Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

Original poster

Christmas hosting.... But I need a break!!

84 replies

Blablabla1984 · 02/09/2021 13:14

For the last 7 years we've hosted Christmas. PIL, my BIL and SIL come on Christmas Eve and stay till the 27th.
It's been lovely but I need a break!!

We have a 6 and 1 year old and my BIL and SIL have a 5m old baby now. PIL wouldn't host because their house is a mess, they wouldn't sort it so it's a bit of a danger trap for kids. BIL and SIL are in 1 bedroom apt so it would be a bit tight (hence why hosting gravitated to us).
I'd love to see everyone but also the amounts of food we have to sort for 4 days, cleaning the house before they come and after they leave and all the hosting bit is a bit much after 7 years.

I guess I feel like this as we've had a baby in the past year so of course with sleep deprivation, breastfeeding and getting busier I would want someone else to host us. What to do? Also, if we end up hosting again (which I suppose we will due to the reasons stated above), are there ways to make things easier on us?

OP posts:
sashh · 02/09/2021 14:10

Just say you need a year off. BIL and SIL probably don't want to be travelling with a baby.

If you do end up hosting can you go somewhere? Rent a cottage or even head to a hotel?

If you do go to a cottage meal plan now and as ivykaty44 said make someone responsible for each meal.

Look into how much it would cost to pay someone to do Xmas day main meal or at least do the prep.

Xmas eve a take away or a snack and wine evening, tell everyone to eat first.

Get everyone prepping veg with a glass of wine.

Xmas breakfast - something simple, I've not celebrated Xmas for years but a couple of times I've been invited to friends I've made breakfast while the family were at church.

Scrabbled egg with smoked salmon and a glass of fizz.

Xmas dinner - everyone should be given a list of something to bring or have delivered.

Have one person do the main and someone else do the puds (and starter if you have one)

The person who does the main meal does not need to cook anything else.

Boxing day, BIL and SIL can cook while you entertain their baby.

PIL can do breakfast on the 27th before you all go home.

JennaPenna · 02/09/2021 14:10

First thing I'd do would be cut down on long they are there for.
Arrive late afternoon Christmas Eve and leave midday Boxing Day

Akire · 02/09/2021 14:17

Can you just have PIL to stay for few days if he wants a break? Or maybe he prefer the one day now kids are plentiful and less relaxing?

Most families find easier stay home when have own families so Father Christmas can leave them presents and can enjoy the day playing with them. Rather than just take a few open in someone else home.

Driftingblue · 02/09/2021 14:20

Do BIL and SIL even want to stay at yours for 4 days now that they have a child of their own? They may want to start their own traditions and let their child have Christmas morning at home. Plus they may not want the hassle of caring for their little one in hour spare room.

toomuchlaundry · 02/09/2021 14:20

Do you think BIL and SIL will want to stay for so long with a little one, and whether they will want to continue to go to someone else's house as their DC gets older?

LizzieMacQueen · 02/09/2021 14:22

Do you want to have Christmas at yours? I assume yes, as with kids your ages it is easier staying at home.

First up ask them to bring their own bedding and towels. They can be responsible for making up their own beds.

Food. I'd draw up a spreadsheet with all meals on it. Divide it between you. Food purchase & cooking & clearing up afterwards.

But you'll need to accept by delegating tasks you might not get what you want.

If you do that then the only extra work should be cleaning the bedrooms/bathrooms before & after but as it's your DH's family he should be doing that.

2tired2bewitty · 02/09/2021 14:27

DH is a vicar so we always host because he always has to work (plus big vicarage).

What really helps is on the years my parents come (we alternate) my dad does a big M&S online shop with as much pre prepped stuff as possible and the turkey and then we pick it up when they arrive. My non believing brother also risks his immortal soul by staying home to do complicated things with the turkey while everyone else goes to church in the morning 😄

MadeForThis · 02/09/2021 14:28

I would ask them to drive down Christmas morning and leave Boxing Day morning

Give everyone a dish to bring - smoked salmon, cheesecake etc.

Make it clear someone else is on clean up duty.

BitterTits · 02/09/2021 14:30

You're not obliged to host. What a about suggesting you meet at a restaurant? I can't imagine your share will be more expensive than hosting two other families for four days.

thelegohooverer · 02/09/2021 14:33

I think you need to just say very firmly that you need a year off and then let them work out an alternative. It’s not harsh to have boundaries. Be firm on what your no’s are, but open to solutions.

As my dm has got older we’ve started taking the food with us - and more recently, I go over earlier to help tidy too. But at the end of the day the important thing is getting together and having a laugh.

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 02/09/2021 14:36

I have the same set up and refuse to be a Christmas cancelling grinch or a Christmas slave elf.

