now: 'We enjoyed last Christmas in lockdown so much that we'd like a quiet Xmas again this year. It's too much to host you all for four days, especially with a newborn. Instead, you're all welcome to come for meal/walk/something else on .

Justmuddlingalong · 02/09/2021 13:17

Tell everyone to make there own plans this year as you're having a year off. Everyone else has an excuse and is using it to put the onus on you. You're giving them plenty of notice, so do it today instead of spending the next few months mithering about it.

Wolfiefan · 02/09/2021 13:18

Why can’t you have a quiet Christmas just you? No one has to host. Invite them for a lunch before Christmas or in between Christmas and new year? Nothing fancy. Just a chance to see them.

JenniferAllisonPhillipaSue · 02/09/2021 13:19

If you still want to see them on Christmas Day, you could book a convenient-to-all restaurant for the festive lunch.

Babysharkdoodoodood · 02/09/2021 13:23

Yeah. I've cancelled the Xmas hosting for the foreseeable future. Dh goes to his mum at Boxing Day and his kids join him there. (All grown up) My ds1 has his xmas with his gf and family and ds2 is going away with his gf.
I've managed to get the actual day off for the first time in 4 years (back on shift on 26th) so going to just have a peaceful relaxing day. And we'll save so much!

merryhouse · 02/09/2021 13:27

Presumably they live at some distance.

You're going to have to spell out very clearly to everyone that you are not "hosting", you are "providing the venue" for a family event. Every adult will have to take a turn entertaining the 6yo. Every adult will have to take a turn making a pot of tea. Every other adult will have to take a turn supporting the nursing mother(s). Every adult will have to take a baby out for a walk. Every adult will have to change a nappy at least once.

Every adult will have to wash up, to peel vegetables, to lay the table. The cooking will be shared by all those competent, with as much as possible done in someone else's kitchen beforehand.

Stripyhoglets1 · 02/09/2021 13:32

How far do they live away?
Just say you aren't hosting this year now you've got the two kids its too much - and in future years they need to book hotels and you'll do a meal on xmas day or boxing day as a get together then.

loafcake · 02/09/2021 13:32

There's no need to host at all, everyone can have their own christmases!
BUT if you all really do want to spend time together, tell them they'll all have to bring some different parts of the meal/food. Split into 3 equal parts so the pressure isn't alway on you! Everyone helps clean up, everyone helps cooking/heating the food.
7 years is a long time to have this burden all to yourself!

DollyPartBaked · 02/09/2021 13:32

I agree with the PP that says tell them now. Just text or get your DH to do it as they are his family and say you're going to have a quiet Christmas but maybe include some other options or days you can see them on. They are all adults and you have two children now (plus your BIL's one) - the amount of work has definitely gone up from 7 years ago. Do it now or you'll end up hosting for the next 30 years!

HollowTalk · 02/09/2021 13:33

How far away do they live?

Original poster
Blablabla1984 · 02/09/2021 13:37

One is 1.5h further north from us, the other 1h south from us. So our house is kind of in the middle.

OP posts:
Themostwonderfultimeoftheyear · 02/09/2021 13:43

Why are they staying 3 nights when you are in day trip distance?! I would just invite them for Christmas Day. Say arrive around 11 and leave late afternoon/evening.

Pootles34 · 02/09/2021 13:43

An hour isn't that far, so either just host them for 1 day (and be firm about this), or arrange a nice meal in a restaurant somewhere in the middle. I'd do this sooner rather than later, so you can get a table booked, especially as there's so many of you.

FlorrieLindley · 02/09/2021 13:44

I think you just need to be honest and open with them. They must see that it's a bit unfair to put it all on you all the time. Otherwise, how many more years will you be doing this? They're not mind readers so presumably don't think there's anything wrong. So just tell them it's now a bit too much for you, and you're going to have a quiet time this year.

FuckPilledLatteplus · 02/09/2021 13:45

Just say no. According to Mumsnet it’s a complete sentence

ivykaty44 · 02/09/2021 13:50

Book a cottage to go away to with enough room for everyone

Tell each person which meal they are responsible for bring

So over 4 days you have 12 meals so divide equally

But whoever does Xmas dinner gets to do Boxing Day cold meat & bubble

Everyone brings 3 bottles of wine mixers and a bottle of spirits

Original poster
Blablabla1984 · 02/09/2021 13:51

I feel like just saying No is a bit harsh, especially after having so many lockdowns and not being able to see each other a lot for the past year.
I feel like for the reasons stated above, no one else will host so me not hosting is just a wishful thinking hahaha.

DH says we should be a bit more assertive with what they need to bring.

What ideas would make life easier for people to bring? (in terms or dinner, breakfast, lunch...... anything)

OP posts:
Original poster
Blablabla1984 · 02/09/2021 13:53

Thank ivykaty44, that's helpful

OP posts:
Scrapper142 · 02/09/2021 13:54

Could they get a local AirBnb? You'd still be stuck with hosting but have some breathing room and not have the chores associated with overnight guests.

Maybe a pub lunch on Christmas Eve when they arrive, you host Christmas Day, long walk boxing day back to Airbnb for a takeaway. They pop to you for a cuppa before they head off on the 27th.

toomuchlaundry · 02/09/2021 13:57

Don't you have family?

They certainly don't need to stay as long as they do, even if you do Christmas Day

Original poster
Blablabla1984 · 02/09/2021 13:58

My family live abroad. We do Christmas here and Easter abroad (when there is no lockdown lol)

OP posts:
Feelingmardy · 02/09/2021 14:00

@merryhouse

Presumably they live at some distance.

You're going to have to spell out very clearly to everyone that you are not "hosting", you are "providing the venue" for a family event. Every adult will have to take a turn entertaining the 6yo. Every adult will have to take a turn making a pot of tea. Every other adult will have to take a turn supporting the nursing mother(s). Every adult will have to take a baby out for a walk. Every adult will have to change a nappy at least once.

Every adult will have to wash up, to peel vegetables, to lay the table. The cooking will be shared by all those competent, with as much as possible done in someone else's kitchen beforehand.

Yes and the PIL can bring and make dinner one day and so can the BIL and the SIL. This leaves just Xmas day, which is a joint effort. Breakfast every deal will be cereal and toast. People are welcome to bring other options if they want.
EmeraldShamrock · 02/09/2021 14:03

You're very kind.
There is no way I'd be so accommodating years on end.
Suggest a hotel together or they can do their own thing.
Once it's said its out, job done.
They should treat you cover expenses an overdue thank you.

Cooper88 · 02/09/2021 14:06

It's a hard one. When we have gone to my inlaws it has been a similar amount of people. We generally get a takeaway on Xmas eve. We all (adults) spend an hour or so in the afternoon prepping what can be prepped for the next day, peeling spuds/carrots stuffing the turkey etc. And then on boxing day we have a buffet of all the leftovers and picky bits we have got in. And all the adults clean up as we go. As the kids have gotten older they so help woth the cleaning up the wrapping paper, clearing the table etc. I think you just need to ask everyone to help out.

timeisnotaline · 02/09/2021 14:09

Why do they stay 3 days?? You can certainly change that bit. Hi all, it’s going to be chaotic with the little ones this Christmas so we aren’t going to be able to put people up for the night.

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