And I dont care if anyone thinks i am a bossy cow assertive

I do three key things

  1. Give clear arrival and departure times
(24th evening arrival 27th am departure at the lastest).
  1. Give clear tasks and rules when in the home
-they make and strip their own beds (unless my DH is nice enough to do it for them)
  • breakfast is toast or cereal only except on xmas morning
  • if you use it you put it in the dishwasher
  • one mug per person per day.
  • its not a hotel, everyone helps. So we direct people as we go "tim can you set the table as i am about to serve" "Dan can you top up drinks?" "sue can you help load the dishwasher while i clear the table please?"
  1. We give clear lists of food items to bring because i am not spending £600 on a miserable christmas. We provide a huge amount but get people to contribute items
Eg. BiL case of wine (6 red, min 2 malbec min 2 sancerre, rest is dealers choice) Sil cheese board crackers and chutney 8 cheeses 3 hard 3 soft (include brie cheddar etc. Mil salmon for 6 people min weight x grams and blinis and creme fraiche Fil half case champagne etc

It works really well tbh and I everyone enjoys christmas

Cantsayusername · 02/09/2021 14:38

@Wolfiefan

Why can’t you have a quiet Christmas just you? No one has to host. Invite them for a lunch before Christmas or in between Christmas and new year? Nothing fancy. Just a chance to see them.
This ^^
MrsTerryPratchett · 02/09/2021 14:38

Your DH thinks you need to be assertive. OK but since they're his family, does he do more than half the work?

1forAll74 · 02/09/2021 14:40

Can you not just state your case to all the people, and make a decision to do what pleases you, despite what you have had to do in the past. People are not going to come and burn your house down because you make plans for your own style of Christmas things.

bigbaggyeyes · 02/09/2021 14:42

Tell your dh if he's that keen to have his family over he can sort it all out. Otherwise I'd simply say you want a quiet xmas this year so won't be hosting. Maybe suggest a get together one evening for drinks and nibbles between Xmas and new year if you want to see them

Topbird29 · 02/09/2021 14:43

We usually host, and mil does bring par boiled potatoes ready to be roasted. Just a little thing, but does help, as one less job to do. She par boils them night before, and brings them in a roasting tray.
.

Chloemol · 02/09/2021 14:46

Just say the truth

It’s been a difficult year, new baby for two of you, this year you would like to spend Christmas on your own and leave then to sort something out

Howshouldibehave · 02/09/2021 14:46

There is no need for them to stay that long-it’s not like you live in a different country!

I’d say you want Xmas day to yourself with two young kids, but they can come for the day Boxing Day and go home again. Can mum and dad bring some puddings/drinks and BIL bring crisps and dips and cold meats.

Let covid be the start of a new plan that suits you.

CrystalMaisie · 02/09/2021 14:50

They’re all close enough to not need to stay. Plan a meal for 3pm so they don’t need feeding twice. Get everyone to bring a dish.

CraftyGin · 02/09/2021 14:54

@Blablabla1984

For the last 7 years we've hosted Christmas. PIL, my BIL and SIL come on Christmas Eve and stay till the 27th. It's been lovely but I need a break!!

We have a 6 and 1 year old and my BIL and SIL have a 5m old baby now. PIL wouldn't host because their house is a mess, they wouldn't sort it so it's a bit of a danger trap for kids. BIL and SIL are in 1 bedroom apt so it would be a bit tight (hence why hosting gravitated to us).
I'd love to see everyone but also the amounts of food we have to sort for 4 days, cleaning the house before they come and after they leave and all the hosting bit is a bit much after 7 years.

I guess I feel like this as we've had a baby in the past year so of course with sleep deprivation, breastfeeding and getting busier I would want someone else to host us. What to do? Also, if we end up hosting again (which I suppose we will due to the reasons stated above), are there ways to make things easier on us?

Just tell them you would like to Christmas on your own this year. Make sounds about having something in the summer.

Probably there will be relief all round.

Maxiedog123 · 02/09/2021 15:05

Why do they need to stay for 4 days ifthey only live an hour away ? Can't they just come for the day or at most stay one night if not ok to drive after lunch? Also I'd be expecting them to contribute to the food and drinks ( eg bring ham , bring champagne etc) to help with both work and cost.
May be as BIL has a new baby this is the year to rationalise the 4 day extravaganza as being too much for the babies.

Henlie · 02/09/2021 15:13

If it were me, I’d invite them all over for Boxing Day and do a cold buffet - asking them all to bring food items. Less stress than making Christmas dinner for all. Those that want to stay the night can do, but say that you’ve got plans on 27th, so they need to leave after breakfast.

This way you get to enjoy a low-key Christmas Eve/Day as a family of 4, with minimal stress(!).

Mangomammy · 02/09/2021 15:22

@MadeForThis

I would ask them to drive down Christmas morning and leave Boxing Day morning

Give everyone a dish to bring - smoked salmon, cheesecake etc.

Make it clear someone else is on clean up duty.

I agree.

You can let people know without coming across rude, I’d probably include a reason for an early departure. “We’re going to such and such for Boxing Day lunch so if everyone can leave by 11 after brunch, thanks”

jesusmaryjosephandtheweedonkey · 02/09/2021 15:33

Sorry can't host this year. We would like a quieter Christmas.
Everyone could arrive at 10 am Christmas morning for presents before lunch.
If you could also bring ( insert items here) that would be a big help. For lunch . If not, it's fine we will do without.
Also it will just be a quick coffee before setting off on Boxing Day as we have ( insert fake children's activity here) so need to get ready to go out.
Hope you can make lunch but completely understand if you want to do your own thing.

Job done!

Dashel · 02/09/2021 15:44

I would want Christmas on my own for a change and personally I would be arguing for that and telling DH that is was just the four of us.

PIL living in a mess isn’t a valid excuse for 7 years!

However if you want them round, a spreadsheet with dishes and tasks allocated is the best way to do it.

Swipe left for the next trending thread